Letters to the Editor
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Get out!
Cary,
This is horrible advise.
I went through a similar situation. If you know it's not right, get out. Forcing yourself to live out a bad fit is a quick road to depression. It's not likely to lead anywhere good.
I'd say differently if you were telling us that you're just anxious about getting through. If it's that, I think Cary's advice might have merit. But I suspect it's not. I suspect you're overwhelmed by the prospect of admitting you've made a wrong decision, dealing with the consequence, and trying to identify an alternate path forward. We all know that's hard.
I took a similarly logical career move about six years ago. I moved across the country to work for an awful organization in a city I didn't like. I thought I could get some skills and that two years wouldn't be a terrible committment. It was miserable. It just wasn't my path. And I fell into a depression that lasted until I finally gave myself permission to do what felt right. The rest somehow sorts itself out later.
I will say that I learned one thing from the experience: doing something that feels miserable and wrong in order to get somewhere better rarely works. A path of misery does not lead to some later reward. Instead, it's the Joseph Campbell cliche: follow your bliss. It sounds idilic, but it's true. Go where you feel connected and happy and things suddenly start to really work out.
That's my experience anyway.
Good luck!
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A path to get there...
There is a thing called "The Work" which is "simply" four questions and a turnaround...it can help immeasurably in finding your way through situations such as this one where your mind is judging and panicking and screaming at you to do something.
Because I don't want to seem as if I'm hawking a particular website/person, I'll just suggest that you google "the work inquiry process turnaround" and investigate some of the links you find.
What Cary says is good; this is just a specific method to get yourself to the point that you can continue forward as he suggests. It can put some of those fellow classmates in perspective too.
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$70 k in debt? How is that possible?
I don't understand how the letter writer could be $70,000 in debt already, unless her MBA program somehow made her pay all the tuition up front? It seems like she hasn't even finished one semester yet -- even at the priciest school in the priciest city, that should only be $30k/$35k in the hole.
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If it were free..
I would say sure, suck it up, get it done. But since it's not, and you seem to be completely hating the program as well as the person it is preparing you to be, I would be out of there yesterday.
Yours truly,
Guy who doesn't think it makes sense to pay a fortune to go to school in order to become a better-paid version of the miserable person you became at your last job.
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Cary, I love you, but you're wrong on this one.
Dear LW --
Life is short. If you're as miserable as you describe, and I believe you are, then RUN. You made a mistake. An expensive mistake. But you've learned that you don't want to live among snakes. That is worth every penny.
A few years ago, I made my own version of this mistake. I came out of “retirement,” throwing away a happy freelance life, and began my "career." I bought an alarm clock, put on pantyhose, and joined Merrill Lynch. Why I thought I could go corporate after all my years of autonomy, I cannot imagine.
For the first few months in captivity I thrived, intoxicated by the seductive scent of serious money and the realization that I was closer than ever to personal financial bliss; but then my old free spirit started to reassert itself. I was chafing under the relentless pressure, going without sleep for days at a time, and had come to see the brokerage as bearing an unflattering resemblance to the court of Lucrezia Borgia. My income potential was staggering, but I wasn’t getting any younger, and I was having a hell of a lot less fun. So I left, and when it took me two full months to unclench my teeth, I knew I’d done the right thing.
Yes, you could probably get a grip and force yourself through, but what you will discover is that the life this education is preparing you for is just as bad, if not worse, than what you are experiencing now. Think of it as a mistake in marriage. Would you stay in a painful and pointless relationship because you'd invested so much in the wedding?
Go back to the love of your life. Pay back that loan as you can afford. At the time of this writing, there is no debtors prison in this country. And for G-d's sake, don't beat yourself up about this. Congratulate yourself for an escape in the nick of time, and have a happy life.
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Why not switch schools?
What about switching schools?
Student loan payments do not come due if you're still in school, even if you switch schools or even majors. And existing loans can be transferred to a new school. Yes, it's a pain. But more painful than suffering through another year at a school you hate? I doubt it.
Not all schools are full of sadistic professors. Perhaps H would be happier finishing her MBA at an average or pretty-good school that's closer to the love of her life, instead of the fancy-pants business school that sounded so good on paper.
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on keeping your head when all around you are losing theirs
Hey LW: I've been there. It was called "law school," otherwise known as "high school, part II." You can do it if you find what it takes to keep you sane. I recovered sanity the day I realized this: no matter how the school tries to pit you against your fellow students through artificial curve grading, in the end it's not about them, but you. You have no control over how other people do, but you can do what you need to do to be the best you can be and let the chips fall where they may.
You're used to being at the top of the class, right? Well, so is everyone else who goes to grad school. Your D- is better than an average student could do on his best day ever; trouble is, everyone you're at school with now is above average. You're being graded on a full scale against people who are all in the top 10%. This inevitably produces winners and losers. Please remember this is all an engineered situation.
I got through by spending as little time in the law school as possible, ignoring most of the conflicting advice I was given in favor of doing what worked for me, hanging out with a few other laid-back people, reading poetry, studying martial arts on the side, and taking several internships. Being out in the real world doing real work reminded me that school was just a means to an end.