Any blind date candidates in the LW's circle?

Next time she makes a particularly obvious ninja cut, pause pregnantly, and with composure and sincerity ...tell her " Oh my god do I have the perfect match for you..."

Help help help nice nice nice...unless she is a sociopath kindness never hurts...if she is crazy maybe you should kill her...but that may make some of your friends uncomfortable.

As for the ride I would only go with her if you have an ex- whom could ride as well...and video tape it so we can watch on CNN

"The LW doesn't seem cut out for either the relentless self-promotion or mean-spiritedness that is so prevalent -- and indeed almost a requirement for getting ahead -- in American culture. Maybe she's of British or Chinese or some other foreign background, where modesty is actually favored?"

I'm a multi-generational American mutt who isn't cut out for this either. I thought I was just well brought-up.

I think Cary gave pretty good advice. You mainly need to make it clear you know what's up, and it should stop. I think 'Fuck you' is over the top, but that (as he notes) depends on your circle.

I've found dismissive humor works best. (Partly because I'm not so keen on conflict, partly because it leaves them a graceful way out, which is usually a good thing when you think about cornered rats and all that.) Others have already made some great examples; I found the idea of the boyfriend saying, "Now I remember why I broke up with you" especially harsh -- a bit of the nuclear option. Dismissive is key -- I think things like:

The classic! "Yeah, whatever"

"Is that what the cool-kids/14-year-olds are watching/reading/listening to these days?"

"Ah yes, sometimes I forget how much better your taste is than mine."

"Are you coming on to me?"

"*Damn* you're cool! I could never be that cool!"

"Is that what we're being told to wear(listen to/like) these days?"

"Oh dear! Am I not cool enough? Do I have to go now?"

"Yeah, *I* was going to say that, but then I realized it sounds really pompous..."

"Do you *really* like that stuff? Okay...."

I quite liked the "Phht, phht, you're a cobra!" just 'cuz it's such a funny image. Making a "Rowwwwr" cat-fighting noise may also be effective. I think the key is not taking her mean shots seriously, but still calling attention to their impoliteness.

Unless you really want to have hashing out session where you try to resolve things, which only seems worthwhile if you really do have a lot to do with each other, skip the car pooling, for the love of god! Just say "we want some time together" or "you seem to get nasty when the three of us are together" but don't do the road trip.

Finally, as others have pointed out, stop showing up on her turf. At least for a while. She should still be allowed to have parties, etc. Rubbing her face in things won't make them better.

In a vaguely related note, I will always remember and admire one of my college roommates quips. A girl down the hall was constantly coming in and telling us how great her boyfriend was(who, oddly enough, we never actually met, or even saw). One day my roommate was tuning his guitar with a device that gave the various notes. She walks in and says "My boyfriend tunes his guitar by ear." My roommate, deadpan, "Wow. He must have a really big dick."

Okay, it was college. But she shut up....

Take Cary's advice and when she jabs you again respond with a little assertion -- AND a little amusement. If you make it a light joke (perhaps lightly at her expense) you'll be able to reclaim your ground with out killing the mood.

There's nothing wrong with a little ball bustin'

This may have been said, since I just don't have the time to read through all the letters, but befriending this woman would end all the sniping easily.

Many, many years ago, I broke up with a boyfriend who hooked up with a "loser" a week later. I had nothing but disdain and put downs for her. Then, they moved across the street from me. The ex did this intentionally, so she could have a friend. And you know what? We did become very good friends. Her ability to reach out to me and be friends really impressed me and I grew to love and respect her.

I'm not saying this can happen over night or that you should immediately form a carpool with her. But offering your hand in friendship may give you a new friend and bring a lot of peace to all concerned.

she's probably used people just letting it slide when she makes these comments. my suggestion: turn it around by forcing her to elaborate so she gets stuck.

you say you loved the new will ferrell movie. she says something like "yeah, you would."

you say: "what do you mean by that?"

she says: "will ferrell is so lowbrow."

you say:"isn't that why everyone loves him?"

or just say: "are you judging me?" half-serious, pause, then laugh it off.

or: "why do you care so much?" half-serious, pause, then laugh it off.

the pause, then laughing is key -- it gives her a chance to invent a response, but the laughing cuts off any chance for her to give it.

this advice came in very handy when dealing w. the bitchy girls in high school -- which tells you what i think about the ex-girlfriend's maturity level.

I bet "Fed Up" has had tons of George Kastanza moments trying to come up with something witty to say after ex-GF makes a dig at her. An hour later you think of the perfect response, which happens to me all the time. If (like me) you're not used to confrontation, even a subtle back off/fuck off attempt that you've practiced in your head a million times can come out sounding like you have stage fright. Good luck.