Letters to the Editor
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It's an age thing, but not "little girls"
Look, few men (who aren't fathers) know what a pre-adolescent girl actually looks like; I don't think that's it so much (though it's true that purity and innocence are more highly valued now than in the past 30 years and I'm thinking the trend will continue until the inevitable realization that real innocence means naivete).
I think men have glommed onto an aesthetic that's age-related. Older-GenX? Typically Don't Shave (and men don't necessarily prefer women to be shaved). Younger-GenX? say <35? Shave or Wax, and the men expect it.
Baby Boomer? Right out. I can't even imagine the conversation. Maybe discussions about shaved pits, but not shaved pussies. Maybe about changing aspects of femininity through time but not "do men prefer young girls?"
The one and only time I shaved I noted that my 4" long c-section scar, which had been quite well-done and kindly hidden below my pube line, was now very prominent. That did not make me feel sexy.
It's how you can tell the hip cougars and MILFs from the ones who are really a mom, and have more responsibilities than spending time and money getting brazilians.
I'm 44 and go for the compromise: grooming shows you care, but trimmers are plenty. No need to pay for a wax -- dude, kids' college or regular waxing? seriously? -- no pain, no itching. Unless you're doing submission, then, you know, whatever s/he wants.
I'm thinking about dyeing the bush blue though... looking into the risks.
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My boyfriend doesn't even like me shaving my leg hair
He likes me all natural. I envy women who don't shave their legs, but I'm brainwashed, and so I regularly get my leg hair removed.
A guy can ask you to do things, but it has to be a relationship where both of you are compromising and doing things for each other.
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Kate, how about Mons?
As in Mons Veneris, the Mountain of Venus, the Mountain of Love?
"MMM, I love your mons." How's that sound.
Although pudendal cleft is, let's face it, awesome!
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Mons Veneris
Sounds a little Lady Chatterly's Lover-ish to me, I feel like I'd have to be clad in garters with my hair in a big bouffant 'do, bestride a loutish construction worker/gardener/horse trainer with a barrel chest (un-manscaped, naturally).
"Pudendal cleft" now runs a close second to "muff" in my book. Magical!
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Times they are a chanin'
I have been a waxer for many, many years. If for no other reason than I could not stand the ingrown hairs that would follow shaving. However, the shaving I refer to was merely that to allow me to wear a bathing suit in summer, not show off part of me cover up since junior high.
Having had years of waxing experience, having tried to wax myself (not a good idea ladies!), having tried just trimming with scissors, I am now convinced that I am getting old. On a recent (almost painfully recent) trip to the salon (a new one) I decided to get a bikini wax. The entire shop is run by Vietnamese women and some men. They do a mani/pedi for $20 and are done before you can finish an article in People Magazine. After my nails dried, I went in for the wax. My life will never be the same.
The very small, young Vietnamese woman told me, upon entering the waxing room, to take of my pants. Usually, the esthetician will leave a pair of disposable underwear on the table for you, leave the room quietly as the aroma of warm honey fills the room. She comes back when you are ready, and wearing the undies, albeit small and sheer undies. And then the waxing comences. She will generally ask you how much you would like off, you show her and that's that.
So my expectations were of an easy, clean up the bixini line, wax. Oh no. Was I in for a surprise. The Vietnamese woman, after I had relaxed a bit, told me to take of my underwear. I lay there, in a reclined position, with a woman and a stick of hot wax between my legs. Before I knew it, she was ripping the hair off all over while also using some kind of oil to remove the excess wax. Honestly, if she had massaged a bit more, either one of us could have been arrested! It was as close to lesbian sex as I've ever had. Her hand on my pussy, extremely close to penetration, rubbing back and forth to remove the wax. I didn't know what to think.
And then, she did the unthinkable. She asked me to turn over.
At that point, the waxing session was over. I told her I was done and didn't need any more hair removed. When I finally convinced her to stop, she handed me a mirror. "Look, pretty! You're husband will like!" I was horrified, mortified and embarassed. But I knew she was right. I find it disturbing that men like the "little girl" look, and I don't get it. I married a man, who does not like little girls, but he loves to see my pussy. That's the only explanation I have.
I don't think I will go back to the salon for another wax. I will find a place that will respect the boundries of the disposable underwear.
Allyson
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It's a question of taste
Put me firmly in the box with the other trimmed to bare aficionados. Every woman I've known who has done so has said it enhanced the sexual experience. Not only do I think it looks sexy on most women, it allows the cunning linguist full access to every square inch of territory without the worry of ingesting unnecessary hair.
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Vive la bush
Dreadful. This infantilising of women's bodies strikes this man as another sympton of men's reducing women to dolls or (worse) children. In part, I also blame the porn industry for convincing men that this is what women should look like, i.e. porn star styles must be carried over into real life. I'm glad I grew up in an era of natural women and men who loved them that way. Women of the world, resist this tyranny and embrace your natural bodies!
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Not Easy To Improve On Nature
A woman in her natural state is not only sexually desireable, but also real, and never fails to arouse me. In this I have many decades of experience.
If a man is sexually aroused by what looks like a baby what does this say about that man?
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Your Tierra Del Feugo is your business
I am a woman in her 30's who read this letter and responses with interest. I am single and dating in NYC and I am 100% natural 'down there'. I shave my legs and armpits but am fairly low maintenace - in fact, I am the only one of my pals who is natural. This is partially a hangover from my earlier, more feminist days - feeling like my pussy is a natural place and I dont want to get cultural beauty expectations on it, partly because Im used to it, and partly practical - when I have trimmed it with scissors, the cut hairs are rough and stubbly. When I have shaved it, the itching is yucky. As for waxing I've done it to my eyebrows- yuck! - and I'm not that interested in traumatizing that sensitive skin that way. My bush is quite attractive and nicely shaped, far from unkept or scary as some other letter writers have suggested and while I have and would trim it for the right person, I usually make the guy I'm dating lightly trim it for me himself if thats what he's into...
What with wearing makeup deoderant, pedicures, manicures, self tanning, plucking eyebrows, shaving legs and pits, dying and cutting hair,whitening teeth, high heels, working out, etc I do many many many things to make my body culturally acceptable and attractive to men- and again Im LOW maintenance compared to my fellow NYC/ LA pals.
I feel like my pussy is a much needed sancutuary from all that, something private for me and the lucky people who get to join me there, and I dont like the idea of that skin being subjected to waxing, shaving, etc.
Usually the guys I date do some light trimming, and Ill do some sometimes when I have a boyfriend, but it's never been an issue for oral sex, etc. Ive never had it be a sexiness issue in bed, quite the contrary men tell me they find it hot, maybe because I feel hot and confident in bed.
Whatever people want to do is fine, of course, and
I do see the sexiness of it in theory- like the very fact that the skin is colonized could be dirty/sexy - but the idea that absolutely no part of our bodies will be untouched by cultural expectations makes me sad. With mainstream
' sexy' meaning nose jobs, bob jobs, fake tans fake blonde hair,anorexia, crappy tattoos and tanning beds its pretty horrible to see the commodification of women's bodies spread that far ( or is it that low?)
I have a pal who's a rock musician and has been slutting around the world for the last 15 years- he says its been years since he's seen an untrimmed pussy. He says, and I agree that its the influence of porn,which FYI started with men removing thier hair so thier dicks would look bigger... Porn has brought us more willigness to do oral and anal and be more experimentalm which is great too in a way, but here is a drawback, the normalization of an unnaural and unrealsitsic beauty standard. Well, we live in patriarchy right? So why would we be surprised that the pussy has been colonized in the name of sexiness?
ANYWAYS thats a longwinded way to say that do what you want and let you pussy run free, baby. And if you meet a guy who is great and wants you to trim, make him do it for you. It's fun...