Nope, you know you wouldn't, because you're more knowledgeable about the impact of alcoholism, etc.

The compulsive hoarding type of OCD is a disease, an incurable disease, just like alcoholism, that can, at best, be managed and lived with, but never cured.

No one is saying the LW shouldn't have compassion for his wife, but your advice to him should be EXACTLY THE SAME as if he were married to an alcoholic who was endangering his child, or preventing him from having a normal healthy childhood.

Would you tell him the same?

I don't think so.

The man has brought a child into this world, and the child is living in an unhealthy firetrap, (all those old papers and such also breed dust mites and mold, insect infestations, and encourage allergies). If Child Protective Services would walk in and say "This is an unsafe environment for a child" then the father needs to take action now, get the child out of that situation, put in him where he can live in a healthy environment where he can have a normal life (bed to sleep in, clean clothes, place to play, safe, etc.)

He and the son need to have compassion for the mother's illness, and do whatever they can to encourage her to get the treatment that may help her come to a point where she can live with this disease without endangering herself and others.

But until that time, he needs to get the kid out of there.

I like the idea of getting a place for the LW and son to live close by, so that Mom can try to get her act together...

But if Dad isn't willing to grow a pair and take action to protect his son, then I don't blame his parents. Because if their son was letting his wife drive their grandson around drunk, they'd call CPS, and who would blame them, right? How is this different? He's either going to be part of the problem by continuing to enable her, or he's going to be part of the solution for his son...

LW should find a nice place down the block. Close enough so his son can visit his mother whenever he wants. After LW's household is set up the boy can at least have friends over to his Dad's house. And LW would most likely get custody of his son after his regular, ordered house is compared to his wife's place. The wife attacked LW when he was down and berated him. That's just a no pass. She really sounds as though she doesn't give a damn about anyone but herself. Give the kid an alternative to living in a junk heap.

This woman most likely does have OCD: one recognized form is hoarding. In fact, some psychiatrists consider hoarding the most disabling form of compulsion because unlike most compulsions in which the person engages in an act, hoarding involves NOT performing an act, making it difficult to manage. Hoarding is less collecting than it is inability to discard. It's different from addiction. An addict finds his or her substance or whatever appealing, with a sort of siren call. A hoarder, as many have pointed out, is overcome with anxiety at throwing anything away.

Throwing everything out behind her back might make you feel better but she's just going to keep on hoarding and the same pattern will go on, plus you'll never get her to turn your back on you again.

Anyone remember the woman who died a few months ago in her home filled with hoarded objects because some fell on her and she suffocated? The police had to walk on the "stuff" and their heads touched the ceiling. They searched for her several times before finding her body. So this can be pretty serious. Even if she has "paths" now, those might disappear eventually.

I would suggest finding this woman a therapist that specializes in OCD. If she resists, that's when to threaten to leave and take the kid. The fact that someone is mentally ill doesn't automatically resolve him or her of responsibilities, including the responsibility to address the illness if it is harming others.

My father is a horder. I grew up profoundly embarrassed of his home (I lived with my mom). It’s always so dusty and musty at my dad’s place that it gives me a headache to be there and I never trust anything that comes out of his kitchen. If you asked my father about it he would just say he’s messy and it’s not a big deal at all. In fact after 30 years of this kind of behavior his house is literally crumbling in around him and he’s very much alone. It’s really very sad. Recently he’s started making baby steps in cleaning the place up – but I think it’s going to take another 30 years at the rate he’s going.

Hording really will suck all the life out of a home. A simple childhood pleasure like putting up a Christmas tree, baking a tray of brownies or inviting a friend over for a sleep-over is impossible and depressing. It’s depressing for adults too. I wonder if it wasn’t the state of the home the depressed the LW in the first place.

If I were in the LW’s situation I’d take some photos of the house (just in case things go badly) and then I’d find a nearby apartment for myself and my child. It’s time for a trial separation. If the wife cleans up her act, or at least starts moving in the right direction, then you can talk about moving back in or letting her (sans most of her junk) move in with you.

sorry, just don't have time right now to read through more than the first page or so of posts, but wanted to offer some food for thought. my husband has ADD and hoarding is a very common trait associated with folks who have ADD. perhaps being treated for depression didn't work because that wasn't the wife's issue--she could possibly have ADD, and would need to get the appropriate treatment (therapy and meds, ideally).

my husband is addressing his ADD with treatment, and although treatment is not a "cure" for a tendency to hoard (i should note, however, that his hoarding was nowhere near the severity described by the LW), it helps tremendously. with treatment, he is able to focus enough to go through his boxes and piles and weed things out. things have gotten much, much better in our household over time with this.

all that aside, the situation with the LW sounds so severe that he would do well to bring in outside resources to begin hauling out the crap and start getting organized, whether the wife agrees to this or not. he can't continue to be held hostage to the wife's problem--particularly as she chooses not to get treatment or cooperate in finding solutuions. it's the LW's house, too--as well as his son's--and he has the right to live in a safe, habitable environment.