I have never disagreed with you before.. but I know firsthand what happens when you make calls to get help for depression when you don't have insurance... and I can tell you that the places they put you are more depressing than just existing, which is hard enough to do when you feel like that.

I'm not sure what country you live in, cary, but healthcare is NOT readily available if you keep calling... they aren't going to send you to a counselor and get you on some meds, they will lock you up.. this is america.. not canada. and if you DO know of a place where people can go to get help like that, please share... there may be a few places in a few parts of the country.. but there is not a nationwide system in place for mental health issues, unless you are a danger to yourself or others.. and even then, it's less help than just being incarcerated so you can't hurt anyone.

The answer to this question just seems lazy, and unaware of the difficulty of healthcare. Shouldn't Cary have been the one to find at least a first step? At least some website?

Pretty worthless, not even any practical advice on how to go on day by day. I remember he used to member cognitive therapy, nothing even with that.

Cary's advice is excellent.

There MUST be a city or county health clinic or public hospital available to you. Go there. See an MD and request a prescription for an antidepressant. Zoloft has worked wonders for chronically depressed friends. Yes, it's $1 a day, but that's cheap for the relief it (or another SSRI) brings.

Once you are on more solid emotional ground, then you can proceed to understanding how you got where you are, and how not to be there from now on.

There is an organization in New York City (if the LW lives there) called Friends In Deed, where a friend of mine used to volunteer. They work with people who have HIV, care-givers, depressed people and those who have experienced trauma, major illness or death of a loved one. They have big group sessions and free therapy (for a limited time.) It is a wonderful place that has healed a lot of lives. If the LW doesn't live in NYC, perhaps there are similar organizations in other parts of the country. Ask a local hospital or the American Psychiatric Association. Many therapists charge on a sliding scale, depending on income, if the patient is uninsured. Also consider seeing a CSW, rather than a psychiatrist, and have your primary care physician prescribe any necessary medication. This worked well for a friend of mine who could not afford a psychiatrist. Good luck, LW.

Unfortunately, it is not as easy as that. I have health insurance through my husband's union, yet, at very low point a year or so ago, I called saying I was feeling very despondent and on the verge of suicidal. They patched me through to the "doctor" on call who was not sympathetic, who challenged me that I should just go to an ER and if I wasn't ready to injure myself right then and there I was NOT in a serious crisis. Then, he told me to look at a list that would be sent to me and take it from there. He could not recommend any of those people - who might specialize in my issues or have insight that would jive with my concerns. Several months later, I mentioned some of this, coupled with "empty nest" to my women's health professional (based at Yale New Haven Hospital) and even she said that she couldn't think of one good therapist dealing in these issues but if I wanted to send her my provider list, she'd take a look. After all that, it will be a long time before I reach out again - and one day, it may be too late.

I didn't have insurance. I picked a shrink, any shrink. Told her how much I could pay. She accepted it. That worked for a while. I stopped. Then realized I needed more than talk. By then, I had insurance, I didn't ask around for referrals or for comeone who specialized in my personal brand of pain. Once again, I picked a shrink, any shrink, and got put on Effexor. Changed my life. Really truly, 'not depressed for the first time in 30 years' changed my life.

LW seems to think because he has legit reasons to be in pain (death, loss) that he has no choice but to be in pain. That's not how it works. You do have a choice. Life will still have those losses but you'll be able to handle them without wanting to drive off an overpass.

Get help, get well. Now. Whatever it takes. Now.

What's wrong with the idea of joining a church (be it synagogue, catholic church, or whatever)? Cary doesn't mention it, but the letter writer seems to have identified something there. I'm not sure it's exactly Judaism, if co-suffering is the only reason for this choice (I don't think they'll think much of your suffering in comparision, and you'll be continuously reminded of the 6 million Jews...)

Having said that, pursue religion for its own sake AND for the sense of community. No, not all churches will give you this; you may have to shop around. Perhaps a smaller local Catholic church or synagogue will offer something for you. If a synagogue, you'll really need to get interested in the idea of Judaism, and not "use" them; conversion is a very big deal assuming you are not already ethnically Jewish, and they'll be suspicious (and rightly so) unless you're really committed to the idea of this religion itself. Find out a little about it before you go. There are different levels of committedness (Orthodox, Reformed, etc.), and it may not pay to dabble blindly.

You may be safer with a small Catholic church. Unlike with protestant churches, you know basically what you're in for-- the service is pretty identical no matter where you go-- and in my experience they're very accepting. (The Pope is not the Catholic church, though he may like to think so). And the ritual rhythm of the mass is soothing; there must be something to it, you get some aspect of this in Buddhism as well.

But look into both of these. Think local, think small. There you may find your community to lift you up; they may even be able to make some mental health professional connections for you as you get to know them. The confessional may help here too; it's good for the soul and they're trained to help.

Best of luck to you.