I, for one, am appalled by the majority of these letters. How is this woman being selfish by joining the Peace Corps?

I am leaving in September for my Peace Corps assignment, and my husband is supportive and proud. He served for a majority of our relationship in the US Army... he chose to leave me for that amount of time. Why is that acceptable, but this woman (or myself) joining the Peace Corps is not?

I would love to join the Peace Corps. However, I doubt my husband would feel the same and come with me. If my husband were to want to join the Peace Corps, military, or any other organization that would make a drastic move, I would want to come! If I wasn't allowed to come... I would be really disheartened if he was gone for years.

However, I KNOW my husband would not come with me if I decided to embark on such a mission. We have talked about it before. I don't have to think much about it because my husband would not even consider it.

Ah well..

Agree with most posters. Why on earth didn't she talk to her husband about her dreams before they got married?

One year out of college, I'm putting the final touches on my peacecorps application. But at the same time this hurts intensely because of my absolutely wonderful boyfriend at home.

I told him several times about my application, and that I'd likely be gone after a year, so he should keep that in mind when he makes his own job decisions. This whole letter makes me think that we should engage in more clear discussion, though.

Glad to read that people advise to get all the international service bug out of your system before settling down. I do want to settle down, raise a family, but I want to make absolutely sure that I've made a good stab at my dreams first.

Difficult when your friends have engaged to marry at 23...

but made easier when you see other friends pursue their grad school dreams no matter what.

By the way, is it possible to keep up relationships cross-country for two years? Or should you just cut things off as soon as possible?

Should you attempt to remain friends and write and visit, without the committment?

As someone else pointed out (but I didn't read until too late), Peace Corps will make rare exceptions to their married couple policy. For a newly-married couple, though, it would seem to be difficult to do.

It seems to me that the LW's wife forgot to read the Peace Corps guidelines for volunteers -- with married couples, both spouses must be accepted and join or neither are able to serve. Unless he is willing to make the commitment to be a volunteer, she won't be able to do so. And that's something she should have looked into before getting married if joining PC was her dream.

I'm a current PC volunteer and my wife joined with me. Although PC was her idea, she left after one year (we're in a difficult country to adjust to). She returned to the host country and we've been living here, me a volunteer and her doing other work in-country. Compromises can be reached.

There are many good alternatives to PC out there. PC can be overly bureaucratic and constrained by political relations between the US and the host country. She can probably find one of those ... because PC isn't an option for her unless the LW is willing to be a volunteer as well.

Why is it the wife's duty to sacrifice her dreams and goals for her husband's job? He clearly states that she asked him to go with her, it's not like she is choosing to part from him. He chooses not to go with her because he has a good job and is happy with it. That's great, but the fact is that marriage includes sacrifices and he does have the choice to be with his wife in Africa. He feels that she is "abandoning" him but it seems to me that he is doing the same thing by choosing his job over his wife's desire to join the Peace Corps. I can totally relate to this situation because, while I am not married, I have been in a very serious long-term relationship and have recently chosen to join the Peace Corps. I asked my boyfriend also if he wanted to join with me and, like this gentleman, he indicated that there are other things that he'd like to do instead, like work a good job and live elsewhere. However, unlike the man who posted this, my boyfriend realized that we both just have different desires right now and neither of us want, or should have to, sacrifice them. We are young and still able to do the things that we really want to. Therefore, my boyfriend fully supports my decision to pursue the Peace Corps and I fully support his decision to do the things that he'd like to do. While I realize that we don't have to deal with the legal aspects of marriage, I believe that this gentleman needs to stop blaming his wife for "abandoning" him and instead support her goals. If he does not want to be a part of them, that is not her fault, it is simply a difference in their dreams. And realistically, being in the mid-twenties, two years apart is not a huge amount of time compared to the amount of time he could be married. Perhaps his marriage could be saved if he spent more times planning ways to keep in touch and visit his wife while she do good in Africa rather than blame her for divorcing the relationship.

Counter to the response below:

So you're going to join the PC when you're done. That's good and noble of you. But you know what?

You don't have to join the Peace Corps to make a difference. There are other things you can do. What about donations to Red Cross? Salvation Army? Other organizations who make a difference? I wonder if Peace Corps accepts donations also. Wouldn't be suprised if they do.

But that's your choice to go. Don't be berating those of us who chose to stay behind and take care of our families, friends, community and so forth - whilst you're backpacking in Africa.

Good point made by a reader below. If the shoe was on the other foot(man leaves woman, as opposed to woman leaves man - with the same excuse about joining the PC)...hoo boy, would the guy be immediately torn a new one. Double-standard at it's finest. Admit it people.

Let's just make this very simple. Ask any aging grandfather around you, any man who's worked the good hard life. Any real man's man, who don't take crap from no one, not man nor woman, nor child. Ask him what he'd do if his newly wedded wife said she wants to go galavanting with the PC. What do you think these grizzled vets'll tell you?

Yep. I thought so too. If she loves you, she'll stick around. If she don't - don't shed a tear for her son - throw her out of the house and move on.