Letters to the Editor
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World evolution happens one person at a time
Moving in the direction of your personal evolution is not childish. It's what you are here to do!
What's childish is staying in an existence that no longer serves you while life passes you by, just because you saw on TV that this is how people are supposed to live. We assume that the cultural values of the media come from us, but think about it this way: *maybe* the kind of narrow life portrayed by the mass media is so counter to human life, to the human spirit, that it requires regular bombardment to prevent our souls from rising up in outrage!
Here, have a little support from Einstein: "Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocre minds. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."
Would you say Einstein was "childish" for pursuing his passion? Certainly, he could have tended to his family obligations better, but I don't think anyone would advocate him working in a cubicle!
And then, of course, the familiar argument "but I'm not Einstein." You don't need to be the next Einstein, all you need to do is figure out what your gifts and passions are, and then put them to use in service of the world.
Anyone who feels so emotionally charged about the situation that they feel the need to thwart you (a perfect stranger!) in your pursuit of a life that matters is simply trying to beat you into compliance so that they can feel their life choices (or apathy) are justified. They have issues. Don't listen.
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Stop! Don't do anything yet.
Death of a friend of relative is jarring, dislocating and frightening. One week is not nearly enough time to assimilate such feelings. You shouldn't take precipitous action in the immediate aftermath of a death; you could easily regret it later.
Finding a satisfying career/job is not something that happens overnight. Furthermore, you don't have to quit your current job to begin thinking about your next one. You need to have a plan and you need to have some reasoning behind your plan. Interested in a different subject? Take a course. Interested in a helping profession? Volunteer. Think things through carefully, over time (months) and get some experience to guide you.
Be honest with yourself. Is your job the only source of discontent, or is it possible that there are other issues you could explore and deal with that would improve your life? It is so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that one change will make everything right. That's almost never the case.
It is juvenile to quit your job to seek your bliss. It is not juvenile to evaluate your life and job and to obtain new knowledge and skills in an effort to find what makes you happy. Then, you can arrange for a new job before you quit your old one. Quitting your current job is not the first step in the process, it is the last step.
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Reflect, Then Quit
Before quitting your job, sit down and write a description of what your day would be like in an ideal job. What do you do? Who do you work with? I have spent my 20s leaving jobs because the they weren't "right" and wish that I would have spent more time reflecting on what I want before making the jump. Quitting with purpose is a lot more satisfying than leaving because you want out.
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Great Letter, great response...
We can all appreciate this LW and her situation - as well as her fear on going forward. And Cary gave the right answer - we only live once, now go enjoy and make the most of it: if only, if only, if only, I had the guts to follow his advice!
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Been there, done that. Haven't we all.
Reading these responses, I get the feeling that people generally feel it is OK to prostitute yourself to work, to accept abuse as long as you are getting paid and as long as others, especially your kids and husband, are benefiting.
It makes Carry’s advice seem refreshingly simple and sane.
I wonder if this is a reason there are so many toxic workplaces: they can get away with it.
I think there’s usually a psychological reason people stay at a job that is soul-crushing (and the money reason is used as an excuse). This writer probably needs to do some self-examination or better, have a trusted outsider, advise her. Her moment of illumination upon the death of her mother in law was a clear sign, but she needs a read map.
My highly-educated and talented linguist of a mother worked in underpaying secretarial jobs all her life; divorced at 50, she had to support herself and her kids. I recall the time she landed that much needed first full time job but, she quit after 3 days. I asked why. She replied that the owners were rude and didn’t treat her with respect. I remember thinking, “But, it’s a job and we need you to have one.” As it happens, her future employers were always the classiest of people. She didn’t care about the pay, so much, she wanted to be treated with respect.She worked until her 70's.
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Find a passion (job or otherwise) that is worthy of you
Two years ago, I quit work after 15 years to stay home with children and the transition was far more difficult that I expected. So much of my self-worth was wrapped up in my job. I decided to start my own business last year and am very happy now.
Life is definitely too short to be caught in a soul-destroying job. On the other hand, don't think that happiness will follow if you quit and do nothing. You need to find a cause, a passion, something to contribute or build, in order to feel that you are doing something meaningful in life (please don't think simply being a mother is enough - I have 4 kids and this society gives very little recognition to moms so that wasn't "enough" for me).
If money is not an issue, you probably have some wonderful skills that a non-profit organization would be thrilled to use. Seek out an organization with a mission that resonates with you.
Good luck, Catherine