I just want to clarify, for the person who asked why such an important job should be turned over to a volunteer, that the OWL program includes parent training as well, with one of the goals being increasing communication and understanding between parent and child.

Okay, not literally. But I had no boundaries, primarily as a result of sexual abuse at the hands of a family friend (coincidentally, a UU -- and his wife the religious education director) when I was a 12-year-old Catholic girl.

This woman will not stop after being talked to. She can't stop.

You must protect the children.

They are being scarred, in large and small ways, by a course which is supposed to help them.

Find other teachers, and get her out of there.

By the way, I don't know if the LW is a UU, but I am.

I agree, this is probably a UU OWL program ...Gone Wild!

I applaud ANY church that promotes a reasonable, real-world sex educ. program...unforunately, they tend to be preaching to the choir...the kids that are allowed to take these classes normally don't need this kind of education nearly as much as those poor, sexually repressed children in more dogmatic religions.

Either way, this lady has gone way over the line, and Cary's advise is spot on...

Actually, I think what would happen is the teacher would stand up in front of the class, announce that she got the note and then harrangue them on why they shouldn't be embarassed by discussions of "normal and healthy sexuality."

I've had to deal with a lot of people like this and usually they only respond to a firm smackdown (verbal, of course) delivered by someone with the power and authority to enforce it. A note from the kids wouldn't be enough. I don't even think a discussion with another teacher would be enough. It will have to come from the higher ups, which is why I think the LW needs to kick the problem upstairs.

Basically the "get the other teachers together and carefully bring up the use of personal anecdotes" advice given makes good sense.

However, a less honest and direct approach might be to simply put some anonymous feedback into that "question box" to the effect that the personal information had made you, a "student," uncomfortable. That'd get the message home right quick, and some action would presumably follow. Certainly the teacher would be made to consider the whole "boundaries" thing she hasn't been all that conscious of before, that being the point.

My own conscience would prevent my faking a note, and the tone of our LW's question (as well as the church she belongs to) make me suspect that consciences are actively listened to there too... But it almost seems like it'd get results faster than the mature, diplomatic approach. Doesn't it?

This letter abruptly jerked me back to Sex Ed that I took in public school in grade 7.

Our math teacher, the diminutive Ms. Gibling also doubled up to teach us about sex. It was a perfect fit. She had 5 kids (in hindsight I think that she was Mormon) was firm yet soft-spoken and was usually munching on something healthy between sentences.

We also had the "too embarrassed to ask this in front of everyone else box". Many boys stuffed it with goofy questions that were meant to be humorous alongside the serious ones but Ms. G managed to keep a straight face and teach us something from each of them.

I guess that is my point. At that age most of us were squirming in our chairs during that class. We knew that we needed to know this stuff (funny urges and new hairy bits were becoming the norm) but at the same time I remember having a very real understanding that the ignorant bliss of childhood was passing and that the next big step was close at hand. It was a daunting prospect.

To this day Ms. Gibling is one of the few teachers that I remember from my foggy school years. Primarily because of the graceful candor that she employed when dealing with such a life-changing subject.

I think that the LW has good instincts to question the other teaching methods with the group. Impressionable and vulnerable young minds and bodies truly require it.

Wow. I can't believe the number of posters who are obsessed with identifying what church the LW is in. Isn't that kind of irrelevant, kind of?

This teacher is way out of line. It sounds to me like she is flirting. True, if it was a man teaching this way, they'd be painting some kind of letter (P for pervert comes to mind) on his chest. If my children were in this class and I knew about this, they'd be outta there ASAP. Sorry, just not appropriate, kind of gross. There are things I do not want to know about other people, even my friends, much less my 13 year old's teacher. Why do parents pawn off this job to some "volunteer" anyways? Do they think some run of the mill person will do a better job? Scary.

Bottom line: Get her out of there before she starts show and tell with one of her students!

One of the options the LW listed was going to the woman directly. Both Cary, and most of the posters seem to dismiss this. I agree the examples given are highly inappropriate; OTOH, given that she is talking about fantasies and experiences she had as a teenager (not with her boyfriend last week) I'd at least start with the idea that she thinks she's connecting, and give her an opportunity to see the light. I also like the idea of the group brainstorming on teaching techniques. Of course if those are dismissed, then further measures need to be taken.

If the course is Our Whole Lives (also used by the United Church of Christ) you can't teach it until you've gone through a three day training program, and I imagine that addresses the kind of sharing teachers should do (I don't know, because I haven't been able to schedule the training yet:-) and the teacher could also be reminded of that.