I've been sitting here skimming the letters thinking the exact same thing: There's a guy.

I know. I know. I don't know the situation, and it's not fair to make assumptions here. Still, I think there's an overseas guy. Maybe she hasn't been unfaithful in the strictest sense yet, but if I let my imagination run away with me only a very litle bit ... I bet this overseas guy is, in the immortal words of Billy Joel, "an angry young man," who is earnestly pushing the idea of noble work overseas.

Not that the Peace Corps isn't wonderful. In fact, I think it's amazing and a great experience for anyone who joins up.

But, and I sort of hate to say it, because I sound like I'm being prejudiced towards here because of her age but, but she's in her early twenties. She's overseas. She's probably impressionable and enthusiastic. And, I think there's a guy she's fallen for, who embodies all those adventurous things she wants to try.

She probably isn't even admitting to herself yet. She is telling herself that they are just friends.

However, I'm probably not helping the LW by saying this stuff, which is completely speculative.

To return to what we DO know: Well, the best thing I think would be counseling. A good counselor would, most likely, get to the bottom of it fairly quickly, one way or another. But, sadly, if there is a guy, most likely with all the stupid drama of it all, which she very well may enjoy. Ah, how quickly drama gets old when you get old.

They're mostly tradition and something to satisfy the parents. That is, unless you believe that some god upstairs writes the husband & wife's names in a book and seals them for eternity.

Sometimes marriages don't work out. To stay together because of some magic words spoken at a ceremony is dumb.

not Peace Corp. Sorry to be pedantic, but that drives me nuts.

I was in the Peace Corps 8 years ago, and knew several people who had significant others back home and once they returned, the connection just evaporated. They grew apart, this was true with family and friends, and more so with couples. Some couples picked up where they left off, but most were completely different people and split. I guess the problem was people didn't want to listen to the stories and vice versa. They were too in to their own life you could say.

Not a good idea to stay together, but if she goes just make sure to keep writing her and when she gets back listen, listen, keep listening to those stories. They need to be told. It is therapy for the counter culture shock.Once this is over, the returned PC can listen to other people and move forward. Are you willing? Not many are. I have seen it happen though and that is true love indeed.

It doesn't matter if there's a god up there or not, and regardless to whether LW and wife stay together or divorce, but if you're going to go through with publicly pledging yourself to another person, then you owe it to the relationship (and your own self-dignity, if you have any) to try and live up to those words and promises (provided one isn't a mental or physical threat to the other).

If there is anything that we all should learn from these two, it's that if you have a dream or desire or goal that you alone want to accomplish, then do it before you get tangled up in someone else's life or be sure to be upfront with that special someone before you make them sign on the dotted line. Divorce isn't just ripping up your marriage certificate. You need to spend a lot of time and money to divide your belongings, straighten out credit card accounts, find new places to live, mourn the end of your marriage, etc., ... and that's if it's a mutual, respectful breakup.

Sure, we all make mistakes. The problem for the LW is, she married him and was not upfront about what she wants out of the marriage. However, LW makes it sound like she doesn't want to end the marriage, even though she'll be away from him for two years. I think he feels like he's being used as a security blanket if things do not go the way she wants them to when she's overseas.

Oh, as for those who think there's another guy involved, I think you're onto something there.

My husband and I have been married for less than a year. And we are going into the Peace Corps together. I asked if he wanted to go with me and, because we share similar interests, he said yes. Had he said no I would still have considered going. I have seen a lot of misconceptions in these posts about what Peace Corps service means. It is not about throwing caution to the wind, living irresponsibly, avoiding taxes and bills, shirking job and career. It IS a job, and for many it is a step towards a career. And I don't know why people are suggesting that there is another man -- why can't a woman have a goal and a sense of adventure? Does there have to be a man goading her into it? Please.

I am uncomfortable with the way the wife has been sort of demonized in these comments. Maybe I am crazy but I just don't think two years is a big deal in the grand scheme of the rest of your life.

This gal is committed to a marriage...which means BOTH partners work for a common goal in life TOGETHER, not run off and pursue their "careers" for their own selfish reasons. The LW is already accepting of the fact that his spouse has to take long stints overseas for her career...how much more does he have to sacrifice for the good of the relationship?

You folks who think a marriage or long-distance relationship can last this long and this far apart are deluding yourselves. People who have been in relationships like to stay in relationships of one kind or another...to think this woman (or the husband, to be fair) is going to remain fidelious is naive at best...and dishonest about human nature at worst.

I won't go so far to say she has a man on the side, but the fact that even the LW wonders what else his spouse has not been truthful about leads me to believe that the seed of doubt has already been planted in this relationship...at this point, it doesn't matter if she sleeps with somebody else, the LW's faith in this marriage is already crushed.

What bothers me the most is that the spouse seems to not be taking this "seed of doubt" seriously enough...maybe that's just a lack of communication between the 2 of them (another problem I see in this relationship), I dunno. If my spouse said I had created that much doubt about something I wanted to do, I would bend over backwards to alleviate such concerns...even if it meant giving up a dream or goal in life, because my wife means so much more to me than some stupid notion of pursuing a "career," or living to regret NOT doing something in life. If this spouse cared that much about the relationship, she would have squashed this dumb-ass idea of her's within 5 minutes of mentioning it. The fact that she hasn't is really sad, because it means she's not committed to the marriage...not the kind of marriage the LW has in mind.

I guess that's why people should be married when they are 30 or older, huh?

So, to the LW, I say unto you...listen to Cary's advice, and be prepared to move on with your life if she doesn't see why joining the Peace Corps is a deal-breaker. As other posts have mentioned, if you don't put your foot down NOW, you are going to get walked on for the rest of your life until your spouse no longer cares about you any more. I've seen it happen.