This was a superb response that treated the LW with kindness while being honest about personal responsibility.

To me, the best friend doesn't sound jealous about LW's larger income. He said he'd have the same operation if he could afford it. But I think the real issue is that, in their relationship, LW's the timid one who holds back, he's the aggressive one who pushes for things. They probably have this conversation before every decision LW makes (should I get the new car? vacation in Europe? ride that roller-coaster? try on a different pair of slacks?). Those are their roles.

This time, it turned out badly. And maybe he's so used to LW being too afraid that he didn't know in this case he was encouraging an act with serious repercussions. It sounds like her docter similarly encouraged her to think this was no big deal (and those web sites Cary linked also indicate that the public at large is unaware of the dangers involved).

I think LW has every reason to be open. If he is indeed her best friend, there is no reason why LW shouldn't be able to say anything to him. But I don't think this is his responsibility, and I don't think he did it out of jealousy or unkindness. It's a terrible situation, though, and I hope LW finds a solution.

Have you talked to your eye doctor about the side-effects you are experiencing? touch ups to improve some of the visual disturbances are often possible. I'd be very surprised if your doctor didn't have any concrete recommendations on how to deal with some of these issues. You don't say when you had your surgery, but it sounds common that the surgery requires an adjustment period - and often some follow up surgery. Trying to think practically might help you from falling into full out panic and depression over the changes. Use eye drops to ease the dryness, and consult with your doctor rather than thinking fatalistically about the results of your surgery. Consult with another doctor if they are unhelpful. Best of luck to you.

It probably isn't much of a consolation, crying and dry eyes are common post LASIK problems that cleared up for me over 2 years after the procedure. I didn't have horrible problems and I don't regret surgery which was covered by my health insurance at the time. But for the first six months I had to use eye drops several times a day and would burst into tears in the wrong lighting conditions. Now my eyes are fine. So while the LW may always have vexing problems they might get better and there might be things that could be done to help in the mean time.

Good luck.

I think AABS should absolutely tell the friend of the consequences of his advice. Even if she intellectually accepts what Cary is saying, some part of her will still feel resentment for a while (until she emotionally accepts responsibility; a very different thing which may be a long time coming.) In the interim it will absolutely color their interactions. That kind of tension breaks up friendships, and in a very slow and unpleasant way.

She should tell him what happened and that, even though she knows its irrational, she's angry with him and blames him. I find just telling people I'm angry helps tremendously. If nothing else, it'll prevent him from giving the same bad advice to others. It occurs to me that if he holds as much sway over her as she says he does, he likely has other similar friendships (either because he's naturally persuasive or just likes to surround himself with malleable people.)

So, to conclude, she should tell him because, (a) if she wants the friendship it'll help clear the air; (b) if she doesn't want the friendship, telling him will help her break it off more cleanly; (c) either way, it'll help prevent other people getting the same bad advice. My two cents.

Never mind all the scout-camp fireside oratory about accepting the results of one's actions! The ill-advised advice of the best friend, too, is very much a sideline. This sounds like one of those times that one sues the holy hell out of one's doctor. That's where the energy in this affair belongs. People do it for quite frivolous reasons, but this sounds like one of those situations where it's not only legitimate but righteous to sue - a platinum-plated shoo-in of a lawsuit. The letterwriter's vision is severely compromised, with crushing psychological stress as well as disability in consequence.

The same principle that applies to the best friend, though, applies to me too; I'm not a lawyer, and a lawyer's advice is what's needed. Letterwriter, find yourself a fierce doctor-eating lawyer amongst the many who specialize in medical malpractice suits. And, from here on out, take your medical advice from a medical professional who has earned your trust through competence, not a friend.

Please, LW, don't act on your suicidal thoughts. Try not to entertain them. When you feel them overwhelm you, call someone, like 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433). I'm going through similar issues (i.e., dealing with what appears to be a chronic and lifelong condition), and I struggle with depression and suicidal ideation. The seconds are very hard sometimes, but stick with it. If it can't get any worse, it might still get better.

It seems to me that the primary responsibility for this situation lies with the doctor, if indeed LW was a poor candidate for the surgery. That's supposed to be the DOCTOR'S job; otherwise a technician could do it. While it would have been optimal had the LW learned more ahead of time, he or she reasonably expected the doctor to identify surgical risk factors. It wasn't the friend's job to screen the LW's candidacy and he probably didn't know that screening was in order. The friend may have heard from others how great the surgery is (I hear it all the time but I'm not a good candidate either) and reasonably thought that even if I can't live without glasses, I wish my friend could.

Being mad at the friend without telling him is a little passive-aggressive. The friend needs to know, if only because well, he's a friend. Also it's useful to spread the word about a bad experience so everyone else doesn't hear only glowing stories. So I agree that the LW should check out "improvement" surgeries, find out more about whether the symptoms might still subside, and pursue this with his/her doctor rather than secretly rage at the friend. And remember, the LW still sees better than Stevie Wonder.