Letters to the Editor
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As far younger men and sex goes
I think their lack of "presence" could just as easily be explained by the fact that they just aren't "good at it," yet. I think it's a bit of a leap to blame it all on porn.
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Honestly..
You people are drips.
"[x] wants me to [y], but I don't want to" is possibly the least interesting prompt I can fathom, yet this one yields a bajillion responses because OMG IT'S ABOUT PUSSY.
For perspective, yesterday's re: the nature of self got a few dozen replies.
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Fur or no fur
Hello –
Similar to "My Cats Don't Mind Fur," I am a 41-year-old single woman -- and have contended with the recent sea change in attitudes toward public hair. After a long deep freeze, I returned to the worlds of dating and sex a few years ago, I was floored when I grasped how non-private this matter had become, and how a uniform collective sensibility seemed to have formed about the bare look. I, too, felt a deep resistance to looking childlike…and to devoting effort toward this end. Quickly, though, I realized the practical advantages of trimming my considerable bush – less itch, better hygiene, and more sensation. I purchased an electric clipper, and it has served me nicely. In fact, the inimitable Jenna Jameson markets a bikini trimmer that allows for various topiary options!
More recently, I have developed an aesthetic appreciation for what the bare look makes visible. I have waded into the world of waxing, and while I am not certain whether I will stay that course I do feel as though new doors of perception and sensation have opened for me.
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Pussies and Penises: An Important Difference
I don't think there's anything wrong, in and of itself, with a man telling a woman what turns him on (and vice versa), including shaving various parts of the body. But this must always be done at the right time, and with care and sensitivity. The LW and many female posters have commented on how they felt they looked like babies or little girls when they were shaved. I think maybe men aren't in a position to truly appreciate this fact. A grown man's penis would never be mistaken for that of a little boy, regardless of how much hair he has. A woman's vagina, on the other hand, changes mostly on the inside. All we, as women, can see is that dark curly tuft of hair on top. For us, that was the primary change in that area when we became women. It can feel very startling (and infantilizing) to look down and see a vagina that looks just like it did when you were 11 years old.
After we'd been together for a while, my boyfriend (now husband) told me how sexy he thought the shaved look was. I'd never shaved my pubic area, but I was willing to give it a try. I hated it. It was painful and itchy when it was shaved and as it was starting to grow back, and she looked so naked and defenseless down there-- like a little girl. I hated everything about it. I told my husband how I felt and he understood-- he didn't want me to do something that didn't feel good to me. I would hope that this wouldn't be a deal-breaker for most people, and that men could find a way to be sensitive to women who aren't comfortable with the shaved look.
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My Theory
My guess is that Cary put this topic out here so as to avoid making editor's choices on such a relatively pointless and genuinely private topic. I could be wrong, but that's what I would do. Essentially, he would get a day off to deal with more pressing matters. I find Cary's use of the word 'pussy' appropriate in context. 'Yoni' has yet to really catch on. I'd love to hear alternative terms acceptable to the offended parties.
Although, like another commentator I do find the prevalence of such a topic in the LW's dating notable. Maybe some mystery and attenuation of courting is in order. From a historical and geographical standpoint, shaving is a reflection of culture. In medieval India, a famously sexual culture, married women shaved and the full bush was the mark of nun or the prostitute/courtesan.
Anyway, the hygiene thing is a moot point. The benefits of both are variable. If one intends to shave both self and partner, electric is the way to go unles there is a risky shaving fetish in play. Razor shaving increases in the skin to skin transmission of HPV(genital warts). The virus lurks in some 90% of the population -- but it seems to be more 'active' as the preference for smoothness increases.
It is so interesting to see what matters to the masses today(at 21 pages of letters and counting), and what they have to say about it. As a culture we are porny and pedophilic? One's crotch grooming apparently merits more commentary than the search for self. Such are the joys of Emptiness, or is that vacuity?
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Duh, its practical
I don't have enough patience to read all the other posts to see if anyone has mentioned this yet, but if a woman grooms 'down there', then oral sex is in general easier for the giving party. Who would say no to that?
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Mostly, it is
fat chicks and unattractive women who complain about shaving and are the ones who don't have the best personal hygiene.
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MANBUSH
ok, a little offtopic, but I wish guys would stop shaving, both their pubes and the rest of their body hair. It feels like I'm fucking astroturf when it's growing back and besides it looks stupid.
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Wax, don't shave
GO get a brazilian wax. All the hair will come off. You'll enjoy sex that much more. And once you do it and realize how nice it is you'll never NOT do it again, whether you're dating someone or not.
I can't believe I just wrote what I wrote on salon.com but seriously, its true. Guys love it. Women love it. And you'll get very used to it and learn to love it too.
p.s Take two advils before the wax, it can hurt. but the pain subsides in seconds.
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