I realize you have already received quite a bit of advice regarding your wife's desire to join the Peace Corps. First, to dispell some myths that were given to you.

1. Your wife CAN serve without you. She would be getting a rare exception as normally the only people allowed to serve without their spouses are older people. It is highly unlikely that she would be granted this exception as she is very young, as is your marriage.

2. Many couples come to the Peace Corps as newlyweds. I have been in country for a year and 4 of the 5 couples that came with us were young couples. One had been married only two months. All are still in the Peace Corps and all are still married.

3. What is this divorce business? If you have problems in your relationship then you have them in another country too. Interesting that the quoted rate of divorce for volunteers was 1 out of 2. Exactly the same for the quoted rate of divorce amongst Americans overall.

My husband and I are very happy in the Peace Corps. We don't have any more or less problems than before we joined. We do have much more time together and have met many young couples that have enriched our experience. Overall it must be a decision you both make together.

Wow, what an interesting letter-- I was a little disappointed in Cary's response. No ruminations on the meaning of marriage, or how an institution so fundamental to our culture could be flexible enough to encompass all our varied definitions?

My husband and I are also in our mid to late 20s, and have been together for 7 1/2 years (married for 1 1/2). Having met so early, there were certainly some trade-offs so far as independence. For example, I was strongly considering joining the Peace Corps after graduation. But my husband isn't a Peace Corps kind of guy, so as it became obvious that we were together for the long haul, I realized it wasn't going to happen. In a lot of ways, I feel lucky-- the two of us are incredibly close. We've grown up together in a lot of ways. No one knows me better, and there's virtually nothing I wouldn't tell him. Unlike other couples I know, who struggle to combine their individual lives, my husband and I have had to work hard to develop independent lives of our own in the context of our relationship.

LW, I think every marriage is different, and every couple makes implicit agreements that govern their interactions and their expectations of one another. You may never have said them out loud, but you know what they are, and you know when you feel they've been violated. It seems like you and your wife need to make those agreements explicit... discuss what you expect from each other, and from the marriage. Find a way that works for both of you, to nurture your relationship as a couple as well as your individual lives. From the way your letter is worded, it sounds like you're both open to this kind of discussion. Figure these things out now, because it's setting the tone for the rest of your relationship. And changing those patterns once they're established is extremely difficult.

I hope you find a solution that strengthens your relationship and also allows for individual growth and exploration. Best of luck to you.

The LW doesn't say enough to convince me that he's really considered the Peace Corps seriously. True, having a good job that you like is nice. However, you do not choose to join the Peace Corps because you are out of work or have a lousy job. The Peace Corps is not employment (or a substitute for it).

Early in our marriage, my wife and I considered joining. I was finishing up my M.S. and she her B.A. We spoke to the "recruiter" and found out that they do take married couples and try find them locations where both of their skills are utilized. We also had a chance to talk with lots of people who'd joined. Most of them enjoyed it. All of them said it had completely changed their lives and their outlook on the world.

A good job isn't as hard to find as you might think. If you found one once, you can find one again. On the other hand, joining the Peace Corps is only something most people can do when they are young and unencumbered by the material possessions, debts, and responsibilities that we accumulate during life.

My advice to follow the woman you love and have a great adventure while you are young enough to do so. Don't worry so much about how a marriage is supposed to work or what your life is supposed be like after you are married. Things never go as planned anyway! The stable job and home life will be there when you get back. Don't get old before your time. Don't choose your job over your wife.

The assumption implied by this letter is that what the LW has now, in terms of job and routine, is better than what he would have with his wife in the PC. The assumption cannot be proven valid before the fact if you subscribe to the belief, as I do, that we usually don’t know what’s in our own best interest. The thing we can’t imagine doing often proves to be the best thing for us. Conversely, the thing we thought we most wanted proves the thing we would rather have done without. So the opposite assumption may also be valid, that as good as things are currently, joining the PC w/ the wife could be even better.

Also, what some are saying is the wife's 7-yr itch could also be her sense of the rightness of the timing. The couple has youthful energy, freedom from responsibility, and one of them has the will to go the PC route. There’s a lot to be said for this. These circumstances will not always be present.

If LW does decide to go, however, it’s probably best he not turn in his letter of resignation just yet. There’s not enough info in the letter to guess the wife’s response, but she will either be genuinely happy or she’ll become very stressed out at the thought of him joining her. If the latter is the case, joining the PC is the least of the LW's issues.