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I went through something similar with my mother. I understand the overwhelming need for distance, the terrifying sense of being in a battle for survival, self against other, the pain and crushing burden of this illness, this abandonment, this rejection, this hallucinatory nightmare.
Having to function and carry on as though everything is 'normal' while something earth-shattering like this is happening in the background is tremendously difficult and surreal.
If a mother or father is involved, the situation is often compromised by the inadequate coping skills and parenting one received at home to begin with.
It's crucial to get as much help and support for oneself, and for the afflicted. You'll need some sort of spiritual and emotional sustenance, therapy and support, and regular distractions. If you can't help the sick person directly, because it's too frightening or dangerous, stay connected by helping indirectly, through the aid of others.
I agree that it's helpful -- though very hard -- to realize that you can't take the things that are said and done personally. Among the more *benign* things my mother said to me were comments like "I should have aborted you!" "I hope you and (boyfriend at the time) have some kids so you can put them in this place (psych ward)." "You can't do anything, you'll never amount to anything. How could you possibly?"
Taking the emotion out of it can go a long way toward just getting things done in a crisis.
We can run away from people and problems, close our eyes to suffering; we do it all the time. But there are lasting consequences to everything, and some can be very hard to bear. A lot of people here seem to be confusing a desire to fulfill certain responsibilities we have to one another, our basic humanity, with 'martyrdom.' Reading up on the lives of saints might put things back in perspective.
This will hurt like hell no matter what you do, but you will get through it. We do, somehow. One day, your life will be better than you can imagine right now.
