Letters to the Editor
-
It's North Carolina - come on
Ok, a number of the posts say this man is gay and that they were in a gay bar. Other people point out that the writer did not specifically mention that they were at a gay bar, only a place frequented by gay couples.
IT'S NORTH CAROLINA. There is NO place in North Carolina that Gay Couples frequent who would be bold enough to send a drink over to a table with someone from the waitstaff EXCEPT if it were a gay bar.
Now, gay bars have the best music and DJ's (straight bars confuse Loud Music with the treble up high so you can't hear anyone speak with good music - gay bars use the bass so people can feel the music yet usually carry on a conversation) and straight people, even in North Carolina, will go to straight bars just for the music and freedom to be "less reserved" than you have to be in a straight bar (especially in NORTH CAROLINA.)
This man not only accepted the drink, but INVITED the gay men over to the table. He WANTED to flirt with them. Reveled in all of this, and his frumpy wife got upset. Now, he wants to dress his wife up like a doll, maybe he even wants to do her makeup for her.
As another post says: this man is gay gay gay gay gay gay and besides that he's gay. Did I say he was gay? He's gay.
Re-read the letter, putting in your mind you are in NORTH CAROLINA, for pete's sake, he's gay. (Oh, and on top of all this, he married a woman who doesn't look like a woman -- get a clue)
-
First things first
Whatever the deep psychosociological underpinnings of this guy's situation are--and hoo, boy, are there many--the bottom line is this: For some reason he feels the need to dress really gay (and yeah, of course that's a stereotype, but we all know what it means anyway), and likes it when gay men hit on him, even in front of his wife. The woman who's down with that is unique in all the world, and probably a masochist. The guy's not an idiot, he knows this.
Even if it's true that if she dressed better the boys would chill out (and maybe it is), she shouldn't have to do a damn thing to stop her husband from being a jerk to her. He needs to check himself, period. Then check in with his friendly local therapist.
-
Attractive?
You know, I rarely find "metrosexual" men attractive, and am very aroused by the hippie / artist look. The metrosexual man just doesn't do it for me, he looks like he's too self-absorbed, a peacock strutting. But that's me. We are all attracted to different looks. Cary's right on about the mind games and trickster language, and anyway the LW sounds like an ass.
-
fashion
My husband is metro-sexual. He avoids pleats at all costs, wears expensive designer shoes, shops in boutiques for men and gets $60 hair cuts. My husband is not gay but he is not afraid of being accused of being gay. Gay men often flit with him and my secure, wonderful husband will chat them up right back. He’s always clear with men that he is straight and, rather then being made uncomfortable, he makes lots of friends. I can’t imagine being upset that a man would flirt with him as it’s totally harmless. I like gay men. My husband likes gay men. We have lots of gay friends. Why would we not want to share a drink with a gay man at a gay bar? Call me kooky but when you go to a gay bar you’ve got to expect that you’re going to be social with gay people. If you’re not up for that do everyone a favor and don’t go to gay bars.
The LW also seems to know very little about women’s fashion. Pick up a copy of WWD (Women’s Wear Daily) and check it out. The current fashion is to wear very little make up. All the women’s magazines are advising you to back off the heavy foundations and to keep the eyes nice and light (dark eye make up makes you look older and it's just out). The covers of 90% of the magazines on the newsstands will feature women with nude, or possibly clear glossy, lips. 2 years ago in Paris the ‘international look’ was huge. Last summer it hit NYC. This season I’m seeing it in the J. Crew catalog. The hippie look is in again. Leather pants? Not so much. The wife sounds more fashion forward then the husband.
-
If church doesn't work, send him to Bloomingdales
I'm fascinated by the utter incongruity of a man who wears leather pants thinking he's a snappy dresser. (Cary -- check your mail box more frequently. Are you sure this letter isn't like a decade old?) No one with that kind of fashion sense could possibly be gay, so quit trying to send him over to our team. We're not interested.
-
Leather pants
As a gay man who has been around for many years I need to get this clear. In my experience, gay men do not particularly favor leather pants. Leather vest -- gay. Leather chaps -- very gay. Leather harness -- off the scale. But pants, well no more than straight guys. You see, leather pants don't show off the basket very well.
-
Gays and Gigolos
All the men I know that are "snappy" dressers are either gays or gigolos. My wife wishes I dressed better, but I'm your typical slob engineer. I had a girlfriend once who worked at an art gallery. That was a truly gay world, and I had to get used to guys staring at my ass. But I never got to like it, as this guy seems to do. He's either queer or a total asshole. Maybe both.
-
The LW has a fascination with being hit on by
homosexuals. Maybe it's time for him to let out his inner queer since he seems so fascinated by it.
-
So Strange
When was it that the SYA letters section became so derisive and judgemental, with every third letter accusing the original LW of duping Cary with a ridiculous forgery? It would seem to be against the grain of the well-thought advice Cary generally gives, with the disclaimer that this is for a readership, after all.
In regards to the LW and his wife, what would people say were the roles reversed, I wonder? If a woman, dressed to the nines because she enjoys looking nice, attracts male (or lesbian) attention at a bar that subsequently upsets her slovenly husband? Is she gay? A whore? Were she to suggest (in a roundabout way) that her husband dress a bit nicer to indulge in paired attractiveness now and again, would this concept be so far off the map for people to understand?
The really sad aspect of this situation is that for a relatively inconsequential matter, the LW does not seem to have any friends whose word he would take on the subject (including his own wife), and instead has to bother Cary and rile the Salon population.