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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
This is the best letters section ever. Truth + comedy = great reading.
If this is the material coming in this week, imagine the hilarity surely to ensue on April 1st.
The Onion meets Salon...
WIFE'S EARTH MOM TOGS TURN EX-HUBBY HOMO
Custody of Leather Chaps Sought by Both
"If my wife dressed better, would gay guys stop hitting on me?"
Why don't we rephrase, with context: "If I'm in a gay bar wearing tight leather pants and gay guys offer me a drink and I accept it and go over to sit at their table and then they hit on me, is there any way I can somehow make my wife responsible for this?"
Uh, no?
"We were at a gay bar and two men bought me a drink so I sat with them and you'll never, ever guess what, because even socially liberal me sitting self-congratutorily in a gay bar in my leather pants didn't see it: THEY TURNED OUT TO BE *GAY*! AND THEY WANTED ME!!"
Golly!
The problem isn't that this guy likes leather pants or ironed shirts, and the problem isn't that his wife likes drindl skirts and birkenstocks.
The problem is that LW has an insatiable desire to be admired, and preeningly engages in it, even in front of his wife, thus relegating her to the status of an insurance card. You know that card, right? The one you keep in your wallet and never ever think about until something really bad happens, and then it turns out to be really really important, that card, about the most important thing in the world, because when bad stuff happens the people who were throwing all those drinks and leather-pants-compliments and smoky hot eyes at you go 'huh, too bad' and move on with their lives and leave you lying there, gasping and afraid and unloved and unadmired and realizing that the only thing you have in the world now is that insurance card, the card that you have been, up to this point, ignoring, thinking of it as a a sort of boring necessity that you make a payment on each month (and occasionally toying with the idea of just stopping because really, you haven't needed it, it's a waste of time and money, this insurance, think of all the hot clothes you could have with that money!), never realizing that when the really bad thing finally happens to you, that insurace card is no longer forgotten at the back of your raft, it is no longer a dubious investment relative to a new pair of leather pants, it is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD, a veritable fucking life raft that will sail you out of the rough seas and onto dry land.
No wonder she's pissed.
The LW is asking the wrong question. The question is not: if my wife changes x or y, will gay men stop hitting on me? the question is: if I want gay men - or anyone, really - to stop hitting on me, then why do I invite it?
Or, put another way: I'm thinking about buying a $400 leather wallet to house my boring old insurance card....would Jack Spade design be too gay, or should I go with something from Hermes?
Sandra wrote:
"...the question is: if I want gay men - or anyone, really - to stop hitting on me, then why do I invite it?"
Um, and how is this not an example of (not so) repressed homosexual desire?
Call it closeted, call it repressed, call it a prank letter. However you slice this one, it tastes like a rainbow waiting to shine.
Who said it was a gay bar? The tagline of the article is totally misleading - the LW says the bar is "frequented by gay couples." The guy is from North Carolina! Probably any liberal hipster bar that exists is going to be frequented by the gay couples that manage to live there. There's plenty going on here - but there's nothing to indicate that this couple is going out of their way to attract gay attention.
Interesting how in spite of all that, he never actually answered the guy's question.
"Oh I'm so cute, even the gay men hit on me! Aren't I just the cutest!"
It is sad and pitiful that he has to dis his wife to feel better about his looks. He must not be as cute as he thinks he is, huh? Sounds like she can dress dowdy and STILL be cuter than him, and he's just jealous.
And hey, dude, maybe they just wanted to take you home to steal your clothes! Giggle!
talks like a duck, dresses like a duck, is attracting other ducks
then maybe IT IS a duck.
...deal with his attitude towards how his wife dresses. He's come to see her as a reflection of his attractiveness, and that's not a good sign. He wants to prove something, but wanting his wife to dress more "feminine" ain't addressing his insecurities are. (And, yeah, I have to agree he's probably latent.)
I think this will be remembered as one of the classics of Since You Asked. The letter is absolutely absurd - where do you find these people? "Should my wife dress betters so that gay men don't hit on me when I wear leather pants?" Hahah. Cary's response warps the whole psychology of it and... somehow... turns it into poetry. The readers' responses are *hilarious.* I love the one about the insurance card in the wallet and the other one about rephrasing the LW's question to blame it on the wife.
Hahaha. Love it, love it, love it.
This letter has to be a gag. Nobody is so unaware that in this situation they would think the solution to the much adored problem is a new wardrobe for his wife.
The person who mentioned how inappropriate it would be if he accepted a drink from 2 women was right on the money, and you could run with that to show how humiliating (or probably titillating for this guy) it would be if the wife accepted drinks from 2 men and thought they should sit together.
But, why am I acting as if this were a real letter? It's so similar to the article from The Onion, "Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My C..."
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33540
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