While my first impulse is to agree with Cary about Wanderlusty's wandering wife, on reflection, I feel that it was only half of what's needed.

Wanderlusty specified that during the years before their marriage, his wife talked about her desire to join the Peace Corps. While Wanderlusty might have gotten married to her under the assumption that they were settling down together, his wife might well have been assuming that, in marrying her, he knew she was probably going to run off and join the Peace Corps at some point. From the text we have here, it sounds like Wanderlusty may have even hinted that he'd be willing to go, too.

Now his wife is ready to go, she may be dismayed that he's not ready to pick up and go save the Third World with her. While my first response was indignation that someone would run off and abandon a new spouse after a year of marriage - don't you straight people value the institution? - this sounds like a case of things unspoken. It would be a shame if Wanderlusty didn't acknowledge this in talking to her about it.

One of the early Anonymouses wrote, “My spouse and I survived a long distance relationship. It wasn't easy, but the alternatives - letting go of each other or not being true to ourselves, were worse.”

I’m almost 40 and have found my someone relatively later in life -- and just after I decided to go to graduate school 3,000 miles from where we live.

I appreciate the plight of the LW and his wife, but moreover appreciate the words above, as they’re about all I’ve got to go on at the moment. If the LW and his wife agree that “letting go of each other or not being true to [them]selves” are worse than either possible result of the LW’s ultimatum, I think they -- and my sweetie and I -- have hope. Otherwise ... well, the alternatives are worse.

Peace Corps officially established:

March 1, 1961

Total number of Volunteers and trainees to date:

182,000

Total number of countries served:

138

Current number of Volunteers and Trainees:

7,810

Gender:

58% female, 42% male

MARITAL STATUS:

91% SINGLE, 9% married

People of Color:

16% of Peace Corps Volunteers

Age:

28 years old (average), 25 years old (median)

Volunteers over age 50:

6% (oldest Volunteer is 79)

Education:

96% have at least an undergraduate degree, 13% have graduate studies or degrees

I'm going through a break-up. With someone I have loved and still love and will always love. The break-up is absolutely gut-wrenching, even after 4 months. Part of me has died, as cliche as that sounds. And I know that I will never find this incredible connection again.

So how can everyone else - Cary and the posters and LW - be so blase about divorce? So pragmatic!

I truly don't understand the tone of these letters. . . I wish someone would explain.

Speaking for myself, it's not being blase' about anything. It's the nagging feeling that this young relationship is doomed and that practicality -- self preservation -- needs to take over for the LW.

Why? Dunno. Experience, maybe. That it sounds like situations I've heard before, most if not all of which end badly.

That may be why so many people suspect "another man" without any evidence. Something about it just doesn't FEEL right. Most people starting a life together are way into it -- they don't announce that they're going overseas for two years voluntarily.

It could be that the LW changed -- that having found a job he likes he doesn't want to go with her, even though the general idea might have been something they talked about before. Maybe he's changed and not her. But it doesn't matter.

Whatever the situation it doesn't feel right. Particularly given their youth.

These are feminists. They believe in the sanctity of the starter marriage.

If the rolls had been reversed (man wanting to run off to the corps) 90% of these letters would have been entitled “DUMP THE LOSER”

The military has trained counselors and systems to deal with just this. SOme people take advantage of it, and stay together. Otheres act like idiots, and get divorced. There's good stats on the effectiveness of intervention, communications, etc.

Long distance does not doom a relationship by itself. Selfishness and obstinateness, along with craziness, does. You don't have to be separated for those things to kill off a relationship. Perhaps these two got married without having the discussions over the future they should have, or his circumstance changed, and he assumed she understood that. You can't assume in a marriage. They can work this out, if they want to. I'm not sure this LW wants to.

Marriage involves give and take. SO many people these days seem unwilling to compromise, and so willing to frivilously give up on marriage. That's truly sad.

1. Never marry before the age of 35, ever.

2. If she leaves, get a divorce. Make it simple.

What the hell were you thinking anyway? Jesus.

I really hate stupid people. Peace Corps is awesome and I'm going to apply for it in about a year or two after I'm done with my degree. People like this are really sad...and this guy is being selfish...don't save the world, stay with me, I need you. I can't believe that he is actually trying to convince her to not go. It's such a wonderful and important opportunity and I really wish that more people would do it. I think the world might be a better place, or at least other countries might not hate us as much. It's not really about saving the world, but more about helping a group of people or a village and realizing that there is more to this world than working a 'good' job or going to the mall on your days off. There are people dying or killing themselves out there right now and children growing up with no education and don't have a chance. We have it so good in this country and to take 27 months off to help change that is a very small price. Part of life is doing your best to make life easier for as many people you can touch. When you get divorced, have your wife give me a call because you seem lucky as hell to have such a great person and you are going to throw that away out of selfishness...and I can't believe that the response took the his side (tsk tsk).