Site Presented By
Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
Thanks to whomever posted the OWL guidelines, which are much shorter and succincter than my letter, and yes, the senior minister should be involved, and most definitely the director of religious education. (Sorry--I thought that was obvious.)
Every church has conflicts of some kind, and in every denomination--Methodist, Baptist, or UU--you'll find churches that are themselves dysfunctional in one way or another. Personally, I've never been part of a Unitarian church that, whatever petty feuding might go on between certain members, didn't, as a whole, adhere to the guiding principles of the UUA and take them very seriously. The most important of these is seeing and respecting the dignity and worth inherent in every person, and it's not hard to see that this needs to be a priority for RE teachers.
The situation the LW described is probably pretty damn rare, all things considered, and it would be rarer still for the DRE not to act appropriately in response--the swift actions of our religions education minister would probably be very much the norm. After the incident, everything was absolutely fine. At the end of the year, the kids and their parents wrote us lovely notes--some of them thanking us for making them feel safe and giving them the confidence to talk about things that were sometimes hard to discuss. We knew all the parents very well, and they knew and trusted us--in fact, they usually came in and talked to us at the end of class. It was critical to us to have their trust and support.
That people get into teaching for the absolute wrong reasons happens everywhere, and I'm sure that for every flaky wacko found in a UU church, there are ten with equally freaky ideas teaching Sunday school in Christian congregations. It can be prevented. Instead of slamming the OWL curriculum, get involved--get on your RE or Sunday School committee, volunteer yourself to teach or help in the classroom, and above all, get to know your children's teachers as well as possible. And if a church is too screwed up for you to do this, then leave, but don't blame it on the denomination.
It was a relief to read your perspective.
The UU church has evolved and changed like many
others, and the OWL curriculum has, too.
I believe even some traditional churches have
had abuse issues, boundary issues. And it's very
true that "wrong" people are drawn to teaching in
many settings. (What is WITH these pop-ups that
block the view...)
First, I would face this
woman and tell her in plain English and with heat:
"The way you are talking to these children about
your sexual experience is completely inappropriate
and you must stop it IMMEDIATELY." If she failed
to button it then and there, then I'd go to the DRE,
the minister, the oversight committee, or all three.
I may be a UU, but I'm a mother tiger first. Anybody
who indulged their sexual fantasies in my presence
at children's expense would find my fangs extremely
close to their nose and hear growling that
would rattle their skulls.
We UUs have come a long way since our hippie days,
so give us a break. Individual bad experiences do
not a denomination damn.
It is a beloved community.
... and, you're right: it HAS come a long way since then. From my experience, it's now a bastion of nutcase Pagans, weird polyamorists, wounded fundie offspring, and all-around damaged folk. Our recent experience in a UU church was a far, far cry from the socially-conscious, grounded, boundaried, snatch-you-baldheaded-if-you-stepped-out-of-line moms and dads who marched at Selma and taught us all about world religions at Sunday School. You can have it.
I apologize. I don't mean to hijack this thread, but the whole non-confrontational thing in the face of realio trulio inappropriate behavior in a kid's RE class has me just fuming. Grow some balls, LW, and keep these kids SAFE.
Come join us some Sunday.
I've been UU for a loooong time (in 5 churches in
3 states) and none fit your scathing profile. There
are tree-huggers and Republicans and blue-haired
ladies and aging activists who marched at Selma and
ex-Methopresbycathojewbapchristerians who sought
a more expansive theology. And Sikhs.
And Christian UUs. We're all in it together.
You paint with a broad and tarry brush. Sorry you
haven't found anything good to say, but we grownups.
I value the diversity and tolerance and strong-
mindedness of my UU extended family.
There's always room in the pew (except we're
growing rapidly so you might have to get friendly).
But in practice?
Remember, 90% of the people are here because they were fucked up or fucked over by their previous religion. Let's just say many have quite a few serious "issues" that haven't been worked out. Now we find ourselves in a group that essentially says "anything goes" with a post-modernist twist: Gosh, who are we to say your "unique interpretations" are better than mine?
Look in the dictionary under "inertia." It says, "see any UU committee."
Visit our webpage and read. Skim the hymnal, especially the writings in the back. Excellent, respectful, thoughtful, and it actually works in practice when folks give it a chance. After 20 years and about 5 congregations, I find myself a better UU the farther I get from them on a Sunday morning or on any evening committee.
It's worth a try. Just don't expect a panacea, even if you're willing to volunteer all your time and money. Because there are a lot more freaks like the one LW has issues with than not. And they want to teach your kids.
"...there are a lot more freaks like the one LW has
issues with than not..."
After this I'll resist further defense. Anyone who's
been right-place, right-time with a church will have
warm strong feelings for that community. Anyone who
who had expectations that weren't met may move on or
become bitter. That's not unique to UUism.
Sorry your hopes were disappointed, but name-calling is
usually an indicator of unfinished business. I am
truly sorry it didn't work for you.
www.uua.org is a good place to read.
www.beliefnet.org has a good forum on UUs too.
Last word's yours...
Best wishes,
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Once seen as a lunatic fringe, reactionary anti-women groups are courting respectability
Salon headlines in your mailbox
