My father had a heart attack last autumn at the age of 59 that left him with moderate damage to 20% of his heart. He got off with a simple stent and got to leave the hospital alive. Initially he took up rehabilitation with a venegeance - going to cardiac rehab, walking every day, watching his fat intake, and after smoking since the age of 14, quit smoking. Now he's sneaking them here and there, but he says he's "not smoking", which I think is like being "a little bit pregnant".

It is simply impossible to talk to him about it. He's an introvert but likes to have control over his own life. I think he truly believes that no one should be controlled, which was a wonderful trait to have in a father. He's tired of people talking to him about the heart attack, or lecturing him, and having just emerged from two pregnancies where everyone has an opinion on what you should or shouldn't eat or drink, I thoroughly understand his aversion to advice....but when you see someone you love acting like a bloody suicidal nicompoop, what do you do when you've said as much as you can?

He is a grown man. He has to make this decision. You can tell him you love him and want him around to see his grandchildren. You can tell him he's hurting you. But only he can stop it.

If he has liver disease, and is in beig enough denial to be doing this, LW needs to arrange for professional intervention. I'm not sure the LW can do this on her own, or even with her siblings. There's some sort of mental issue going on, or the addiction is so hardened that it may take medical intervention.

The LW is a better person than most. She's forgiven him his absence, etc. But she can't caretake her father. It's too big a burden.

When he huffs and acts immature, ignore him.

I wish the LW luck.

The most important measure in the treatment of alcoholic liver disease is to ensure the total and immediate abstinence from alcohol.

I would have agreed with this 100% in the days before I learned about milk thistle. Now I would amend it to say

The two most important measures in the treatment of alcoholic liver disease are to ensure the total and immediate abstinence from alcohol, and to get the patient on milk thistle.

Milk thistle has been shown to block much of the damage done by alcohol to the liver. Recent research is showing that it can even heal cirrhosis, which was previously believed to be impossible. Liver doctors are paying attention to this research now and putting more and more of their patients on it.

The active ingredient is called silymarin. The science looks very interesting, almost as interesting as cannabinoid science. It's another clever molecule manufactured in a weed. Well, you know, weeds are just plants that can survive a lot of ill treatment. So it makes sense that we'd find interesting molecules being made by common weeds.

Coffee has also recently been shown to lower liver enzymes. Maybe it's not such a coincidence that there's always coffee at AA meetings. Maybe alcoholics instinctively feel this improves their dodgy liver function.

I agree that he has to stop drinking, but for an addict that's going to be a journey that might take longer than just pulling the cord and getting out when the bus stops.

I would say get him on milk thistle right away in addition to the intervention. If the intervention doesn't take, at least the milk thistle has a chance of slowing down the progression of his cirrhosis.

The dosage printed on most milk thistle bottles is for someone without a problem who is using it as a supplement. A therapeutic dose for someone with a liver problem would be about four to six times that dose. If he's taking a big enough dose, he should be able to feel real improvement in a week or two.

Alcoholics Anonymous has all the characteristics of a cult:

Go to http://orange-papers.org

I had a long emotional talk with him about how much he meant to me and that I did not want to see him relapse because of the health consequences. It didn't make any difference. (His response at the time, "Well, you started smoking again," is indicative of his maturity.)

Wrong about his maturity. If you are indulging in an addiction that challenges your health and the happiness of your loved ones should you die from it (and this is exactly what you're doing), your dad has every right to call you on it.

He should stop drinking, but you should stop smoking. And until you are honest about your own addictions and the danger you subject yourself to (and the pain you subject your family to), you are in no place to judge.

How convenient that you completely skip over your own addiction to cluck at him. If you care so much, care for your father, and husband (and children if you have any) by giving up the smokes.

I could have written a very similar letter 15 years ago when I was 22. My father had been diagosed with colon cancer (and was soon to be diagnosed with liver cancer) yet continued to drink despite his doctor's warnings. My sisters and I begged him to stop. We begged him to go to rehab. I called the local alchohol abuse hotline and they said that he was the only one who could check himself in. When I spoke to his doctors they were incredibly rude to me - basically telling me he was a hopeless case and assuming, I guess, that this was the first time we'd approached him about his drinking problem. It wasn't. I'd been talking to him about it since I was 16 and he wouldn't acknowledge that I'd even said anything when I'd tell him of my concern. He had his fingers stuck firmly in his ears.

He didn't stop until he was too brain damaged by the liver cancer so that he wasn't able to get the alcohol for himself any more. He died about a year after that.

I have mixed feelings about Cary's response. On the one hand I think that if the LW could get someone from AA to come and talk to her father it would probably be a good thing...on the other, I want to absolve her of all responsibility towards him. It's a characteristic of adult children of alcoholics that we want to take care of people, particularly the one who's the alcoholic. But he's an adult. He's made his choices. It's not her fault he drinks nor will it be her fault when he dies from the disease. It will be his and his alone - even if she never talks to him again OR if she serves him drinks in her own house. It's sad and sickening and depressing, but he owns the problem.