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Saturday, Jul 4, 2009
Warren's thoughtful letter cuts to the core of the issue, although one could play a semantic game with his choice to NOT label the issue one of addiction whilst then noting that addictive behavior (substance abuse issues) crops up frequently with individuals sustaining this behavior. I would prefer to sidestep the issue as to whether this is a disease, disorder or addiction; I note the same dialogue rages full-bore in relation to alchoholism, and the resolution of that debate hardly hastens the specific solution to the individual abusing booze - or their family. That said, the woman in question clearly has a clutter problem combined with a series of other issues, including, obviously, a low self-esteem, so readily presented with her repeated attacks on her husband during his "down time".
This woman does need skilled therapeutic intervention by someone who knows what she is doing;a female therapist is warrented if only to "box" in the wife's obvious passive aggression about her issue. And - in addition to dealing with the modification of behavior, she clearly needs some therapeutic support for other elements of her life.
However, that's easy to say, this gentleman needs to say it. This is where the parallel between her behavior and the behavior of an alky or a druggie comes into play (regardless of "disorder" vs "addiction" vs "disease" discussion). It's time to define crisp, clear, tough boundaries, and then adhere to them. She either goes into appropriate therapy, or he walks, taking the kid with him. He needs to lay the groundwork very, very carefully, having located at least one acceptable therapist in advance, and also having prepared himself for the very real possibility that this woman will not adhere to an interventional plan. He needs, in other words, to 'lawyer up', in the process determining exactly what his choices are for the best course of action for him and their child.
After that groundwork is laid, he needs to define exactly how he feels and provide her with the two basic options - either she adheres to a course of remediative therapy, or he walks. By now, the middle ground has been beaten into a pulp, she has been a recidivist, and there is now probably precious little room for true dialogue; the "either/or" message may be the only way to get through to this woman that she has a choice between her child and her stacks of paper.
I would note that there is a "Clutters Anonymous" 12-step program out there; I have no idea what their network of groups might be. However, sitting in a room full of other folks with precisely the same issue is riviting, and removes her sense of uniqueness that she may attach to her behavior. And, I would note that, disorder or disease, rarely is there a simple single generating/causitive force; this woman needs to tease out all of the reasons why she does this. Some may be biochemical, some may be insecurity, some may be patterned behavior. Like any train wreck, which is what this woman has built for a life, there is rarely a single simple driving force.
And - kudos to this guy for pulling his life together and creating the semblance of a structured home life for their child. To do so in the face of his wife's general hostility is remarkable. Tough enough to make a go of it in general, tougher to rebuild your life when you're being attacked on the home front whilst down.
The media outlet's use of Bush euphemisms sparks a much-needed debate on journalistic standards.
The Wasilla soap opera just gets weirder as Palin complains critics are "picking apart a good point guard"
An inflexible right wing is allowing the Golden State to drown in debt. But it's not alone
And so are his Fox News pals, who lambasted Sen. Al Franken's "stolen election"
Thanks for sharing, Governor. Now please take a cue from Norm Coleman, and go away
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