Oh, hoarder.

Never mind.

This sounds like a terrible situation to be in. I have known a couple of compulsive hoarders who were unable to throw things away without a total meltdown. My advice is for the LW to get theraputic help and to as far as possible let the child know the mother has an illness/condition and that her behaviour is not normal at present.

I'm just wondering if there has been any research into this condition. Has it always been around throughout human history and in diverse cultures or is it purely a condition associated with modern industrialised societies. Is it a consumer society condition? What about the "cat ladies' is that the same thing or is that something else entirly?

David Edler

Animal hoarding is believed, at least to those who've studied it, as a form of hoarding or very similar to hoarding. Everyone thinks of the cat ladies (a guy working on our heating system told us he'd found a possum skeleton stuck somehow in the blower of such a woman's heating system...when I asked how it could have remained so long without the woman realizing it, he shrugged and said "she had a LOT of cats") but a guy near us has been charged with animal cruelty for hoarding horses! I think it might be more like other forms of OCD because the person must be going out and getting those animals, whereas typical hoarding tends to be more about not letting go of things most people have at some point.

I don't know if hoarding has been throughout history, but it has been fairly recently in human history that we have had so much access to materials to hoard. I wonder if hoarding takes place in less developed countries.

She works as hard at accumulating as most people do at their jobs. She specifically hoards linens, mostly towels and bedding. She is horrified at the idea of using someone else's linens, so she would never use them, she just accumulates them. Every closet and storage area in her 4-bedroom home is stuffed with linens. Because her husband (who does all the cleaning) has managed to put the fear of the lord into her, she isn't allowed to pile things in the shared living areas of their home. He moved out of her bedroom a few years ago, so that room, her "sewing room," the 2 spare bedrooms, her bathroom and the laundry room have all turned into storage areas. At one point she filled up their 2-car garage, but her husband began throwing away anything she puts there, so that area has remained clear.

A few years ago, she began accumulating dogs and cats. When the neighbors complained about the dogs' barking, she turned to hoarding cats. At one time there were more than 70 cats in her home, but the local animal authorities arrested her and removed the cats from her home. Most of the cats were sick and many of them had to be euthanized. Her husband pulled up all of the carpeting and replaced it with tile because the cats' marking had made it into a reeking mess.

Animal hoarding is believed to have a 100% rate of recidivism, and it's my understanding she has resumed hoarding cats. She is being enabled by a neighbor and the owner of a local pet store. She has not allowed the neighbor in her home for many years and the pet store owner has never visited. Neither of them seems to understand the situation. She's very good at playing victim and they apparently believe animal services has unfairly targeted her.

Her mother and her brother both suffer from dementia and my opinion is that she does too. She has turned on all of her friends, and now she lives in isolation, with a sullen stroke survivor husband who doesn't understand what's going on.

My mother is a compulsive hoarder who is currently undergoing treatment. Progress, in terms of the state of the house, has been steady but slow. However, I think my family has benefited a great deal just from being open with each other and others about her condition. Now that my mom can articulate what she feels whenever she has to throw something away, I am less angry with her, and also with myself. I always blamed myself as a kid for not being able to do my chores well enough to ever relieve the mess. That burden has been lifted from me.

The stress of living in a household choked by clutter is all-encompassing. For a long time my dad misdirected his rage at my mom's behavior onto the mess surrounding us, which he constantly battled, while my mom was plagued by guilt at what her compulsions put us all through. These patterns are hard to change, but again, I think therapy has helped my mom and dad. They are not a victim and villain; most couples aren't. They have done the best they can, and for them, that has always meant doing things together.

I think my parents are pretty heroic. They have always remained devoted to each other and their kids. This is not the worst challenge they've faced together, but it is one of the most prolonged, and the fact that they are working to change now after so many years shows a lot of courage.

This is not to say that the Letter Writer should stay with his wife, or that his situation is not a pressing one. Maybe the most heroic thing he can do right now is rent a nearby apartment and move his son out. But no one should be forcing his wife into the role of villain, either. Her best may not be good enough right now, but she probably still loves her son. A loving family, even if they're not able to all live under the same roof, can survive a lot.

Prozac. Get a therapist who's also a psychiatrist so she can get the scrip for it. It's supposed to work for things like that.