Letters to the Editor
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Two words: Coping Skills
As a person who grew up with so much good fortune, the death of her father notwithstanding, the LW, like so many fortunate/spoiled people, probably is just lacking in everyday coping skills. Such skills are sort of like a muscle that has to be consciously exercised in order to be strong. People who grow up with more hardship sort of get this naturally. (note to parents: do not try to make your kids happy and entertained every moment of the day - they'll never learn to cope with adversity.)
I disagree with those that recommned anti-depressants. This is another sign of a weak and spoiled society that thinks it must be happy all the time, or else, use some kind of substance, prescribed or not, to medicate away these awful discomforts. She's not suicidal, after all. I agree with 2 Cents that she needs to leave her cozy coccoon and get out, discover, and live real life and come to terms with the reality of pain and hardship, and deal with it like the rest of us on Planet Earth. "Into each life, some rain must fall." She could also play down her beauty and just be natural, open, and caring to others, who might be able to share her pain, if she shares theirs.
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Something about Salon letter-writers . . .
I've gotten interested in the "attack dog" segment of Salon's subscribers. It is a side of many liberals that the Republican caricature misses. The tough-guy non-nonsense liberal can be a match for any conservative when it comes to drinking deeply at the well of "character" and telling everyone else to shape up or ship out. At first I wasn't even going to read these letters, because I was sure there would be a spate of them slamming the LW for being a spoiled brat. The interesting thing to me is not that many people feel this way about the LW, but that they are driven to let her know personally how much they despise her. It takes a certain amount of effort to produce one of these letters. There must be quite a bit of free-floating hostility in a person who decides to let another person, a complete stranger, know in no uncertain terms that "You disgust me." Especially when this is based on a snap judgment made after reading a few sentences in a letter to an advice columnist.
These amateur psychologists with the DSM-IV in their hands and the page open to Narcissistic Personality Disorder could conceivably be right about the LW, but I am pretty sure they are wrong. She does not fit the criteria. Her critics are just reaching for an overused journalistic misnomer for any person judged to be "all about me." I'd say that these letter-writers--who want all of Salon's readership to know that they have instantly psyched out this young lady and called her on her bullshit--had better be careful about an "all about me" diagnosis coming home to roost.
I don't have any more to go on than they do, but what she says is strongly suggestive of something else. When you think the job you can't stand is good "from any rational perspective" and the boyfriend you don't want to marry or be intimate with any longer is the person you can't imagine not spending the rest of your life with, you suffer from a condition that is the very opposite of narcissistic entitlement: your psyche is entirely occupied by other people's opinions about what you SHOULD want, and when you look for your self you can't find it. It is an existential condition, yes, but I also suspect that these "wonderful" parents must have told you a great deal about who you are and what you should be doing and feeling, and that you did not really have permission to dispute these ascriptions.
LW, there is much for you to ponder and much to do, but as many other contributors have suggested, you certainly need to bust out of the job and the relationship just for starters. Your boyfriend is a nice person and doesn't "deserve" this, but that is a change of subject. We are talking about YOU. He will be fine. If you can understand that in an issue of such tremendous moment to you, he does not have a vote--that you wouldn't think HE had no right to be happier with someone else than with you--you will have made a good beginning on beginning to see that your own vote about yourself DOES count.
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Getting treatment for depression
... should not START with medication, particularly for someone who is lucky enough to be able to afford individual psychotherapy. Talk first. Then try the meds if you and the therapist think you need them.
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Get out of yourself...
LW, since you are an heiress, consider how you can make a difference in the world. I don't mean simply give your money away. I mean become intimately involved in a cause you are passionate about, and begin contributing to it.
Since you just lost your dog your dad gave you, maybe consider an animal shelter as a tribute to him and your dog?
A few years ago after I became successful in my business I and decided to start working on the development side of the animal shelter I was volunteering at. Now, I organize fundraisers, give my own money, and help save and enrich lives on a daily basis. Staying involved and visiting the shelter regularly, and seeing the difference my time and money make in something elses life lifts my heart in ways absolutely nothing else can.
By getting involved, you will get outside yourself in ways you can't imagine, you will make the world a better place, and leave a great legacy in your family's name.
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Uncle
Dear LW,
By any chance did your uncle marry your mother after your father's death.
By any chance have you been having funny dreams about a ghost.
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"what does it profit a man to gain the whole world yet lose his very soul?" -- Jesus
Dear LW --
I, too, have been given much in this life, and I am now 47 years into this journey. I wish I had known in my 20's the three key things make life worth living:
1] An intimate relationship with the God who created you and is by your side now. (no, NOT religion)
2) Loving others and loving yourself forgivingly and unconditionally.
3) Exercising your mind and body everyday. EVERY DAY.
Faith is what will enable you to do each of the above.
It's a leap, but it is real and it is LIFE. And it is there for the asking. Just Pray.