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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
Would I get a chance at better promotions when I took her to office functions, because people would think I must be a catch to land such a fine piece of spousal jewelry?
Would my friends think I was cooler because my wife was dressed so nicely? Think I was more successful because I could keep her in such finery?
Would more people stop me on the street and ask me how I landed such a catch?
Would my manhood/self-worth be more assured becaused I'd landed such a great-looking/great-dressing wife?
Would people wonder what she saw in me, and then figure that there must be something cool about me that I could have such a great looking woman in my life?
And on, and on, and on...classic narcissism.
This man needs to stop seeing his wife as a part of his self-esteem package, and leave her be.
Not to mention all the questions she might be asking herself in a different direction, like "If my husband weren't so focused on what he was wearing and others' reactions to it, and their sexual reactions to it, might he treat me more like a romantic partner and less like a wingman in public situations?"
Oy, this guy makes me feel bad for his wife, not for him. Dude, your wife ain't jewelry, you're not required to wear matching outfits, or even complimentary ones. Sounds likes she's a lot more comfortable with herself then you are, and that her reaction is to you treating her with a lack of respect rather than people responding to you just because of the way she looks.
And how naive does someone have to be not to realize that when people send drinks to your table, it's a come-on?
I can't believe some of you are suggesting leaving a 6-year marriage over one incident like this! Maybe they could just TALK ABOUT IT?
Sigh...
I had a boyfriend who was very macho straight and he loved to go to gay bars and see how many men would hit on him. As others have said, it was to feed his ego, and he didn't care what the orientation was. My ex-husband acted and dressed so gay by American standards that my neighbors couldn't believe we were married. But he was very straight, just loved jewelry, cologne, open shirts, etc. Sounds to me that the issue here is that this man wants his wife to dress up so he will feel more attracted to her than to the men in the bar. The gay men don't care what this woman looks like.
I've got to agree with most of the letter writers. And as a middle-aged lesbian, out since 10, I think I've seen this stuff before.
"Form fitting leather pants" (yes, very 80s)! And how proud he was about it - the form fitting part! And to go to a "bar" "mostly frequented by gays." BTW, "gays" in this case probably means men, not mixed with women, of any variety or sexual persuasion.
Additionally, Mr. Metro didn't "get it" when TWO men sent them a drink? Come on . . . Why didn't he just nod thank you and return his attention to his wife? Did he think he was going to discuss the Tarheels with these guys, or "Turandot?"
Mr. Metro didn't have a problem with his wife's wardrobe while in college, nor enough of a problem to not ask her to marry him. Yet even in college he was a "clothes queen." And now her wardrobe is a problem?
I do disagree with Cary Tennis. When you begin reading a letter and can start to feel the emotion and sense of personality behind it, then perhaps there is fire behind the smoke. The pride and smugness about his looks and fashion sense suggested in his letter goes beyond "the love of style, color, fashion, appearance, theatricality, fine things: the sensual realm." No, he was proud that he was appealing to these men. And to some degree it feels like he enjoyed rubbing his wife's face in it.
I've met many men who are "metrosexual" and I knew, even instinctively, when they were straight or gay. If a straight man keeps getting hit on by gay men, then there is probably distinct messages he's sending out, and it's not to explore his "creative" side.
He is not a latent homosexual. He is not a "metrosexual." He is a gay man that either just hasn't come out or he is the "straight" man who was once "gay" in junior high, but now thinks he is "normal."
No. Normal is being gay. Normal is being straight. What is not normal is being so mean to your wife. Fix it or allow her to move on with her life.
Sorry, but I had to throw a shout out to GDY. I saw a "band" several times in a gay bar. Well, she only went by her first name. The bar was the Que Sera Sera in Long Beach, CA. Then she stopped performing there. What happened to her? Only a buck to get in and she was good. Hmm?
Couple of months later she was up for Grammy for best female rock vocalist. I don't think they have that specific category anymore . . .
Probably had to cancel that category since it was Melissa . . .Etheridge. How cool was that?!
Well, they make things very humid in there. Very hot and sweaty without any effort whatsoever. And according to my experiences, that much heat and humidity just melts the dingleberries. And ya can't wear any underwear in leather pants, so now ya got these stinky racing stripes all over what were once a nice pair of leather pants. Oh, and you smell like poops. It leaves a rash, too.
So that's why I stopped wearing leather pants. I hope my advice was helpful, y'all.
"i'm not gay"
Mr. Snappy Dresser (SD) isn't just putting on clothes; he's wearing his desire to be admired and wanted all over himself. I've heard of men who play this very dangerous, very hurtful game with girlfriends and wives in heterosexual social settings, in other words openly flirting with other women or encouraging other women to "make a play" for him. The usual response is something along the lines of "if you dressed better," or "if you did such and such sexual act," or "if you weighed less/more," or "if you were more compliant/obedient," i.e., he's trying to renegotiate the marriage contract/relationship contract, he's trying to scoop up a bit more or a lot more power for himself. It's about power and control over one's spouse, or at least a desire to go out and play without taking responsibility for being a cheatin' heart; I see the same thing happening with SD and wife. I'm not sure if SD is gay, bisexual or heterosexual; in fact, he may be autosexual, i.e., he may actually desire himself, and he needs to see others' desire him in order to fuel his own desire to seduce himself. Talk about self-love!
I think some questions are due SD: for whom are you dressing? your wife, other women, or other men? or all three? Or do you have a particular man in mind, but you haven't figured out how to "man-up" to what gets you hot? Or do you have a fetish for being watched or admired by all eyes? If it's yes for the last question, maybe you need to consider the entertainment/fashion industry, the propagandistic purveyors of smutty objectification, celebrity-sized narcissism, and gluttonous consumption of empty and meaningless images. Strike a pose for the camera, strike two if you must, and use mass media to sate your appetite for being worshipped and admired.
I'm sure you'll find plenty of company. But please don't drag your wife into your game without her permission to be a participant in your drama, and please, please, please, stop playing games with men, because it's cruel and you really do come off like a dweeb who's using the closet and your wife to tease and humiliate hopeful suitors. It's oh so annoying, so cruel, and so evil! And sooner than you think, men and women alike will see you as the fake that you are, and ignore you.
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