It's one thing to be hit on by gays or straights, whatever your inclination being, but to flirt mercilessly in front of your wife is just plain rude and inconsiderate. Everyone knows that being bought a drink is a pick up move. So to take that pick up move and say hey honey, wanna watch these guys flirt with me, won't that be fun; then to blame being hit on because she dresses frumpy!! He does it with gay guys because he knows that if some women sent over a drink he would in no way have been able to accept the attentions without looking like a total ass. Perhaps he does want more attention from his wife, either in her cooing over him about how hot he is, or by taking the time to dress up, but what a back assward way to go about it.

My husband is attractive and has been hit on by both gay and straight people, he is a great big flirt, alas, so am I, but we NEVER flirt with people IN FRONT of our spouse and I have refused drink offers from men when I was with him. It's just a way to incite jealousy or hurt feelings, you should never be paying more attention to others than your spouse in situations with strangers. Flirting is a nice ego boost from time to time and almost everyone enjoys being told they are attractive and I'm quite amused that a man who isn't homophobic, who wants his wife to pay more attention to him, who can't incite this kind of attention from straight women and get away with it, is really gay in the closet! Leather pants, ha, not one gay guy in the Castro is walking around with some leather pants on unless it's Gay Pride day or the Folsom Street Fair, and even then it's generally chaps, not pants!

He is a natty dresser, she isn't. They go to bar, gay couple sends over drink, he invites them to their table, gay couple hits on him, she gets pissed. And he blames the "being hit on" part of the incident on his wife for being an episode of "What Not to Wear"* waiting to happen. So, is he saying "if my wife looked better - more like she actually belonged with the fabulousness that is me and not like some schlubby "fag hag" or lesbian - icky gay guys wouldn't hit on me"?? Can't say I really buy that one. OR... is he saying "Am I gay - that scares me, don't know if I can handle it - definitely liked the gay guys hitting on me - but still need to hide behind my wife so maybe if she looked better, more like we were a 'believable' hetero couple, I could stay in the closet a little longer until I figure things out"?? That rings a bit truer.

*Maybe LW should try to get his wife on "What Not to Wear" - it certainly would make for a very interesting show!!

I'm not going to jump on the "he's gay" bandwagon but I am going to say that there's something missing from this guy's story. If he's not gay, he's enjoying the attention of gay men, at least. If you go to a bar you know is frequented by gay men and accept drinks from two men sitting together, don't be surprised if they turn out to be gay (or blame your wife for their attention) and start to flirt. As a straight woman, I know what it means when a man sends me a drink in a bar. If I chose to join him at his table, I would be more surprised if he didn't flirt!

THEN gay guys wouldn't hit on you ...

"And even if, in some parallel universe, his wife's clothes actually do impact his being hit on at gay bars, since when is it okay to insist someone change their entire style just to prevent misunderstandings on the part of like 3% of the population?"

Do the math. Add up the attendees of every Pride parade and festival across the nation. Then add to that the audience and participants at gay rodeos, the marriage equality marches, the number of married or domestic-partnered or civil-unioned couples, the number of people on board gay and lesbian cruises, the gay or lesbian parents at bake sales and soccer games, the gay men at the circuit parties and the lesbians at the Dinah Shore weekend, the protest groups, those who work for GLAAD or Lambda Legal or Stonewall Democrats any of the other hundreds of national and local gay political or advocacy groups. Then think of all the different groups and organizations and events out there you don't even know about.

Think about all these people, all these bodies, all these individuals actually showing up and being someplace. Think about how the last March on Washington brought out one million people for just that one event. Then think about all the gays and lesbians who will seldom or never attend any of those events.

There are approximately 300 million Americans today. You're telling me that only 3% of them are gay or lesbian? Approximately nine million people. You're telling me, essentially, that almost every single gay man or lesbian goes to, basically, at least one or more of these events every year? No.

Now think about all the chatrooms, all the online groups, all the magazines, all the television networks, all the movies, all the car dealerships, all the bars, all the sports teams, just about anything you can think of that's dedicated to gay men or lesbians. How many gay or lesbian softball or rugby teams are there? Are you telling me that a significant percentage of the gay and lesbian population are playing softball and/or rugby? No.

The gay and lesbian population in America is just like the non-gay and lesbian population in America, which is to say that they're mostly either at their jobs, or raising their kids, or sitting around on their asses trying to get some rest. They're not showing up. They're not at the parades, they're not playing team sports, they're not at political rallies. They're not visible.

It's not 3%. Try 10%. It would be mathematically impossible for it to be anything less. Unless you believe that all gay and lesbian Americans spend their lives running from one gay or lesbian thing to the next, the numbers simply surpass the myth of the 3%.