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• Friday, September 15, 2006 05:08 AM

  Superficial impressions can be deceiving

  What I've noticed about people who are ostensibly "introverts" is that much of the time, once they are comfortable with someone they come "out of their shell" as it were, and are fully capable of spending enjoyable time interacting with those they love and care about.

  While I certainly agree that "opposites attract", there are all different stripes and colors of the introvert/extrovert paradigm--some of them utterly diametrical. It may be that in fact the LW's love interest, once comfortable, may loosen up and turn in to a more verbal yin to her yang. Or vice-versa.

  Some examples:

  I have a dear friend who is at times so non-verbal it's almost impossible to have a phone conversation with him--huge amounts of his communicative style is in his facial expressions--and there are times when we are on the phone where I have to hold my breath and hope he's going to respond because it takes him so long.

  I am *very* introverted, but hyper verbal at the same time, and fake being an extrovert really well. Yet I have no actual interest in interacting with or getting to know most new people, and have even less in small talk with strangers my co-workers--but they don't make me uncomfortable or awkward, just irritated. But with people with whom I am comfortable, I'm a stand-up comedian on speed.

  Finally, my wife is horridly introverted and socially anxious. Things like parties are too much for her to bear without large quantities of alchohol. But she's perfectly happy spending time with the sorts of people who endlessly spew drivel that would make me put a gun to my head. (That way she doesn't have to carry the conversation, if you see what I'm implying in reference to *our* relationship. )

  So my point is that once these two "introverts" finally do get to know one another, the whole relationship dynamic might morph once they feel easy together. There is a whole spectrum of introversion for them to discover.

  I hope they find a way to do so!

  —Wheever in VT Read Wheever in VT's other letters
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