Leather Pants are soooooooo 1999 International Male catalog. And when I read the "M" word (Ends with etrosexual...barf), I knew it was all downhill from there.

Mr. Fancy Pants needs to check the vibes he's sending out to the gay community. You don't need to be placing blame on gays or your slouchy spousy.

A few rules. If you're out with your wife, simply don't go to a gay bar. If you must go to a gay bar, don't accept cocktails from gay couples. If you must accept a cocktail (or six), don't invite the gay couple to your table. If you must invite them, don't feign confusion and disapproval when the gay couple flirts with you. Gay couples are sometimes naughty. Some gay couples (mine included) would flirt with a street sign if there was a chance to booze it up and get it into bed for a threesome.

I'm curious if the letter writer has ever been in a straight bar or club and had the opposite happen to him. He and his wife are sitting at a table and a man (in non-animal hide pants) sends his wife a cocktail assuming the husband is gay.

Would the wife be allowed to boldly accept the drink, invite the stranger to their table and proceed to be wooed? Would she write Cary and blame the unwarranted attention on her K-Mart sweatpants, the heterosexual community, and her gay-dressed husband? Would she secretly relish the attention?

Mister Fancy-Pants, woo your wife and the gays won't woo you.

The LW was not acting as though he were "with" his wife. He treated her like a wingman. If he behaved as though he were part of a couple--I'm talking subtle affection, not PDA--there would have been no ambiguity. And yes, accepting a drink from someone at a bar IS an indication of interest.

Whether he's gay because he wears leather pants or not, I think it's pretty clear that he isn't behaving as though she's his wife. So he's hurting her, and he's leading on the men. She might want to think about this.

...does "nice dresser" equal "gay." My husband is from India, and there many men put just as much work into looking nice as women do. Bright colors, neat patterns and materials, cool jeans, etc. It's so dumb that here men have to dress like lumberjacks to get "straight cred." It's nice to have a husband who cares about his appearance. This "that outfit is too nice, so he must be gay" thing is one of the irritating things about American culture.

On the other hand, this LW is, I suspect, narcissistic as other letter writers have suggested. He obviously cares more about getting his ego stroked than he does about his wife or her feelings. Accepting a drink from anyone who is trying to hit on you is not ok when you are married. That's his real problem. Good luck to his poor wife.

You're a self-confessed metrosexual, with a wife who doesn't particularly like to dress up...the combo may make for a happy marriage (you're both not fighting for the mirror) ; but social disaster, particularly in situations such as this.

Let me break it down for you.

I go out with my Gay male friends; I adore them. I live in South Beach -- 2nd gay capital on earth - I'm straight. Like Pamela Anderson says "I'm a gay man in a woman's body" Men are yummy.

Gay men love straight women who look, for want of a better word -- fierce. By that I mean, sharp, hot, outré, which is hot with just a little flamboyance. If you're there, (with your metrosexual self) , with a wife who is not that sharply dressed, you don't look like a couple, you look like a gay man with a lesbian friend - it happens-- at a GAY bar.

What you said made her feel like a frump. Which she isn't. She seems like a very intelligent, creative type who received a let-down from you. For a while, you forgot who she is, in essence, and what made her attractive to you. So you need to get over your self-absorbed flattered self, and apologise to your wife for your thoughtless remark. As liberal as you are, you don't need to hang at a GAY bar to prove it. Subtext, anyone?

Now make love to your wife like a straight man, rediscover muff-diving and GO TO STRAIGHT BARS!!!

And I doubt someone who wears leather pants would live in that area, anyway. There are thriving music and gay scenes in cities such as Chapel Hill, as well as most of the other college towns in the state. Areas like Asheville manage to combine progressive and crunchy.

You shouldn't look at articles about crazy people from Charlotte and think that goes for the entire state.

When reading the response to this letter so far I feel as if I am playing the childhood game of telephone. The writer never claimed to be wearing the leather pants he owns that evening while dinning and drinking with his wife. Today with fashion styles forever changing who exactly is wearing what? I know plenty of gay men that are not the greatest dressers. He was not wearing an outfit from a village peoples performance, and if he was all the power too him. The world is a forever changing place. Inclusion and acceptance, they claim to be liberal, so to have a drink sent over from anyperson is a grand gesture. Inviting them to join and meet during dinner/drinks is just proper ettiqute. Even if it is just a hello meeting. The word "Gay" meant happy years back. It does not matter if your a hippie, metrosexual, gay, etc... life brings experiences and you must be open minded otherwise so many fun times will pass you by. Lay off your wifes clothing choices. You married her six years ago for love? If for some reason she is uncomfortable or jealous of these men or anyone you must consider her feelings warranted or not. With that expressed I personally feel that anyone who pays me a compliment male or female, gay or straight, that makes me smile and feel good for a momment is worth sharing a drink with.