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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
Should I put my underwear on before my pants or after? Should I eat breakfast? What happens if I forget to breath? It sounds like a bunch of 13 year olds are running the class as well as teaching it. Grow up and speak to people like an adult. You shouldn't need an advice column to help you be a grown up.
It seems to me the focus should be on the kids rather than the social sensitivities of the adults involved in teaching the course. In my opinion, the teacher described is being persistently inappropriate and the fact she seems to privilege relating her own experiences over answering the children's queries indicates she is indeed using the class primarily as a sounding board.
Saying that, as another letter writer noted, this behaviour indicates she may herself be unstable and unable to discern the appropriate boundaries. Therefore I agree with those who suggested she should not be initially approached. I personally would try to come to a consensus (if possible) with the other teachers then take it to the next level of authority.
Cary is right in saying that if the parents hear of this teacher's problematic methods there is a risk of the class being shut down or otherwise curtailed--which would be the worst thing for the kids involved. The second worst thing would be to allow this woman's monologues to further unsettle teenagers who may already have their own insecurities around sex--insecurities which are not being addressed in her class.
Perhaps the problem is that the LW is trying to be so considerate of others opinions and so non-confrontational (how UU does that sound?) that she is not seeing how big a problem this can become. As soon as a parent hears about this woman's sexual fantasies, all hell's going to break lose. Even UU parents have their limits. If she can't talk to the other teacher directly, go straight to the committee. Don't let this one woman without boundaries ruin the whole program ('cuz I think OWL is a good program if it's done correctly).
One of the options the LW listed was going to the woman directly. Both Cary, and most of the posters seem to dismiss this. I agree the examples given are highly inappropriate; OTOH, given that she is talking about fantasies and experiences she had as a teenager (not with her boyfriend last week) I'd at least start with the idea that she thinks she's connecting, and give her an opportunity to see the light. I also like the idea of the group brainstorming on teaching techniques. Of course if those are dismissed, then further measures need to be taken.
If the course is Our Whole Lives (also used by the United Church of Christ) you can't teach it until you've gone through a three day training program, and I imagine that addresses the kind of sharing teachers should do (I don't know, because I haven't been able to schedule the training yet:-) and the teacher could also be reminded of that.
Wow. I can't believe the number of posters who are obsessed with identifying what church the LW is in. Isn't that kind of irrelevant, kind of?
This teacher is way out of line. It sounds to me like she is flirting. True, if it was a man teaching this way, they'd be painting some kind of letter (P for pervert comes to mind) on his chest. If my children were in this class and I knew about this, they'd be outta there ASAP. Sorry, just not appropriate, kind of gross. There are things I do not want to know about other people, even my friends, much less my 13 year old's teacher. Why do parents pawn off this job to some "volunteer" anyways? Do they think some run of the mill person will do a better job? Scary.
Bottom line: Get her out of there before she starts show and tell with one of her students!
This letter abruptly jerked me back to Sex Ed that I took in public school in grade 7.
Our math teacher, the diminutive Ms. Gibling also doubled up to teach us about sex. It was a perfect fit. She had 5 kids (in hindsight I think that she was Mormon) was firm yet soft-spoken and was usually munching on something healthy between sentences.
We also had the "too embarrassed to ask this in front of everyone else box". Many boys stuffed it with goofy questions that were meant to be humorous alongside the serious ones but Ms. G managed to keep a straight face and teach us something from each of them.
I guess that is my point. At that age most of us were squirming in our chairs during that class. We knew that we needed to know this stuff (funny urges and new hairy bits were becoming the norm) but at the same time I remember having a very real understanding that the ignorant bliss of childhood was passing and that the next big step was close at hand. It was a daunting prospect.
To this day Ms. Gibling is one of the few teachers that I remember from my foggy school years. Primarily because of the graceful candor that she employed when dealing with such a life-changing subject.
I think that the LW has good instincts to question the other teaching methods with the group. Impressionable and vulnerable young minds and bodies truly require it.
Basically the "get the other teachers together and carefully bring up the use of personal anecdotes" advice given makes good sense.
However, a less honest and direct approach might be to simply put some anonymous feedback into that "question box" to the effect that the personal information had made you, a "student," uncomfortable. That'd get the message home right quick, and some action would presumably follow. Certainly the teacher would be made to consider the whole "boundaries" thing she hasn't been all that conscious of before, that being the point.
My own conscience would prevent my faking a note, and the tone of our LW's question (as well as the church she belongs to) make me suspect that consciences are actively listened to there too... But it almost seems like it'd get results faster than the mature, diplomatic approach. Doesn't it?
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