Letters to the Editor
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Self-centered Ass...
He may not be gay, but he certainly seems a self-centered ass.
As I've mentioned before, if you're in a gay bar, and you're a halfway decent looking, sharp guy - much less a self-confessed metrosexual - of course gay men are going to be hitting on you.
And to make your wife feel like a frump because she is a creative, intellectual individual, possibly the academic type, who doesn't pay as much attention to dressing as you do is inexcusable -- and shallow. You knew who she was before you married her.
Playing games with your relationship is patently selfish and immature; playing games with your wife's feelings is cruel and sadistic.
Now maybe you've simply got the EQ (and IQ) of a moron, so I'll explain it clearly:
1. I disagree with ?'s assertion that "gay men don't care about women." That is such a farce. Most gay men adore women, as evidenced by the fashion designers, makeup artists, writers and producers who go out of their way to demonstrate that through their work. Gay men especially love straight women who look fabulous.
2. Certainly in that milieu dressing well (not as if you're a gay man with a lesbian friend out looking for a score) sends a message, but body language also tells its own story.
3. Taking your wife to a gay bar and then using the attention you receive as an attack on her personal philosophy in clothing is wrong. You both are responsible for the vibes you send out and clearly you're sending something out that you may not be willing to acknowledge.
The question is: What's your payoff here? Qui bono?
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Never answered the guy's question? Oh, I beg to differ.
Serai wrote:
"Hm.
Interesting how in spite of all that, he never actually answered the guy's question."
Oh, he TOTALLY did, Serai. The answer is a great big fat red NO.
The wife or her clothes have NOTHING to do with this. Cary made that quite clear.
ronron
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wow!
WOW!
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whip out the gender-reversal machine!
it's fun to reverse genders on this one. imagine the husband is the schlub and the wife a clothes-horse. what a stretch.
so some lesbians in a lesbian bar send the pair a drink. i predict:
1. schlubby hubby is BESIDE HIMSELF with glee.
2. wifey either plays gay to please him or she's true to her het self. the latter is unlikely, given that she's taken her hubby to a lesbian bar, and let's please be honest about het men and lesbians and the pressure on straight women to think of england and kiss a girl, shall we?
but in neither case do the hordes beat up on wifey and accuse her of playing cruel games. no. in the gender-reversed scenario, a het wifey who plays lesbian is a real treasure and a joy to all.
and if she wanted hubby to dress better, she'd buy him the clothes. so buy her the clothes, mr. metrosexual. she hates to shop, and that's just as valid as if she were a dude and you were a fake lesbian.
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The answer is no
Gay guys would be more likely to think you were gay if your hag was fabulous and sexy in a flamboyant way. They probably think you are with some frumpy earth mother for some other reason (maybe she's your sister).
The guy in question is a wanna be bone smuggler if there ever was one/and or a narcissist. Reminds me of my next door neighbor in the dorms senior year. Kept coming out of the shower to "show you my tan line" and wiggle his ass in front of me. Walk around shirtless. Drop hints about how he thought it would be cool to have limited opportunities to fool around w/ a guy.
He either wanted it or wanted attention. Either way it was fun, but not worth the effort overall. But the limit of what gay guys would do to him is show interest--feel him out for his interest (as the couple that sent over the drink did). The escalation happens when you GO OVER TO THE TABLE, YOU IDIOT. Basically, the letter writer is encouraging this interest, consciously or unconsciously.
I don't care how hot you are, there are plenty of fish in the sea and unless you are giving someone some kind of cues that you are at least somewhat interested (either from desire or narcissim) you aren't going to be surrounded by fawning gay guys. These guys can hook up in minutes on gay.com or go to a bathhouse. They aren't going to waste time on someone who isn't giving at least some cues of interest.
In closing, I have a suggestion--why doesn't the writer stop dressing and acting like a gay guy if he doesn't want to get hit on.
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solution
If he really want to avoid being hit on, the guy & his wife should simply stay out of gay bars.
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gay or not...
I don't believe he's gay but
I believe that you should communicate openly with you partner.
If there is something he dislikes about his wife he should tell her and then either accept the fact that it's her way to present herself to the world or go and find somebody equally "stylish" like he is.
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It seems like someone missed the point
Wow, Cary read way to far into this guy's words.
He just wants to go out and be seen as a well dressed couple, instead of a gay guy and his hippy friend.
How hard was that to parse? Somehow the fact that he didn't care about the situation got turned into "anxiety and discomfort" over his homoerotic desires?
Where'd you get that from? Maybe he's secure enough to laugh off another guy hitting on him.
I think your desire to twist his question into something homoerotic suggests far more about your socialization than his. Is it really that impossible for a straight guy to hang out with gays & and still be... you know, straight?
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Bah
Plenty of gay men prefer to surround themselves with attractive, well-dressed women. If men read you as gay, that's on them or you, not on your wife. Perhaps consider your body language when the two of you are out together? Just a thought.