Site Presented By
Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
Actually, I think what would happen is the teacher would stand up in front of the class, announce that she got the note and then harrangue them on why they shouldn't be embarassed by discussions of "normal and healthy sexuality."
I've had to deal with a lot of people like this and usually they only respond to a firm smackdown (verbal, of course) delivered by someone with the power and authority to enforce it. A note from the kids wouldn't be enough. I don't even think a discussion with another teacher would be enough. It will have to come from the higher ups, which is why I think the LW needs to kick the problem upstairs.
I agree, this is probably a UU OWL program ...Gone Wild!
I applaud ANY church that promotes a reasonable, real-world sex educ. program...unforunately, they tend to be preaching to the choir...the kids that are allowed to take these classes normally don't need this kind of education nearly as much as those poor, sexually repressed children in more dogmatic religions.
Either way, this lady has gone way over the line, and Cary's advise is spot on...
Okay, not literally. But I had no boundaries, primarily as a result of sexual abuse at the hands of a family friend (coincidentally, a UU -- and his wife the religious education director) when I was a 12-year-old Catholic girl.
This woman will not stop after being talked to. She can't stop.
You must protect the children.
They are being scarred, in large and small ways, by a course which is supposed to help them.
Find other teachers, and get her out of there.
By the way, I don't know if the LW is a UU, but I am.
I just want to clarify, for the person who asked why such an important job should be turned over to a volunteer, that the OWL program includes parent training as well, with one of the goals being increasing communication and understanding between parent and child.
I agree with whoever said the boundary violator needs to be confronted and possibly asked to leave.
I had a boundary violating professor in grad school. He just HAD to tell the class whether or not his wife was giving him any that week. He never understood why students complained to the administration. The man was beyond having a clue about boundaries between teachers and students.
Some people just are, I guess. Those kinds of people should be kept away from teenagers, especially when it comes to sex education.
I think this much detail about an adult "teacher's" teen age fantasies would gross out the kids.
Most of us remember being young and how upsetting it was to imagine our respected adults in connection with sexual behavior.
Instead of building bridges, this woman is connecting sex and gross in the same sentence which is diametrically opposed to the aims of this class.
Time to remove this person from a position where she is talking inappropriately, and trying to be a teen, rather than an older mentor. It does not matter what church this, or how liberal the parents. She is not helping the kids to a healthy attitude towards sex.
I encourage What To Do to speak immediately to the minister and/or religious educator about these concerns. The safety of the youth is the paramount issue now.
Also, What To Do should feel free to contact denominational headquarters for guidelines and support with this situation.
-Concerned
This is exactly why we stopped going to the Unitarian church! It's the OWL (Our Whole Lives) curriculum this writer's talking about I'll bet. When I got a look at the wingnuts who would be teaching MY kid about sexuality, I decided that those right-wingers WERE right: there's not an "institution" in the world who can teach my kid better than I can. (Worry, not, dear readers, I'm a former Planned Parenthood phone counselor who's been talking about "sexuality" with my kid ever since we started gardening together and watching the birds and bunnies in our yard meet, pair up and procreate - that is to say, very naturally and age-appropriately.) Anyway, I came to realize that among any group of putative "sex ed teachers" who self-select to teach sex ed, there will be a fair number of nutcases who are attracted to the field for all the wrong reasons.
Letter Writer needs to take her concerns - and pronto - to the Religious Ed director AND the pastor of the church. This is the kind of "mandated reporting" that should NOT be withheld from the people who are ultimately responsible for what goes on in RE classes.
The short answer, from a former instructor in this curriculum: this woman should absolutely not be teaching adolescents about sex and should be removed from the classroom immediately.
The longer answer: I know what this instructor is talking about; I have taught in this program, and it's a very good program indeed, although it can be physically and mentally exhausting for teachers (which is why I'm not doing it right now). (The parents, in particular, are very grateful.) It's a curriculum that is taught in Unitarian-Universalist churches as well as many UCCs, and it stresses abstinence as the best protection against pregnancy and STDs, the importance of good relationships with partners and friends and the values that are important to those relationships, the reasons why teenage pregnancy is an extremely bad idea, and the message that the best sexual relationships--whatever one's orientation--are monogamous and committed.
Teachers have to spend a weekend in an intensive certification program where we learn to deliver different kinds of lessons and, most importantly, how to deal with off-the-wall questions. One of the most important things emphasized is that we must not allow our private sexual lives into classroom discussions and to keep everything absolutely theoretical. And that's not easy--some students, at least at first, will ask personal questions, and our usual answer is that these are not appropriate questions, that it's important to respect other people's privacy. That's what professionals--or, in our case, semi-professionals--do: keep a very firm boundary between our personal lives and our life in the classroom. And in teaching about sexuality, it's more important than ever.
Believe it or not, this did happen to our class, and I was starting to wonder whether it was the same person who was being described, except that the woman in question was in her forties. This woman was not a member of our church, but of another, smaller fellowship jointly partnering with ours to teach the classes, so we didn't know her personally. In breakout sessions during our training, she tended to be much more forthcoming with her sexual history than any of us--in fact, it was really inappropriate for us to discuss our sex lives at all. That she brought up hers so gratuitously rubbed me the wrong way, but I figured, hey, we're all adults here, and she probably knows better than to talk about her sex life in front of the kids.
But oh, how wrong we turned out to be. First class, during question box time, she started in talking about how she masturbated in the bathtub. I started to sense a serious level of discomfort, shifting around and so forth, on the part of the students, and quickly moved the discussion to a different topic. I talked to our director of religious education, who was overseeing the program, and, after a little investigating, this woman was immediately removed. If that seems draconian, it turned out that there were other problems of which we were unaware that I won't go into here that made her an extremely poor choice for a teacher.
The fact is that even if young adolescents are mature enough to come to terms with the fact that grownups around them have sex (and if the "Eeeeuwww! Yuk!" responses during our slide show was any indication, this is not the case with most of them) it's extremely unfair and inappropriate and even considered abusive to burden them with information about our sex lives. They don't need to know. That's all.
So, yes, the proper thing for the LW to do is to speak immediately to the oversight committee and get this woman out of the classroom. If the committee doesn't think there's anything wrong, the LW should contact her regional curriculum coordinator, who very likely trained the teachers at this church and can attest that the instructor in question is absolutely not behaving appropriately.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
219 Democrats and one Republican join in favor of the legislation, which passed by a narrow margin
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Salon headlines in your mailbox
