Cary, I usually read your advice with a combination of awe and delight at your empathy, tolerance, sensitivity, and plain good sense. But your advice to the wife of an occasional pot smoker was astonishingly wrong-headed. Your advice is more appropriate to the user of a dangerous drug like metamphetamine, and not a beneficial medicinal herb like cannabis. Admittedly, recreational cannabis use is illegal, for reasons which are problematic in themselves. However, in many States, possession of small quantities is not a chargable offence. And, as a practical matter, being charged criminally for pot possession in small quantities for personal use is unlikely in most jurisdictions.

You refer to the husband as an "addict" - and to his behavior as "addictive behavior". Because he smokes a little pot on the weekend from time to time? Because it helps him quit smoking and relax and feel the love of his family in the comfort of his home? Would it be better, in your view, if he graced the family dinner table with cigarette smoke and alcohol consumption, reducing himself to a stinking slobbering drunk?

Science has demonstrated that cannabis is at worst habit-forming, and certainly not addictive. It's medicinal benefits are legion, and recognized in several States and in Canada with legally-sanctioned medicinal usage for a variety of complaints from MS to glaucoma to cancer to depression. That it continues to be illegal for recreational use in the face of overwhelming evidence of its benign nature encourages criminal activity and undermines respect for the law and its guardians. And your pandering to the neurotic fears of this poor man's wife by encouraging her to get help for his "addiction" is not only cruel, it is wrong.

You refer to yourself as an "addict". Perhaps the cannabis could help you with this problem. It has helped many alcoholics overcome their dangerous addiction and become happier, more productive, and better parents, spouses, and friends. Just because something is made illegal by the ignorant and cruel does not make it a bad thing.

You have the audience and the ability to change minds and change attitudes. You abused your fortunate position with the atrocious advice in this column.

I would be happy to discuss this further with you.

For obvious reasons, pseudonimously yours,

divadab

In between trips to the 7-11 for munchies and forgetting where they left off, of course.

Look, I have no respect for self-serving justification of something that is illegal for very sound reasons. Neither should the LW, no matter how much fun her hubby is to be around. What kind of parent, what kind of spouse, what kind of decent human being engages in the kind of behavior that affects their health, their relationships, their livelihood, their ability to remain out of jail?

There's nothing wrong with insisting he behave like an adult, in a legal manner. Nothing at all. Otherwise, you are simply an accessory. Imagine the children with 2 parents incercerated. Do I need to say more?

P.S.--All you morons who are going to flood this board with what a great crop hemp is, how bad alcohol is, and other boring diatribes about your rights can just save your breath. Only your fellow addicts buy that shit, pardon the pun. So attack me for my tone, cite your High Times sources, try and make us cry about medical marijuana and cancer patients...boo freaking hoo. At the bottom of all your bullshit is simply a self-serving desire to get high. No more, no less.

I hope this does evolve into a discussion of why pot is evil and Xanax (safe, effective, government-mandated Xanax) is not. I dunno what's threatening you, but your rant cracked me up. Do you deliver the same diatribe when people talk about alcohol or tobacco? What about Viagra? I'm always interested in people who are so anxious to impose their idea of a good life on everyone else. The same folks who burn books, castigate gays, rail against interracial marriage. And we hate most in others what we despise in ourselves - but I'm sure you knew that.

Peace, love, and whatever gets you through the day.

I am a person who smokes pot socially, and is not at all addicted. I go months without smoking up, and I don't miss it. I don't understand how anyone could crave it, or even how someone could develop enough of a "habit" to justify the financial cost of daily usage. So I'm very willing to believe those who say they are not addicted to pot.

But does that mean nobody is addicted? When people like Cary say they know they can't use pot casually, should we refuse to believe them? I don't think so. I think we should trust those who say they have a problem, just as the LW's husband once did.

Perhaps it's an issue of escapism -- He uses the drug to escape uncomfortable feelings, and he can't stop doing it because it has become a crutch, a way to cope -- not a full blown chemical craving like alcoholism, but a compulsive habit nonetheless.

It worries me that he knows his wife hates it, and still smokes at home. To me, this demonstrates that he doesn't have control.

LW, it sounds like you have a close connection with your husband -- and that you might be able to convince him to quit without losing your marriave. I have no idea how to do that, but others will no doubt have advice. Cary's suggestion is a good one -- meet others who have dealt with similar issues. They can advise you from experience.

Whether you think pot is addictive or not, whether you think it should be leagl or not, the bottom line is that LW's husband is behaving irresponsibly. He has to be responsible for his family and he should not be engaging in illegal behavior (that has already gotten both him and his innocent wife arrested!)

He is selfishly taking risks and doesn't seem to think that this could have an impact on his wife and children. Whether this is because of a physical addiction or because he is using it as an emotional crutch, he needs his wife's support to drop it. He is already concealing this behavior from his wife and if she doesn't address this I would imagine his usage (and thus exposure to risk) will increase- maybe he will start grwoing again? And remember, his actions have already gotten his wife a criminal record- from a self-preservation point of view she needs to nip it in the bud (so to speak)