Letters to the Editor
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Who are all these people?
Yes, I kind of understand where the LW is coming from.
As an upper-lower-middle class, professional, middle-aged, European-American, heterometrosexual with a high-school/college/graduate school education who is desperately in love with a black Hispanic sex worker whose education was received "en la calle", I think that the biggest problem with this type of column is that it cannot possibly encompass the type of racial, ethic, generational diversity that Salon's readership surely encompasses.
We readers (and letter writers) therefore have an inevitable tendency to interpret what we read in terms of the type of people who are familiar to us, even though they may well be more different from us than we can ever imagine. This leads to a certain amount of grumpiness when other people fail to recognize what was obvious to us twenty years ago, so we think that they are retards, when actually they are just young, not dumb.
Still, there is nothing like an exchange of ideas.
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At Last
I actually finally wrote a letter about these LWs in the last lot of letters - pleading with those who just hate the column/participants/Cary/letterwriters to go elsewhere. Some people just can't handle free will I guess and so it oppresses them that this forum exists. The thing is, of all the hateful horrible things out there in the world and here on the web this would surely have to be pretty mild - by ANYONE's standards. If you hate lefty liberal knee jerk liberalism there must be better forums for that than this one. If you simply hate people there are better forums for that elsewhere also. For the life of me I don't know why people spout their vitriol - EVERY SINGLE TIME - about how crummy this all is.
For my part: I look forward to reading the problem and Cary's response every day. I usually respond too. I really enjoy thinking it over and then crafting my response. I really enjoy reading other poeple's THOUGHTFUL responses and I usually manage to glide right over those of the variety described above. I would love to be in Cary's position - an agony aunt to such articulate interesting people - and seeing as I'm not this is the next best thing.
The one time I wrote a horrible response that I regretted almost instantly was when i was having a particularly hard time and the LW's letter of that day hit on it in an indirect manner. At the time i didn't realise what was feeding my response, but looking back it's obvious to me what the connection was.
I'd like to suggest an apology and retraction thread for instances like those - when you write in haste and repent at leisure. In my 'real' life I know better than to put harsh thoughts into writing where they last forever.
It would be so great if the hate filled outraged letter writers would go elsewhere and leave the rest of us to savour this sharing of the hard things in life and our wisdom in response.
Amen.
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the letters are revealing...
I enjoy the "Since You Asked" column, although I don't always agree with Cary. And I hope I've never been one of those letter writers who makes most of us cringe.
What "those" people write reveals a lot more about them and their own problems than anything related to Cary, the LWs, or most of the rest of us. A lot of them, well, I am just happy that I am not running into anyone so bitter and angry in my day-to-day life, or if I do, that our encounters are brief and I can shrug my shoulders and say, "wow, what got up his/her butt?" and go on...
Several times, in SYA and other Salon letters, I have posted something along the lines of, "Gee, what is with all the MEAN people?"
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A Little Compassion
I think Cary has great insight, and often gives truly helpful answers to writers with nightmarish problems I'm thankful I've never had to deal with. He also gives honest and helpful responses to writers who at first appear to be naive, arrogant, whiney, or just plain stupid. What I love about Cary's column is that he treats every single writer with respect and compassion. He doesn't excuse bad behavior, but he understands that each writer is, from his or her own perspective, truly suffering. In responding to them, he gives back their dignity as a human being. That's a very powerful act-- it makes me see the letter writer and his/her predicament in a new way. It makes me think about what my problems might sound like to someone in a different situation, or someone who did not live in my society, or who did not know my family background...
It's almost impossible to truly understand life from another person's perspective. But the first step is to approach their stated views with compassion and an open mind. The letters, which are often judgemental and sometimes just plain cruel, do frequently run counter to the spirit of Cary's column as I see it. To me, that's sad-- I wish that we as readers could approach each letter with a little more compassion. As Kurt Vonnegut's son said to him, "Dad, we're just here to help each other get through this thing, whatever it is."
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Don't h8 tha playa, h8 tha game
...um, izzle.
(someone had to say it)
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Fair game?
I know that some of my posts will have upset columnists whose articles I have judged critically- though not I think connected to this particular column.
I think everyone on the internet experiences this. It's easy to give offense and easy to take offense. I've recently called people who see dark conspiracies in the 9-11 attacks 'idiots'. Also, I've recently been called a sanctimonious liar by other posters in connection to two articles on slapping.
I'm not sure whether I feel much remorse for offending opinion columnists. They're free to give any opinion and I'm free to disagree with them. It's a big bad world- and if they can't stand a little criticism then they're probably in the wrong career- or at the very least shouldn't be posting in the rough waters of Salon.
I did call one opinion writer a coward. Maybe she never read my letter. In any case, I'm sure she's used her power to call people she disagrees with much worse things in print.
As for attacking the LW in Carey's column. That's a tough one. Though I've never done it- I think it's still fair game. The LW should know that their letter will be debated vigorously by Salon's posters- so it shouldn't be a surprise. They're not forced to read the comments. Even so- maybe letters in response to Carey's column could have some basic moderation to remove any remarks which are judged to be too offensive- or trolling.
Oh- and it's also a bit of a cheap shot for Carey to imply that people who disagree with him have 'issues' themselves. Maybe Carey's a particularly bad writer and lousy at giving advice. I don't know whether that's true or not- but it's one possibility.