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• Thursday, November 2, 2006 10:15 AM

  I understand

  My mother is Paranoid Schizophrenic. What I have to say is ridiculously biased and very angry. It's been a long road for me, but I'll share what I've come up with so far.

  It's all about you now. Seriously. You need to heal.

  Get a support "team" - therapist, a very few close friends/family & a group (either NAMI, which I find a little too focused on the "consumer" personally, or an AA group or other group that deals specifically with abuse like survivors of incest anon. When I, in an online forum, asked for assistance that was non "nami" someone suggested that I try an AA type group, at first I was like No Way, but I've found it to be a valuable place to share and gain knowledge - and to see people coming through the other side of bad things.

  I've read loads of books on schizophrenia; it's good to keep your knowledge base up to date, but honestly my fav is Alan Alda's "Never Have Your Dog Stuffed..." He's a great read, and though he doesn't get into it, it's all about it in the end.

  You can't save her, and what's more is paranoia aside, there are windows of comprehension, she could have and should have stayed on meds. They never do of course, because they seem to prefer being ill to the drugs, but there are all kinds of new meds. If she had patience she would have tried harder, but she didn't, did she? She chose chaos over you. She abandoned you. And you know what, mental illness doesn't excuse that. There are responsible mentally ill people out there, protecting their families and holding jobs. Oh, but it's schizophrenia, which is REALLY CRAZY - right, heard that one a thousand times yet? I'm sick of hearing how it's not their fault and I as a daughter need to find compassion. Personally I'll find some damn compassion when my mother choses to get help.

  In my case, my mother had been diagnosed before I was born, but everyone chose to look the other way and step out the door while I was abused by a psychopath who believed I was possessed by demons amoung other delusions. I didn't even know what her diagnosis was until a few short years ago. She doesn't have my number. You do what you need to to live your life, you know?

  I wish you luck in your journey LW. If your family can help each other heal that might be something. I imagine it's a mix of those in denial, the she's your mother group, and the I'm not talking to any of you ever again because your all crazy people. I say don't give up on em all. There's bound to be people who want to get on the other side of this. Everyone else gets on the holiday card contact list, if you know what I mean.

  I feel like when someone is ill like our mothers are, we have to morn and grieve because they are lost. A friend who's mom has Alzheimers was able to understand me more than other people...there will be people who understand, and won't try to tell you what you should do to help her. Your life doesn't need to be all about her.

  You will be ok.

  —Anonymous
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