Right off the bat, I think yesterday's column was incredible & deserves to be in the book.

Peanut lady.

I think that a book is a good idea so I'll chip in some thoughts...

You must include the crazy Bondesque guy that pined for the old love that he had located after many years. This is the guy that swam the bay, ran drugs TO Canada (Ya, that was the tip off that something was fishy) and came into great question by almost every reader of the column. I still think that he was a fake but the letter and the response made for a great read.

I also remember the letter from the mom that fought her back-woods upbringing in favour of a more liberal and hopefully enlightened future in a far away city only to find that her son who she was estanged from was embracing the past that she ran from.

Come to think of it Cary any letter that I have posted a response to obviously moved me to do so. I think that the majority of them would be good additions to a book. Feel free to add a reader response portion of your book as well. I come cheap - an autographed copy and a fab weekend in San Fran would suit me just fine.

Good luck with the book. I love that we live in a time where you can self publish in a way that will keep you and your wife true to yourselves while (hopefully) making a decent buck.

Cheers,

Jayne

yeah, that column.

...but the kick-ass line was:

"what is it about the dead that makes them feel they have the right to control the living???"... or something like that. the writer was worried about calling off a wedding because her mother was dying and wanted to see her get married before she died. your advice was brilliant.

After reading your response to the desperate mother, that's when I knew I'd love you forever.

Amy B.

I think the column that generated a lot of letters and a lot of different opinions was the one where the woman asked if she should break off her relationship with her married online friend once they lived in the same city. Maybe that'd be a good relationship one?

There have been a lot of great letters over the years. Standout topics: Writers who complain that they're beautiful, brilliant and misunderstood. Writers whose spouse/partner is sexually withholding or deficient and should the writer stay in the relationship. Struggles with addictions. Llamma ranching.

Replies: There was one a few years ago that had Cary joining the underground and eating good cheese in the current political climate. I think there were a couple that touched on people you meet in your life, some of whom are massively significant but aren't meant to be in your life for long.

And I may think of more, this is off the top of my head.

Fairley's letter (should I have an affair since my dear hubby won't have sex with me?)

The letter from the woman who didn't want to have to act girly and "helpless" to get men interested in her, where you explained to her why people allow others to help them (from 2002 or '03). Your response to this was really excellent.

To shave or not to shave!

The Farley letter was about the husband who would not have sex. It lit up Table Talk for ages. It came out whenever people were bored. It's a classic.

1. The book absolutely needs readers' letters too.

2. Include a few columns where you screwed up with some lousy advice (not hard to find), and much better advice was forthcoming from readers

3. Some meta-comments would be great - about the Big Themes from advice seekers (I screwed up my life 20 years ago/my parent hates me/my best friend eloped with my husband/etc)

4. Some meta comments about giving advice.

You definitely need more material than just original letter + your reply.

...the one who had left them for a jerk, and messed up their lives, and was devastated with guilt about it.

Are you going to include any of the Letters? Sometimes, no offense, they've outshone you on a given day.

I'd really try to vary your own responses that you select, and don't let too many of them be the swoozy, furrowed-brow-while-I-free-associate ones. When you think more clearly and narrate with more discipline I find your replies more effective.

The imaginative empathy isn't a bad approach, and sometimes your wandering transports do take you to a line that nails the heart of something, but it's inconsistent. (Maybe with detachment you'll see which times it's worked, and which times you're just indulging.)

Great idea to do a book, Cary. Hope they fly.

I loved the letter (and responses) to the young woman who wanted to know why her

friends wouldn't just shut up and let her die (and maybe you could include the entire letter if space would permit). A follow up on how she is doing would also be welcome.

I also recall a letter from a woman whose husband was a professor, with (what she perceived to be) snooty, intellectual friends, and she was convinced that he was going to cheat on her with one of his graduate students.

Also, your response to yesterday's letter writer was really quite wonderful.

two columns stand out in my mind:

1. the one in which the woman lost her engagement ring in a lake or river and you suggested that the couple return to the spot each year to go fishing (hoping to find the ring in belly of the fish they catch). 'twas a beautiful response.

2. your advice to the writer battling writer's block. you said to go curl up on the couch for a while, be quiet and still. maybe you didn't say quiet and still, but that was what i took from it. there often seem to be two components to your letters - the advice and the spirit of the advice (the advice-ness) and, while the advice may only speak to the letter writer specifically, its spirit speaks to everyone. anyway, the letter to the person with writer's block was terrific and helped this writer greatly.

thanks for taking your position so seriously. you do a hell of a job.