Read The Soul Beneath the Skin by David Nimmons for a unique look at gay rapport.

Great advice Cary. You hit the nail on the head this time.

Thank you, and good point re the pressure coming from within as well as from society.

And LW - yes, you're not gay, e quinton is just a dick.

I know a number of gay men who really like women, and no one accuses them of secretly being straight.

that straight men feel the need to bluster and become vulgar when defending their straightness. It wasn't enough to say "I'm not gay," LW had to become a 'pussyhound,' panicked about 'sucking dicks' and anything coming near his 'poop chute.'

Typical, but unfortunate and childish.

Cary is not quite right, for all that he has never been completely wrong. What I-less is trying to understand is the dynamics of being a beta male.

Alpha only looks to be fun when you're not it.

LW: They've been interesting to talk to, funny, noncompetitive and just generally good company. Part of me thinks these are the people I should be around.

That describes all of my closest male friends (say 20-30 guys).

None but three of them are gay. But, of course, we're geeks to a man.

We prefer films to football, baristas to bars, and believe a conversation isn't compelte unless it's covered death, religion, and politics.

Perhaps you should just not hang around jocks?

This letter echoes some of the sentiments expressed earlier this week in Salon's "Actually, Hell Is Other People," and the accompanying readers' comments. Apparently, "a new study says Americans have fewer friends than ever," so the LW is not alone in that respect, even though he is alone.

Solid advice and insight on Cary's part. We'd all have many more truly close friendships if we could get past the posturing, the fears, the expectations and preconceptions we have in relation to others. All friendship begins in openness and acceptance, whether gay or straight, male or female.

Maybe the LW's gay male friends could introduce him to some of their gay and straight female friends, who in turn could introduce him to some of their straight male friends, and all would live in harmony happily ever after without too many references to sports scores or cars or..."pussyhounds." Miao.

"But I'm not gay. I've always been a pussy hound, and the idea of kissing a man, sucking dick or sharing my poop chute with one is a total turnoff. I get not one tiny frisson of curiosity when I think about that stuff."

Yes, I can see how "too much bluff and testosterone" can be so annoying.

You're not attracted to them, but do you think they're attracted to you?

I think if anything it would help that dude to broaden his horizons a little more. Sexuality is quite complex and often misunderstood and that's the sort of understanding that helps everyone.

Curious letter and good advice from Cary. Several people have already responded about why LW only seems to meet testosterone-poisoned straight men and why he needs to employ their language when describing his sexual preferences. I'd be curious to know where he lives and/or what kind of profession he's in. That might have something to do with why he never seems to meet caring, conversational, men with social graces who happen to be straight. I would guess he might like guys like my brothers; they're straight, family-oriented fellows, but they're both urbanites in helping professions (education and social work), which doesn't leave much time for huntin', fishin' and fightin'. Maybe all LW needs is to pick his friends from a different pool.

But what really interests me about this letter is found in his first paragraph. "All lovely women, all madly in love with me, but I just couldn't get along with them. I was too critical, not attentive enough, just plain ornery, whatever. Drove them nuts and they in turn drove me nuts with their unhappiness, their dissatisfaction, their anger." Say, what? This is pretty serious stuff. Perhaps LW needs to integrate what he perceives as "gay" behavior into his relationships with women rather than worrying about finding new male friends. Obviously he doesn't have any trouble attracting female attention, but why can't he keep it? Does he choose women only because other men are impressed with their looks or style, but they lack the intellectual depth and sensitivity he truly craves? Does he expect women to become something they're not in order to satisfy needs he can't even express? Does he have an inability to communicate what he values, or does what he values change capriciously? Any of the above could cause a lot of frustration and anger. Dare I say the T word? I'm sure there's a nice therapist out there, maybe even gay!, who could help LW model his behavior so he could BECOME more of what he seeks from outside. Or maybe LW just needs to trade his big-wheel pick-up for an apartment in the big city and a couple of night school courses ... cooking or art, perhaps ... and straight men AND women he could become friends with.

I expected the letters to be primarily from morons presuming the LW must be gay.

But there is only one out of the first 13, and that person used another way to demonstrate that he is a moron. He used the second person possesive pronoun, your, instead of the contraction of 'you' and 'are,' you're.

I, too, have noticed that most of my interactions with males tend to be with gay males. And Cary's answer is spot-on.

Try going to places "geeky" people go. I guess.

Or just be content with gay male friends. As long as their gay-dar is functioning properly, they won't be hitting on you.

Unless you are worried that some potential mate will get the wrong idea, I can't see any real downside.

About straight men: "I don't find them relaxing to be around."

So they exist to provide you with entertainment?

"I have had gay men friends, most of whom were first friends of one of my wives."

“One” of my wives. Steller character. And he notes all those wives were “madly in love” with him, though he seems not to have returned the compliment.

“They've been interesting to talk to, funny, noncompetitive and just generally good company. Part of me thinks these are the people I should be around.”

Ah, yes. Nonthreatening, amusing, from whom you feel no threat of competition and, can we suppose, get you off on the interest they have towards you, interest you will never reciprocate?

Obviously, he wants to be loved, not love, to always be the adored object without actually having to give anything in return.

Generally, we call them cockteasers.