Letters to the Editor

This letter is associated with the following article:
I realize how much of myself I sacrificed, and I'm furious.
  • Forgive

    Mothers are not perfect. Not just yours - this applies to everyone. We, as children, tend to believe our mothers should be perfect: loving, understanding, selfless, wise, with endless patience, wanting only what's best for their children. It's hard to accept that a mother is just a woman with the same weaknesses and frailties than every other woman. But unfortunately "perfection" is not one of the hormones that are awakened by pregnancy. I think all of us mothers want to be perfect, but we have our own selves to contend with.

    As non-perfect beings our relationship with our children will not be perfect. Hard as we try, most of us cannot give our children everything they need: all the attention, love, support, balance, etc. etc. So we commit mistakes. Sometimes we even lean on our children, and if they support us, it becomes easier to lean on them the next time. It's also easy to rationalize when we do it. It's not fair to the kids, but I think it's quite common.

    As children, we need to accept that our mothers are not perfect, understand that they did not mean to fail us - they are just human. And then we need to forgive them. And, of course, we need to keep forgiving as the mother-daughter relationship is even harder when you are an adult.

    I think what the letter writer needs to do is understand her mother better, and try to feel a little bit of compassion for her.