Letters to the Editor
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I want to thank the letter writer
Until now I had no idea that people who work in offices had no minds and no souls.
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Take a leave of absence
One way for this woman to ease out of her job is to take try to arrange for a 3 month leave of absence. It will take one month just to detox. The second month will be neutral, and the third month can be spent planning her new life, so that at the end of the 3 months there will be no need to return to her old job.
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At least she has the option.
As a divorced male with an overwhelming amount of credit card debt (mostly due to the divorce and its repercussions) I find myself in the unenviable position of making more than I've made in quite some time, but bringing home next to nothing once things are said and done.
On top of that, I too live a nearly soul crushing existence in terms of dreading going to work. And my Master's and job are related to technology, which for the last few years I've become sick of. I'm lately wanting to be a bicycle mechanic or a forest ranger. I've been late nearly every single day, because I lie in bed wondering if I should just call in sick until they fire me. Between that and my lack of performance, at some point they just might. But then again, that would not sit well with Chase and Citi Card I don't think, so I suck it up and do my best to fake it.
At least the LW has a second income to fall back on while she decides what she is going to do with her life. If her husband is truly supportive, I say go for it. Because for quite a few of us, true bankruptcy would happen, and there goes being a first class citizen in the USA for at least 7 years.
So do it not only for yourself, but for those of us poor trapped souls who literally cannot get out.
--wage slave
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You go girl!
Last month I did exactly what you are contemplating. It's so scary and your mind fills with "what if's". "Can I do this", "Am I being selfish", "Can we make it without my paycheck". But I can report that I immediately felt relieved of the stress of a soul depleting job. I'm trying to position myself so that I can support my husband when it's his turn to reevaluate (he's 55 next year). Go with your husbands support, find something you can earn at, not big career money, but enough to help you family's quality of life. A small homebased business, perhaps. Give yourself a time frame to find something new, maybe a year or two and if you can't find something, there is always a job out there for an intelligent woman willing to work. BUT YOU WILL KICK YOURSELF IF YOU DON'T GO FOR IT. Your body and mind are telling you it's time for a change. Good luck
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please
check out The Pathfinder, by Nicholas Lore. A really excellent guide for helping you discover the career that fits you (check out all the rave reviews on Amazon). Kudos for choosing life and happiness, and for setting a bright example for your daughter to live by.
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To the poster who suggested admin work in academia...
"First of all, the staff in an academic environment, while not perfect, is a whole lot more nurturing and less back-stabbing than the corporate world. "
Ah, well, that would depend on the school and the department. Academic politics can turn very, very nasty indeed, because (as a wise friend once noted) there is so very little at stake.
Oh, and the Leave of Absence idea, if they'll go for it, is a great way to go.
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chutney and Nancy Ott are exactly right
It's exactly a question of dignity, dignity and risk. This woman is not lazy, whiney, or flighty--look at her letter. She's stayed in this crap job for so many years because she _wasn't_ lazy, whiney and flighty. She wanted to do her duty. And she did. It's just at the wrong job. Isn't it clear that if she stays at this soul-destroying job for so many years, she's obviously not lazy? It's a crap job.
Some people are so outraged that she would dare try to break free. "Back to work, you lazy cow!" "Quit whining and get back in your cube!" Doing your duty is usually not bad. Some, more reasonable, are advising thoughtful planning. Thoughtfulness is usually not bad. At this moment, though, she needs action. She needs to break free and she knows it. She's just never been allowed to do so yet. Don't listen to the "How Dare You Leave Your Task!" people. Listen to the "How Dare Your Job Imprison You!" people. And think, yes, but don't take long.
Risk. Risk means you might sacrifice. You might get hurt. When I've risked, I've been hurt. And I don't mean just in some airy-fairy, arty-farty, emotional way, either. I mean in the pocketbook. It's been a grind sometimes. But for someone who's not lazy or flighty, occasional risks are essential to their lives. I don't respect someone who never takes risks. The divorced guy is right: at least you have the choice. You have a daughter to look out for; well, you're not proposing to impoverish her. You're proposing a situation where she might get annoyed once or twice and say, "spaghetti _again?_" Horreur! My child got annoyed! Well at least she learned that Mom can show some guts once in a while.
If you were certain of not getting hurt, it wouldn't be a risk. I think the writers who have taken a risk would agree with me: they don't regret taking them, not for a single minute. Our risks have given us the greatest memories we'll ever have. There seems to be no decision to make. But then again, we're dangerous.
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And...
And it still seems ridiculous that there's even such a discussion about such a nothing job.
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Proactive Versus Reactive
If LW wants to quit, she has every right to. She's paid her dues.
However, when I suggest career counseling, it is not a stall tactic; neither is it some sort of substitute for quitting. It's about being in control, weighing your options, making an informed decision, being proactive versus merely reactive.
It's more a matter of moving towards something better, rather than simply moving away from something bad.