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Read other letters about this article
I think Cary's response and many of these letters have missed the central issue of LW's problem. It's not about whether her husband still has feelings for his ex -- many people keep mementos of past relationships, and it sounds like he is only in sporadic touch with this "other woman." And it's not about the ex as some kind of she-demon who is hell-bent on destroying this marriage at any cost -- most likely she has her own life to worry about and is not overly concerned about her married ex-boyfriend.
The key issue is that LW has expressed to her husband that she is uncomfortable with the presence of the ex in their lives, and he has chosen to disregard her feelings. Not only do his actions exhibit a profound disrespect for his wife, but his "you can't tell me what to do!" attitude is disturbingly childish. When one spouse expresses her feelings and is met with "don't fence me in, don't try to change me," it doesn't bode well for the future of the relationship. I hope that LW will choose to address these more fundamental issues of respect and compromise rather than engaging in a battle over the ex-girlfriend that will only make her seem jealous and hysterical as well as distract from the core problem.
