Stop trying to cultivate her friendship because you don't like not being liked. She has sensed your insecurity and is preying on it. There is no reason her unfounded poor opinion of you should hurt you. Does her not knowing about your accomplishments lessen them anyway? No.

She is fucking with you and you are letting her get away with it. It is time to start fucking with her. Whenever she makes a jab, look at her wide-eyed and say, with an exaggerated grin and gasp: "Woo hoo! Are you fucking with me? Oh my God, you're fucking with me, aren't you?" Then turn to anyone around and say, with a big grin, "You gotta watch out for this one!"

Just have the exact same response no matter what the put down is. Never lose the smile. Never lose the happy tone that says "I'm fucking with you, too, bitch."

This puts her in an untenable position. If she tries to get others to agree with her that you are defensive or acting strange, it will forcibly highlight her own execreble behavior. She'll stop. And if she doesn't, you'll have a good time needling her.

There was a woman who did this to me. Every time she did it to me I made 'fangs' with my forefinger and middle finger and waggled them at her, hissing. "Cobra! Phhht! Phhhhht! You're a cobra!" And laugh and laugh. Everyone around me would laugh too, giving her the choice to laugh along or be laughed at. She got really bitter and stopped hanging around the group, after which everyone breathed a sigh of relief. Apparently I wasn't the only one that viewed her as a toxic little cloud over our gatherings.

And do NOT carpool. Are you insane? Have your boyfriend there when you chirpily tell her "Oh, say, x, we're not going to be able to carpool. It's a special anniversary for us and we want to use the drive time to deepen our connection, don't we snuggle bottoms." Smile. "You understand." Make sure you use that "I'm fucking with you, ha ha ha!" No matter what her response is, laugh as if you think she's being funny.

Because of compassion, non-compassion exists. The division makes people believe they have to choose one or the other. Theres no such thing as either. Compassion is a word for an action that YOU believe exists. Its the question that comes across YOUR BRAIN when you see a homeless person and feel guilty for not giving anything, not giving enough, "WHAT do I do?. If I give him this, I'm compassionate and caring. If not, I'm soul-less".

LW is wondering "WHAT DO I DO?" instead of doing whatever she wants. Yes there are consequences for certain actions, but ALL ACTIONS have apparent consequences.

Compassion is a prideful,warm thought process disguised in the illusion of selfishness and guilt. We have no idea of what it is, yet we talk about it like we know its address and what it likes for dinner.

SHOW ME COMPASSION! For compassion to exist, non-compassion has to exist. And no one can show me either. they can only TALK or THINK about what it is.

You speak of compassion, but you have no idea whats coming out of your mouth. Nor do I, nor does LW, nor does Cary.

words,words,words... when the only thing that I can see are my fingers typing on this keyboard...

I feel sorry for the LW who must contend with this age-old problem, but what is with the whole "we both went to top flight schools, we're successful, we're accomplished" baloney? Is this to distinguish the behavior from something we can see on "Jerry Springer"? I know there should be no expectation of self-awareness, except for the fact that some people wear their intelligence and self-awareness on their sleeves every hour of every day.

I heartily agree with Cary -- sometimes cats is cats, as they say, and an appropriately timed "Fuck you" is not only le mot juste, but is nothing more or less than the woman deserves. And let her find her own way to the reunion.

How about this tactic: Next time the ex-GF starts her little humiliation tirade, LW interrupts excitedly and says: "Oh, wait! I think I know this part! This is where you mock me and say my tastes are shallow and yours are so high brow, blah, blah, blah." [Note: The script includes the actual words "blah, blah, blah," meant to convey boredom and dismissal.] You might even pause and add: "Well, at least I got the man!"

Why is LW making generalizations about how women act towards each other and then asking a man why women do that? Do you really need a man to validate your own personal feelings about female behaviour and explain it all to you because you can't figure it out with your li'l ol' lady brain? Gimme a break!

How about this, LW? Being a woman has nothing to do with bitchy behaviour, men can be just as bitchy as women. People are bitchy, let's go with that. What can you do? Not waste your time being in her company.

End of problem.

You know Sokol's essay was a put-on, right?

I'm pretty sure I understand the words coming out of my mouth, but now I have Chris Tucker dialogue in my head. Thanks for that!

And her post made me notice something in the quote:

My boyfriend is more than willing to just not attend parties or other functions that she throws..

So, you are literally choosing to show up at her house. You're not just stuck in the same circle of friends -- you are showing up at her home, with the man she loves on your arm.

Stop doing that. Stop putting on a show. It's clear that you are self-conscious of your own position here. You are well aware of her feelings, and you aren't just hoping to be friendly. You are constantly thinking of how others perceive you, how she perceives you.

This is one of those situations where I wish I could write a response to the other person in the letter. I wish I could say to the ex, "Honey, stop inviting him to your house. Stop letting her flaunt her relationship in front of you. The best way to get over your ex is to force yourself to detox. Stay away from him until you don't miss him anymore. It might take a year, but that's what you have to do."