Letters to the Editor
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Your slip is showing
This LW is quite full of himself. He wants his wife to dress up so he won't be hit on by gay men in gay-frequented clubs? It makes no sense at all. It sure does sound as though LW is probably fascinated by the idea of a gay romance. I'll bet the guys who bought him a drink probably knew more about the LW than the LW knows about himself.
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"Why do gay men keep sucking my c*ck?"
This letter sounds potentially fake. It reminds me of the Onion column, "Why do gay men keep sucking my cock?", which is a parody of a closeted man who doesn't understand why every time he goes to a gay bathhouse, he ends up getting fellated by homosexuals -- as if he was an innocent hetereosexual bystander!
The first major red flag in the letter is the part about how the guy likes to wear leather pants. Ha ha, very cute. That's not "metrosexual," that's flamin'.
The second red flag is the whole, "Duh, I didn't know that if guys bought me a drink it meant anything other than they were being friendly." Ask any straight man -- if you buy a woman a drink, it's because you want to get laid. People rarely open their wallets to strangers because they want to be friends.
The letter has got to be a joke.
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Tolerating a husband's preening self-regard
Unless this wife has, up till now, tolerated her husband’s preening self-regard in order to secretly feel morally superior to him (and in that sense is even a sort of accomplice) I would tend to want to defend her. She could be shy or have low self-esteem or do work that really engages her or have more compelling things on her mind than how she presents herself in public. Or she could really hate to shop.
The husband, on the other hand, has written quite a disturbing letter. Disturbing in the sense that it is really narcissistic, and as anyone who has ever lived with a person who has a narcissistic personality disorder knows, narcissists do tend to blame other people a lot.
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Amused is not amusing
This is a fascinating letter. LW is signalling throughout that he is not who and what he says he is. First of all, he signs off as "Amused," when it is hard to see what is amusing about the scenario he paints. Obviously the "debate" in LW's household has been more than merely philosophical, and it isn't about clothing styles, either.
What snappy dresser LW wants us to see as "amusing" is that his frumpy wife is upset, though he carefully obscures just exactly why. Is there more to the tale of just what happened when the (single, for him) drink came over and LW waved cheerily to the gay guys and suggested to his wife that they join them? Did LW do something there to upset his wife?
What a stroke of genius to make it all her fault! LW has been practicing a long time--maybe this is another aspect to the amusing debates he and his wife have to pass the time, probably with increasing intensity.
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hmmm
why did today's column remind me of this:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33540
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Simple enough.
Forgive me if this has been suggested - I don't have time to read all the zillion other letters - but the problem seems to be more how the LW dresses when he goes to gay bars. Maybe if he dressed more like his wife gay men wouldn't hit on him.
In other words, get over yourself and recognize the problem is you, dear LW, not your wife who has no problem being just exactly who she is.
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forget the leather pants--they aren't the issue, and neither is sexual orientation
Maybe we could simplify the issue by taking the gay aspect out of the picture.
Husband and wife were out on a date and someone sent a drink over to ONE spouse, a clear, specific pick-up move. Everyone agrees sending a drink over to one person (not the entire party) is the international sign for flirting--a pick-up.
Husband fails to say "no thanks, I'm married," and instead suggests to his wife they go over so he can continue the flirt/pick-up/mating dance with the 3rd party.
Wouldn't we all agree that is sadistic treatment of the wife? It borders on abusive, to make her watch while he flirts with someone who bought him a drink.
The issue isn't how either of them were dressed, but his disrespect and cuckolding of his wife.
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My bullsh*t filter was up and at attention...
...at the mention of a live band in a gay bar in NC. In all my travels in gay bars in the USA, I've only seen a band in a gay bar once, in Los Angeles. Someone thought they were creating a clever letter, and I think Cary knows whats up by his answer, without so much saying so.
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The Answer is NO
Talk about reading more into something than was there. The answer to the poor fellow being hit on by gay males is "No, if your wife dressed better, gays will still hit on you." I am a gay male. I "hit" on people I am attracted to, not guys with shabbly-dressed companions. If you are a hot man, sitting at a gay club, you are going to get hit on. Whether you are gay or straight is irrelevent. I can't tell if people are gay or not (despite the wide-spread believe in gaydar, it really is most unreliable). Frankly, I don't care. If the person I am is interested in me, I am not particular about the label he decides for himself. I have had very nice sexual encounters with "straight" men. If you are not interested, then a polite rejection is all that is necessary. That you are not interested because you are staight is irrelevent. There are, much to my disappointment, other gay men not sexually interested in me, so, the "why" of the rejection is not important. Just be kind and turn the attention toward more fertile ground.
All that psychobable from Terry should be ignored.
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That man is so gay, even his letter to carry was blinding...
The man is gay, plain and simple.
Its nice of Cary to couch his response with some psychological bumbo jumbo, but the truth is that the man is gay. How does a hetero man go to a gay club, get picked up, and turn it into how his wife dresses? His wife may dress that way b/c she subconsciously knows that her husband is gay and therefore can comfortably fulfill her own psychological issues by dressing down constantly. You don't downplay your looks unless you have an issue with the consequences of looking beautiful. She doesn't just ignore her looks, she actively downplays them.
Instead of sending stupid letters to Cary, the man needs to seek a separation from his wife, put on a condom, and try sex with a man. Get it over with! His games are only wasting his wife's time.
- Afro Goddess