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• Friday, September 1, 2006 08:09 AM

  she's lost control again....

  Dear It's My Party,

  1.| Technically, it's your son's party... not yours. That means all the people who are related to him want to be included.

  Dealing with in-laws takes getting used to for many people. Keep in mind that they feel about their son, your fiance', the way you feel about your son. You are related by blood now, scary as it may be to realize that. It's unfortunate that you're not married yet, because there is potential for this type of conflict to poison a relationship. Try to think of it as an effort toward peace in the Middle East. If we can't even get along with dysfunctional relatives, what hope is there?

  2.| Ask your fiance' to speak to his siblings about the hotel arrangements. He can tell them that he's worried about Mom and Dad being all alone and far away without anyone to help them. (It sounds like they really could use help.)

  Also have him mention that the baby has been having trouble sleeping / is colicky / or some other excuse, so it would really be best to avoid having a big, disruptive gathering at the house right before the christening. Offer to pool resources so everyone can stay at the cheaper hotel together. (Think of what they'll save on gas!) Unless you have a McMansion, it should easy enough to chalk it up to not having the room to host everyone.

  3.| No one can hijack your plans unless *you* let them, especially long-distance. Give out as little information as possible and if they want to help, just respond cheerfully, "I think that's all covered. Thanks for offering to help!"

  4.| Expect the unexpected. Realize that no matter how much you try to control these types of events, something unexpected will pop up. It may help to think of yourself as participating in one great big improvisational comedy. (Our secular wedding, for example, was officiated by a female pastor from the Society for Ethical Culture. My husband is an atheist. His mother stood up and interrupted the ceremony because she 'had to' invoke Jesus's blessing. Talk about hijacking.)

  Please heed Cary's well-founded advice. Oh, and grow up, for the sake of your baby.

  Best wishes!

  —Anonymous
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