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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
I went to the NPR schizophrenia simulation that Anonymous posted a link to on Nov. 2. It really does create a nightmare jumble of confused perceptions accompanying the simple act of refilling a prescription -- this virtual experience nearly brought me to tears. I would think it would be incredibly helpful to any healthcare worker or family member struggling to understand schizophrenia. Thanks for posting it, Anonymous.
I also have a mentally ill paranoid mother with delusions and sometimes hallucinations. As the only child living close by, I sometimes distance myself from her for protection and for healing. The NAMI course helped me a lot. For the first time, I realized that my mother had been ill off and on her whole life and the course helped me come to grips with my childhood and with forgiveness. Still, I take breaks from her whenever I feel overwhelmed or too hurt. I practice mindfulness (meditation and yoga) to achieve a better sense of peace and to remain present with my own children and husband. You are entitled to take care of yourself.
My brothers try to help, but busy with their own families, careers, and problems, they are sometimes insensitive to the situation.They also feel guilty and they feel helpless at times as well. And they live far away. Perhaps, the real issue for your sister is her own sense of helplessness, guilt, and being overwhelmed with the problem and perhaps believing that the whole family has left her holding the "bag". Only she can tell you what the experience is like for her. She has no right to blame you for your decisions, but her feelings and anger are understandable to me.
Maybe if you both took the NAMI course she could learn that these reactions are normal and that all families end up with different members at different stages of reaction, frequently causing disharmony. The blame game is not very productive and you are well within your rights to seek distance. I now try to have at least some communication with my brothers when my mother is NOT the focus of our discussion - so that we can begin to have a bit of relationship that does not completely revolve around her. This takes effort and all parties have to agree to it.
I am grateful for your sharing. It helps to know we are not alone and that every single one of us needs to withdraw in order to heal and in order to gain strength. Maybe what your sister really needs is permission to have her own time for healing, for forgiveness, and hey - for some completely guilt-free fun!! If you can drag her off for an ice cream, or a funny movie, or a swim in at the local pool, then maybe she will get the point.
By the way, my only sister died of cancer about 8 years ago. I now savour every minute of fun we shared together. I hope you and your sister will build some happy memories in your moments together.
I have bad news for you; today the mentally ill, have that right to be ill! I have tried everything that I can possibly think of to receive help for my mentally ill mother, but the rights for the mentally ill are fixed to protect them. The sad thing is that we, the immediate family are torn apart and driven to extremes trying to cope, and there is no help in sight. To place the burden on the family has become very popular. The mentally ill thrive on that principle, they know that there are no rules that they have to follow: they are crazy, thus not able to be held responsible. They know what to do to get everything they want out of the family members, and then they abuse the family with their outlandish behavior.
The mentally ill enjoy their insanity. They can behave any way they want and that's OK because they have an excuse. They cannot be held responsible for anything that they do, they are mentally ill. They are not forced to stay on medication, so when left up to them, they will discontinue all medication and continue to behave anyway they choose. I have been living with an insane Mother for 48 years. I can't wait until she is dead. Sorry if that sounds evil, but I have lost all respect for her. I feel that not only will I finally be able to breath freely without fear of emotional abuse, but also, she will be free from herself; just get it over with; be dead already !
She has not done anything with her life since I was born. I was put in the closet with the bird as an infant, because she was trying to sleep and we, (myself and the bird) were bothering her. At the age of 4, I was taking care of my 2year old brother when he would cry, because she was busy sleeping. I caught him eating a full bottle of cherry flavored baby aspirins at the age of 2, while my mother sleep, so I called the emergency # to pump his stomach. Since I was under a certain age, (I don't remember that age) I had to have my stomach pumped just to make sure that I didn't take any aspirins. I told the doctors that I didn't take any, but no one believed me. It took 4 full-grown adults to hold me down, in order to pump my stomach. They were shocked that I was telling the truth. I remember jumping off the table and giving the doctors a big "hump, I told you so", and then stormed out the door. At the age of 7 or 8 I had severe ulcers. The doctor that examined me said that,” I had the most twisted intestines that he had ever witnessed. If you consider my daily house name then maybe you will understand my stress and twisted intestines. My name, when ever my mother wanted me, she called me, "You cock suckin, mother fuckin, God dam prick, get over here so I can fuckin kill you." That was several times a day. My self-esteem has suffered dearly, my choices in life decisions have suffered and I am still trying to emotionally catch up to my peers and understand the world around me.
The stories that I could tell you would have you in disbelief. My mother has been in and out of hospitals for the mentally ill many times. She always went in by force, and then escaped to get out! Her most dramatic escape was jumping out of a 2nd story window. She told the nurse that she wanted to go home and if they didn't let her leave she would jump out the window. The nurse said, "GO AHEAD", so she did! She was undergoing electro-shock, treatment, and wanted to leave, so she took off her shoe, broke the window, climbed out on the ledge, and jumped up by swinging her arms, lifting her up into the air: to then go down shouting "wee", as she landed on the cement sidewalk, on her feet. She remembered saying to herself, "Wow that hurt". She said that she felt the pain from the bottom of her feet to the tip of her head. It left her ears ringing. She was bleeding from the cuts on her legs from the broken glass that she climbed through, but she knew that they would come looking for her, so she ran to the parking lot, found a car door unlocked, and climbed into the back seat and put her head down so she wouldn't be seen. She was found after an hour in a pool of blood and a broken back. I was 8 years old at the time and now I am 48 years old. Tell me when she's dead because I have had enough.
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