Letters to the Editor
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Why on earth...
...would someone work as an administrative assistant if they've had a college degree for the last 20-odd years? That she ended up in this position, and doesn't know how to get out of it without, what, losing her paycheck in what is ALREADY an entry-level job, doesn't bode well.
I mean, I started as an assistant when I was fresh-faced and just getting my start in this industry. Three years later I was no longer rolling calls and getting coffee. Since when does NOT challanging yourself for upward mobility equal stability and tenacity?
It doesn't. It equals laziness and complacency. And deprivation of the soul. My god. 20 years as an executive assistant without trying for the next rung? I'd want to kill myself.
You take those jobs to learn something, and move up. Not to stay still. You're supposed to challange yourself, gun for something bigger, make yourself known. That's what makes it palatable. It's a means to a completely different end. It is not a destination. To think so would be akin to thinking Queens in winter is as much a vacation spot as Manhattan is in spring.
I've noticed the women who DO stay executive assistants for 20 years...career secretaries, fall into two camps: The first is the kind who are REALLY good at it, and are comfortable doing that for the rest of their lives. They are exceptionally compensated for it. Most of those women make more than I do, and bless their hearts, they deserve it. They're exemplary at their profession, and are integral to corporate success.
The second are like this woman. Backbiting, neurotic, unhappy, and completely unable to percieve what mistakes they made, or why they made them. And they talk a great deal about office politics being the source of their unhappiness. Mostly, I've noticed, these women are generally polarizing agents unto themselves. They're toxic to an office environment. And they completely missed the part where successful people don't come to work just to put in the time, and do the minimum. They see it as backstabbing. The rest of us see it as doing your best, and angling for the best position. I have little respect or patience for a career secretary who resents herself and others for her role in the office, having done NOTHING to move ahead, and not respecting that executives are not evil...they're ambitious. And they rely on their assistants to do well because they also expect their assistants to be trying to outshine the competition so THEY can move forward.
Goodness...is corporate structure THAT hard to understand? If you're at the bottom rung your best bet is to try to move up. Go for a lateral move, or a downward move, after 20 years of standing still and you've only proven that in 20 years you've learned nothing. And that is hardly the kind of person I'd want on my team.
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So judgmental!
I lost my mother recently. One of the last pieces of advice she shared with me was "Stop being so judgmental of others. Most people are doing the best they can."
That nugget of wisdom came to mind as I read the responses from today's LW's detractors. They know nothing about this woman apart from what she chose to reveal in her letter, yet they label her as lazy and whiny. They self-righteously accuse her of wanting to quit her soul-sucking job to sit home and watch TV.
I don't see that. I see a woman who is still reeling from the shock of unexpectedly losing someone she loved. I see a woman whose loss forced her to face the fact that half her life has passed with nothing to show for it, but is probably scared shitless at the thought of becoming completely financially dependent on her husband even with his blessing. She wants to quit her job to figure out what she wants to do with the rest of her life. Who among us hasn't had that same desire?
I'm jealous as hell of her opportunity. In her position I would have typed that resignation letter instead of asking Carey what she should do. But I can't judge her because I don't know her. I encourage her to follow her dream, whatever it may be. To her detractors I ask that although you may not agree with her, don't judge her. She's only doing the best she can.
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PPS
Xema, I'm sure you weren't advocating stalling; I think some of the other writers were. Career counseling is a good idea. Doing groundwork to create something positive is a good idea also. All the advice about conscious planning and visualizing the next move seems sensible and positive.
I just have the feeling that she needs to move now. There's a saying, "better is the enemy of good enough." Another, "I'm not going to move until I know that everything is going to be Perfect." That is the enemy right now. It can be frightening, but I was joking when I said risk-takers are dangerous. I think her most imminent danger is the danger of not jumping.
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Is there an echo in here?
This is another twist on the same topic that generated so many responses (several from me!) not too long ago in response to the LW who thought her husband should find more soul-satisfying work. Women clearly have been afforded way too many options by the women's movement. The short answer to this LW is -- if quitting your job is going to make it more difficult for your daughter to go to college, make car repairs a luxury item for your family, put more pressure on your husband to keep his job and, by your own admission, "compromise" your family's future, then, yes Virginia, it IS selfish. You should do whatever you want, and no doubt you will -- that's your gift from the women's movement. You can have it all, you can have some of it, you can slice and dice it so that it works for you, or you can have none of it. Your choice, just make sure you find a man with traditional values who would never think of putting his happiness in front of his family's. While you're taking Cary's advice, please at least admit that you are making a choice your husband will never have in his life, especially now that you're putting your own happiness first.
I'm really tired of all the writers who thumb their nose at their jobs as "souless", mindless corporate traps. The work ethic in this country is increasingly becoming defined by a Prozac-numbed generation of selfish, whining complainers who won't lift a finger to find ways to make their jobs more interesting or rewarding. It's called LAZY. People basically phone in cameo appearances at their jobs and if they're not rewarded with work-ecstacy by 10:00 in the morning, they surf the web for the rest of the day.