The thing that helped me most when I was growing up was the advice that my mom gave me concerning friendships. It isn't that she lectured me on her opinions, she just would say a little thing here or there that I would clue into. Something like, "well that doesn't seem like a good friend thing to do." Anyway, my point is that I think the LW should ask an adult who knows this girl for advice on what to do. Adults have had tons of years of practice in sizing people up. She doesn't necessarily have to take this adult's advice but it could help her. An adult who knows the girl might have a better ability than any of us to figure out if the "friend" is a manipulative brat or just troubled in need of support.

My next thought is that the LW needs to be careful. She could very well get burned by this girl. The girl has acted very mean in the past (breaking up another couple). I really don't know how to keep an ex-friend from slandering you behind your back. I've had it done to me a few times. I always tried to take the high ground and not stoop to their level but even that doesn't really help. If this girl decides to turn on you then she could get your other friends to diss you. Either by spreading lies or by enumerating any of your failings she has been privy to. How to stop that from happening? I wish I knew for sure. My way, not responding to the lies and rumors, didn't help. I think being honest to your other friends about why you no longer like the ex-friend is actually the best way to go. It may not feel right (i.e., talking behind her back) but in this case it is okay because it is to prevent all your friends from leaving you for the other girl. Hope that makes sense.

I think it's a little premature to brush off high school drama like some of the responders are doing here. I didn't make any lasting friendships during my miserable university years, and I'm very thankful for all the remarkable people I got to know growing up. My involvement in things like band in school helped a lot. Also, many of the people I knew during my childhood and adolescence still interact, in fact they/we never stopped, and the stories of our lives continue to intertwine and develop as we get older. Is that so rare?

Your response is odd, considering I have a wide circle of friends. Friendship is a two-way street. Both people give, both people get. When it gets to be a one-way street, it isn't a friendship anymore. I believe in kindness and generosity (and commitment: I'm a very loyal friend) but really hate the idea of a young kid—who doesn't know boundries or may not have developed the skills to evaluate a situation accurately—establishing a pattern where she might end up as victim for life. Every addict, manipulator, passive-agressive jerk, and con-artist could play her for all she's worth. Sadly, there are people like that out there. And they look for "good people" who just want to help.

I think Anonymous might have the best response. I just hate to see a good kid (which LW comes across as) misused. I don't even think it's the other girl's "fault," since she's probably in a lot of pain and acting from that place. She needs someone to stand by her, I'm just not sure it's the LW. But maybe it is.

You've got a good point. If LW can set boundries, I am not bothered by her offering a hand to a friend. I admire it.

Seriously, as the poet says, it's not the end of the world. The friend's behavior isn't "abusive," it's just immature. None of us come into the world knowing how to act around people. I know that when I was in high school, I wasn't able to put aside my pain over family problems and make nice at birthday parties. For better or worse, this is the kind of thing you learn with age. If this friend of LW's is still acting this way in her twneties, she's got real problems. Otherwise, LW is sweating the small stuff.

That said, giving the girl another shot would show a great deal of maturity and character on the LW's part. If you care about the girl, try to be an example of how to be a good friend. She may learn something.

Notice how this writer isn't selfish? She's acting out of concern for *someone else* instead of whining about her own perceived problems? She understands and empathises with another person? Amazing.

It sounds like she's moved on. She's treating you without respect. You're getting dissed. Maybe she has new friends who are more popular or you're bringing down her cool factor. Maybe someone she's trying to cozy up to doesnt think highly of you and she's decided to agree to get on that person's good side.

These are all minor, petty things. Let her go, and spend your time with a friend that respects you. High school friendships are fickle things, and people often trample them while jockeying for status and social position.

Anyways, hard to tell from the short letter, but that's my guess.

I agree with Cary that the LW should hang in there with her friend. It's obvious that the friend is going through a difficult time, and needs someone to be her rock. Why not her best friend since 7th grade?

That doesn't mean that the LW should take tons of abuse. But she should grant her friend a little leeway, put up her sh*t deflector and decide not to take anything too personally right now. This isn't about the LW.

I've been in a similar situation before. I told my friend something to the effect of, "I'm your friend, and dammit, if you think you're going to get rid of me that easy, you're wrong. There's a limit to how much of your crap I can take, but I'm not there yet. Now tell me, what the hell is really going on with you right now?"

Candor like that can be disarming. It shows your loyalty, but sets a boundary as well. Good luck!