sex-ed and committees scream to me of unitarian universalist youth.

back in my UU adolescence we had an adult advisor with major boundary issues. despite little pep talks and other non-confrontational discussions things never got better, and eventually way too many boundaries were crossed (i'll leave that up to your imaginations). as a youth on the district youth-adult committee, i spent much time dealing with the fallout of this one adult woman's behavior. it's not really an appropriate role for a teenager.

looking back to it, i believe church adults really should have put the kibosh on this woman before things got so out of control. teenagers just don't have enough life experience to deal with misbehaving adults - especially those in authority positions. it will be difficult for them to draw boundaries too.

i suggest waiting until the current class is over, then approaching your religious education minister/director and finding out how he or she would like to handle the problem. i think most RE directors are trained to handle exactly this type of situation.

If you do talk to this teacher, I think you should emphasize the importance of answering the kids' questions each week. You could do this by suggesting before class that the questions are really important to the kids, reminding her to reserve enough time. Or, if you're in the classroom, perhaps you could point out, "Hey, it's about time for the questions." If she is forced to answer the questions, this will ensure that at least some of the class time is not spent on her sex life. (She might make the questions about her, but at least she's addressing their concerns.)

As for her boundary issues, that's more difficult. It sounds like she has an inappropriate desire for her students to see her as a sexual person -- it could be coming from a creepy place, or from an honest belief that if she talks to the students like peers, they will be more willing to take her seriously.

The most important thing is to watch the reaction of the students: If the students seem uncomfortable, her method is not working, and for their sake she should be reigned in. If her "inappropriate" disclosures prompt the students to be more honest about their own feelings, then maybe it's not so bad. You and the other teachers can represent adult/authority figures, while she fills a different role.

When I was a teenager, I had strong connections with adult mentors who treated me, perhaps inappropriately, like a peer. Those relationships helped me, because I was the type of kid who resented authority and hated being "taught" like a child. Getting to know them as friends allowed me to learn from them, and I became a more stable, productive person because of their example. But it worked because while these adults were candid with me, they weren't creepy. They never would have told me they had a fantasy about me, or about anyone my age.

Try to figure out how the students feel about her. If they think she's cool, it might be an okay situation. If she makes them uncomfortable, it's time to step in. And either way, make sure she gets to the questions -- it's so hard for kids to write them down, even anonymously. Make sure they are rewarded with respectful answers.

One of the great limitations of an advice column is that you only get one perspective on the situation, and you are forced to take the words of the letter-writer at face-value. My preliminary advice would be for the person seeking advice would be to reflect a bit on their own motivations for singling out their attention on this person. This suspicion may be misplaced, but just for a moment I might point out that the part about confiding in the other teacher that you "feel very close to" might be read as you going to a friend to have your opinion validated or to recruit an ally, rather than seek an objective opinion. Also, as far as the unanswered questions in the question box, cant you or someone else assert themselves ten minutes before you finish class to address them? There are three other teachers.

Now, having taken care of some of the caveats, it _does_ sound to me like this woman has boundary issues. As far as whether the comments embarrassed the students, you really have to be there to get an accurate read on the situation. It depends on the exact contents of what was said, the nature of the specific kids in question, the woman in question, and their mutual relationship.

Also, it should be mentioned that sex is a very touchy subject (heh heh) and when it comes to talking about it with other people's 13-year old children, a little discretion goes a long way. Most health educators Ive been in the presence of may joke about things a little, or tell a story or two, but they also seem to take exceptional care to make sure they establish some line of intimacy that doesn't get crossed.

So, basically, talk to all of the other teachers about your concerns with the question box, and tread lightly but talk directly to the woman in question. If she responds reasonably, problem solved (for the most part). If she is inclined to act up following a confrontation [in a way that adversely affects the teaching of the class, or the working relationship of the teaching group], the other teachers will have little choice but to address her. The committee should be an absolute last resort-- it would be embarrassing for her, and it seems unlikely as well that the desire of the group for consensus wouldn't be able to successfully moderate a disagreement.

if you can't take a joke, take a train

no one said it was a crime

The last few answers pretty much take the cake!

I don't know either why the LW isn't talking it over with people closer to home, rather than emailing a columnist. Perhaps she doesn't want to talk about it with people who would know who she's talking about, precisely out of respect for the other teacher, until she's figured out how to approach the question.

As it happens I agree that a getting the teachers together for an informal discussion/lunch where they talk about what teaching techniques work or don't work is a very good idea, and the kind of idea the LW was probably hoping to gather in this forum.

It is not a crime to run out of ideas yourself and hope to get a few from other sources. It is not a crime, either, to talk over a situation anonymously when it embarrasses you or when you're afraid it might embarrass someone else. Quite the contrary.

Note to WTFIYP: not naming the church doesn't prove that she's ashamed of it. It wasn't necessary information. The LW did us the favour of going straight to the problem with minimal extraneous data.