You're a fucking idiot.

You can't control his behavior. You never could.

When will you start controlling yours?

When will you decide that you have to be your daughter's parent and intercede on her behalf?

When will you actually hire a lawyer and simply get what the law says you are entitled to?

This is not rocket science.

It would really be great if he...

I just want him to...

I expect him to be...

It infuriates me when he...

Clue: He's obviously not the person you have any hope of changing.

Jesus H. Christ!

Hello? Family Law?

Your little girl will be happy in the house you buy with the proceeds from the SF house. Months behind in child support, behind in mortgage payments? Get a lawyer, force the sale of the home, take the money and set you and your daughter up in a new place that he can visit. I've been there, it was ugly and caused many bad feelings when "sides" were taken, but you can't let this shitheel keep draining you. This is California, community property, get it appraised, get it sold. Maybe he'll pull his head out of his ass, after he moans for months to his friends and anyone who'll listen that you're mean to him. It might save his life. Buckle in, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Good luck!

Get a lawyer and find out your entitlements to both the house and to the child. Find out the ways you can make sure this idiot leaves the house.

Practise with your therapist to learn to so NO! to this sod

And move your daughter in with you until the dust has settled. If he's defaulting on school loans, then god knows what else he is skipping on.

You still have the fantasy that things are going to work out and that you're going to live in this house you've already given up.

Newsflash: This is as good as it gets.

Once you let go of that house psychologically you must make sure you are completely financially divorced from this slacker. For your sake I hope that mortgage is totally his. You must also not expect ANY financial help from him (although he mustn't know this) and budget accordingly. Anything you do get from him should go into a rainy day account, and under NO circumstances do you give even an inch in your demands, even if he doesn't meet them. Document, document, document everything. Make sure he gets copies of all your daughter's bills he is supposed to pay or share so there can be no question legally what is expected of him.

He ain't changing, baby, so you'd better.

I read this headline and I thought I must have written this letter in my sleep. I could write it wide awake but I've managed to live past it for now. To you who have no empathy I think you are missing a huge portion of what we need here. What I say to the writer, is pay them no attention.

I had a slacker husband, an ex, who wasn't even that good with my daughter. BUT, when he disappeared due to immaturity, refusing to be a grown up and due to his "seemingly fun" personality (the only difference) there was a hole in my daughter's heart and so after many years of not seeing him much or even at all, I realized I would put up with him part time and for her sake, also for mine, aka: I got more freedom.

The issue for me was always my daughter, her well being, and THAT THEY LOVED EACH OTHER. I cared less about the money. So Sue Me. I look back and believe I did the right thing--A DAD FOR SALE-- knowing he would never change but that they LOVED each other, something that my money could buy, so to speak.

Now, I had times when he was smoking dope that I just kicked him out. But once he cleaned up his act, even tho refusing to do real work, I followed my heart and not all the advice as below.

You have the freedom to do the same. I don't know how much money he costs you, mine was put on a pretty tight leash but he got free room and free board and I got lots of nights or days freed to do what I wanted. He could babysit.

A few years ago, he was back, and was working on a book, now about to be published by a big publisher and I thought, well, I would support other artists if I could, and occasionallydo, why not her dad? And then, it was time for her and he to both move out.

Like many college kids, she returned but as of yet, he did not. It never ends, that is true. For example, I am about to invite him up from a Caribbean hut to a big city for July and August bec. my child/ young adult/ almost 20 year old needs one parent and this here parent, myself, wants out for two months.

You see, what no one saw, but you might, is that this freedom we can get, I'm assuming your slacker loves yr kid and girls do love their dads, in general, is that this equation goes way beyond legal or conventional... I don't know what you might get that isn't about money but I need not to be home all the time. I need to work and travel. And that's where I get my payback... I hope you find some way that this works for you.

Full time single parenting is sometimes not heathy nor fun either. Great luck to you and Cary, you were hilarious. I think most of those adults who really are in summer are male parents, not us women. Parenting means a whole new algorithm, so no one gets too burnt? Parenting takes the teen right out of us women, mostly.

dat's it.

So, let a dope smoker sit for the kid when you want some time off.

Justify your selfish needs by wrapping your poor parenting skills in an "I support the Arts" misdirection ploy.

Explain to the child that deadbeat dad is "good enough" when you're tired of being a parent, too.

With any luck she'll grow up to marry someone just like dead old dad. And she'll have you to thank for it.