Read other letters about this article
No matter what happens with your mom, her diagnosis, and her medication, this is what I would recommend for you:
1. Exercise regularly or do yoga. This sounds trivial. But my body is already tightening up in frustration from reading your letter. Exercise becomes really important at times like this, trust me. Mental illness can make caregivers and survivors feel powerless. Doing something to make your body feel more powerful can really help offset the anxiety of powerlessness.
2. Eat well. Especially get enough omega 3's. Your brain needs all of the anti-inflammatory neuroprotective eicosanoids it can manufacture when you are stressed with a long term stress like this.
3. Consult with NAMI and find a support group of fellow survivors and caregivers. Get to know other people who have fought the battles you are fighting. You will learn a lot from listening to them. And it will help you a lot to have someone who's been there, suffered that to unload on.
4. Consider some form of therapy or spiritual augmentation for your life. Some form of psychological or spiritual vitamin to augment your drained personal resources and energize you out of the physical and mental state of feeling powerless.
5. Remember this happens to a lot of people. Practice self-love and avoid negative self-talk. You're not a freak, you're not damamged goods, you're not marked for life just because you have mental illness in your family. And you're not a failure as a daughter if you can't cure your mom. (See 3 above.)