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Dear Hoping,
I too am the child of a mentally ill, very abusive mother. Our histories are much the same.
I was very fortunate to have been able to find a good therapist, and to start dealing with the hurt and anger with which I struggled. I came to understand that the "good" mother was not gone, just held prisoner by the "demon" of her illness. I worked on strengthening the parts of me that the demon assailed, so instead of defending myself with callousness and withdrawl, which I hated myself for, I could respond with strength. I found a path upon which I could carry out my daugher's duty to her parents without becoming a martyr.
This may not happen for you, through no fault of your own. Nonetheless, I would urge you to hope for it.
Please take care of yourself. Please find someone to help you cope if you feel you are not coping. Cary may be right in that hope for your mother's recovery is unrealistic, but there is good hope for yourself, for your father, and for your relationship with your angry, hurting sister.
My best wishes to you,
Been There
