I'm sorry to say this, but people who respond to Cary's article are usually crazy. Seriously, WTF, telling the LW he should go with his wife of less then a year to some place he never ever planned to go to because it would be an "adventure"??? What are you people talking about? This guy thought he was getting married, not signing up for some travel in the THIRD WORLD.

(PS: the only people who call places the "third world" anymore are those who pat themselves on the back for carring about others in nations that haven't developed to the point that they have organic vs. other food choices. Seriously, do people understand what the "third world" refers to, and how out-of-date that term is? And that the "third world" isn't praying every night for the undercover US State Dept. agents......I mean Peace Core vol. to help them out?)

The LW is honest, that he would have gone when he had a crappy job, but now he has a job he likes AND is good at. He is not being crazy asking that his wife stay with him and not go abroad. He's not even asking that, he's just asking she doesn't go away for two years in the secret foreign spying progra....I mean Peace Core. He is not selfish, she is not selfish. However, this might sound bad, but I have to say though she is being cruel to ask her (understanding) husband to accept it. Isn't marriage supposed to be a partnership? I don't get a sense the LW is saying "my way or the highway", he's hurt that she doesn't seem that focused on their togetherness. Maybe she will regret not doing the debriefing for the CIA....I mean PC, but as an equal partner, maybe she should have mentioned so before they, you know, made a sacred, life-long vow of being together.

The THIRD WORLD doesn't need the burden of answering for broken marriages. Once again, Cary knows what he is talking about.

Dear Letter Writer,

It's possible your wife wants to get in her overseas experience before having a child and making an even bigger commitment to a family you'd be making together. You might ask her if this is what is fueling her sense of urgency to go now. I think it's a legitimate concern, and also, unlike others who've responded, I think it's kind of cool that she still sees her world, and her marriage, as being big enough to contain opportunity.

The romantic in me thinks: wouldn't it be great it he allowed her to have her dream, and went with her in full support? And then two years later, when it comes time to decide where to locate next, they could pursue a place or situation that the husband desires?

Isn't marriage supposed to involve this sort of back-and-forth compromise? I have a friend whose husband is not too happy with their recent move to the Catskills, but they felt it would be better for the kids. I know a man who would prefer to live by the sea who makes do in New York City because that is what his wife wants. I have a friend who moved to Colorado because of her husband's job. It is far from opportunities in her line of work, but she is making the best of it.

This is what people do. They give a little. They give a lot. They make do. They learn from experiences they might not have chosen for themselves. Who is to say? Maybe your wife is opening a door to a whole range of life experiences that will change you profoundly. Maybe that is her purpose for you. It's a mystery, in the end, don't you think? This is a woman you chose to create a path with -- why can't it curve one way and then another?

I, too, like another responder here, was struck by this part of the letter:

"that makes me wonder what else she is not telling me, or if there are other profound desires that she is suppressing."

Yes, I am sure there are. And I think you must have some, too. These are what make us complicated, compelling human beings. People change over time. Profound desires you might shelve for a while suddenly are jostled by an elbow and fall on your head.

It's what makes marriage hard but also rewarding, I would think, if you can hang in for the long haul. My hope is the successful marriage is one where now and then you get to act on a dream. Doing it before the children come is as good a time as any, I think.

You said it yourself - you married young. And now it's come back to bite you in the ass. The fact that she's been thinking this even before you got married - and DIDN'T tell you? She purposely LIED about something HUGE - that's fucked up. I don't think you know who you married. She's a liar. This isn't about whether to get a dog or not, this is a huge life-changing thing she wants to do. Clearly she doesn't REALLY want to be married anymore.

Maybe you didn't get married too young, but she did. She was using you for security, to gain some confidence while she floundered about figuring out what she might want to do, maybe use you to gain some esteem and courage, and now she got what she wanted and doesn't need you any more. She's selfish.

You definitely shouldn't go. Why should you? You have no desire to (and I'm sure she knew that - was even counting on that). You'll just resent her. This is something that should have been on the table before you got married. If anything, you should be pissed. I think her wanting to go into the Peace Corps is a noble thing. I also think she is using it to "find herself", who she is, her place in the world, what she really wants - to escape. But that doesn't change the fact that she lied. Get the ring back and send her packing.

Frankly, I think that's what she really wants so she doesn't have to officially be the one who ended it. But make no mistake, she wants it ended.