Letters to the Editor

This letter is associated with the following article:
A reader needs a spanking, or at least she needs Cary to indulge her desire for hot verbal transgression -- and she gets it.
  • It does not always come in the one package

    On cooling myself down after reading Cary's stream, nay cataract of erotic meanderings I think the LW needs to consider a few things.

    How important is sexual fullfillment in the wider context of her relationship, is sex an important way of acheiving intimacy and connectedness for her?. It isn't the case for everyone. I'm convinced many people have wonderful relationships in which they don't get that big a charge out of sex with the person they're in love with. And it doesn't matter, whereas other things like sharing their thoughts and feelings may be for some people.

    I think it can put an unfair weight on a relationship to expect that one other person is going to meet the bulk if not all of your needs (emotional, physical, intellectual etc.) for the rest of your life. Lets face it how often do most people who have been together for 10 years or more actually have sex with each other? There are ex-marital affairs, one offs, masturbation, sublimation, self denial that come into play for most people in long term relationships.

    Presumably LW's relationship is fairly new but if she is planning on spending the rest of her life with this otherwise satisfactory guy she needs to give this some thought. If he isn't meeting her needs now it's pretty unlikely to change too much for the better as time goes on.

    How important is sex/monogamy/fidelity in your life?