Letters to the Editor
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a queer feminist perspective
I'm a lesbian in my 20s, and when my straight friends announce they are getting married, I say "Congratulations!" -- but secretly, I can't help feeling sorry for myself. I feel sad because I know it's the end of our nights out together. Her husband will come before me for the rest of her life. And, I feel sad for myself because I haven't found True Love... and if I ever find love, I will never have the recognition that straight people get.
If your friends are like me, they secretly want what you have: They want love, they want a committed partnership, and they want to be accepted by society. Your happiness reminds them of their own loneliness -- the loneliness of singledom, or the loneliness of relationships that aren't recognized by mainstream society.
So in short, I think you should suck it up -- because you're the one in the privileged position. You're in love, you're happy, and you're getting all the benefits of heterosexual marriage. If your friends need to deal with your marriage by making snide comments -- well, that's unfortunate, but that's how they're choosing to deal with it. Don't take it personally. And most of all, don't demand that they act "happy for you" when they haven't found happiness themselves.