The LW *told* him to slap a womens ass? there's something weird going on here. Does she get off on creating violent situations ?

It seems to me that the letter writer suspects that she ought not to be with someone as wild as he is, but, tellingly, she seems to act very little like someone who doesnt like that behavior.

She asked him, "nonchalant" to slap the waitress' ass, knowing that he might do it? It seems that what she thinks she should do, and what she actually wants to do, may be two different things.

She describes the parts of him that are supposed to be the characteristics of concern with lip-licking specificity, heroin addict, black sheep, lsd user- and his exploits- "My lips have popped", "Slap her arse"- but gives, as the attributes that supposedly attract her to him, only that his is kind and may buy her a suit?

If there is one thing that I have learned, hearing people (myself included) moan endlessly about their bad relationships, the tragic terrible qualities of otherwise perfect lovers, it's that we choose our bad much more carefully than the good. We choose angry people when we need to be the one who is reasonable, we choose the stodgy when we want to be the cool one, we choose the addict for a thousand different reasons- but I've got a hard time believing that this girl chose this boy "despite" his wild side.

Stay with him, letter writer, as long as you like. He won't change, so keep all credit cards in your own name, breakable things packed safely away, and the number of a friend able to post bail in your pocket. Admit you relish it, continue relish it. Make the choice to do what you want, but as if you're in control of it.

And when it's not what you want anymore, end it.

That's a joke, sort of, but the image that came to my mind was that LW is like the owner of a pit bull prancing around the neighborhood taking pride in her barely controlled dog and a certain amount of glee at how she's scaring the neighbors. Funny how the neighbors won't always put up with his or her antics.

If LW really hates her BF when he is drunk or high, then he will stop using or she should leave. LW might also consider, perhaps, that she is a lot worse for him than he is for her because she, at least, maintains control over her own actions even as she prompts him to lose control over his. From his history of drug use, including some drugs that might have done permanent damage, I deduce that the last thing he needs are chemicals or human beings egging him on to do silly things like slapping the backside of a complete stranger who is trying to do her job. In fact, he might need the exact opposite of what LW is offering. This should definitely stop soon so that no one will be tempted to call animal control.

This guy sounds like a heck of a lot of fun, and LW sounds like she's having an absolute ball hanging out with the wild guy... she gets to act like she's crazy, too, slapping young girls on the ass and making various drunken & youthful ruckuses. Hang on until it's not fun any more, LW... worry about the long term later. (All this is fun and games until someone gets pregnant, you know, so stay on the Pill).

Don't listen to Cary. You two have something very special and magical going on and you should keep it going. In fact, it's so special that you should share it with the world by getting a digital cam, shooting videos of all your antics, and uploading it to YouTube. This kind of entertainment you can't make up -- you'd have the hottest reality show going. The restaurant thing was cool, but how much more cooler would it be to have videoed the whole thing and shared it with the world. Your boyfriend is the next Internets superstar and Hollywood is waiting, they need people like you. So think big, get the camera and start some fun, you won't regret it.

Cause otherwise i would have been unable to understand the LW's point.

What are the chances that he'll get over it? I mean, people grow up, don't they?

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Cary gave good advice. The LW is not mature enough to follow it.

Does she get off on his getting beaten up or causing beat downs? He sounds less than intelligent here. The LW sounds like a drama queen who likes causing bad situations and then testing her BF with them. They deserve each other.

She needs to grow up. He needs to dump her because she's the bad influence, not him.

I agree with the first few responses. She seems to be encouraging him in the very behavior she wants to leave him over. What's that about? I can't tell if she's self-destructive, divided over what she actually wants, or trying to cover up her anxiety with a casual, hearty tone. She doesn't seem that upset over what's happening, and it doesn't sound like she's worried about the serious issues, emotional and otherwise, that can develop in a relationship with a substance abuser. In fact, her tone reads as so happy and confident that I can't tell why she wrote. It almost sounds more like she's bragging about this "crazy" guy than troubled. I don't know what's really going on in it.

Which makes me appreciate Cary's ability to pen an answer. I suspect if I were an advice columnist, I would have thought "you're kidding" and ignored the letter. Not necessarily the best response. I guess his advice is right. Everything he says about substance abuse, and the enablers of addiction, is true.